I have been with my boyfriend for a year now. We have gone through difficult periods in our lives and had each others backs. I had a miserable job and was offered a nice position in a different city. I wasn't sure I would consider it as I loved my boyfriend and was committed to him. However he convinced me that I should go and this is just an hour away to fly, and that he will move here in 8 months when his contract is up. His parents live here and get older, so he wanted to move here anyway.

It has been 3 months since I moved here. We have been flying to see each other every 2-3 weeks. However I noticed as I left he was spending all of his free time on the weekends clubbing with his single friends. He had assured me before (on his own, without me asking about it) that he won't be going out much as he believed this was disrespectful. However now he denies he ever said that. I tried to ignore the issue at first and then tried to speak calmly about it. 2 days ago (after his excessive clubbing on Friday and Saturday) we spoke on the phone and I forced him to address the issue. He got defensive, the fight started, we said mean things to each other. And in the heat of the moment I said that I want to break up as I feel mistreated and disrespected. He agreed, we hung up. He is there I am here.

I cooled down fast and tried to contact him via skype, email and text, but he won't reply. I apologized for freaking out 3 times and said I loved him. However all I got from him was a brief message saying he was busy at work and won't want to talk as it will get us insult each other more and that we should break up as he can't seem to give me what I want and I should look for it elsewhere.

I sent him a couple of nice messages after that but no response. And this is all I can do from being far away. I am flying there tomorrow as we had this flight booked long ago and I had a trip to Mexico prepaid for us. I don't know what to do. I don't want to stalk him...

Please please advice what can I do in this situation! He is making me absolutely miserable by not replying to anything...

I think you had a legitimate reason to bring up your concerns. I would ask the same questions you did; because realistically, you probably thought about what could/might happen when he was out clubbing (although the concerns may truly be false). It sounds like he is experiencing a new found sense of freedom, and gets defensive when confronted about it (probably not intentionally). I find it strange that he brought up the fact that he wouldn't be clubbing etc. while you were in another city; it's like a guilty conscious move. It sounds like you guys have a good amount of trust in each other as you have weeks between visits; and your first argument was 3 months into the long distance part of it.

I would let him cool off; and try not to let your mind wander to that place of "I wonder what he's doing". Do your own thing for a while as it doesn't sound like y'all have been on a break for too long. It will work out the way it needs to, as it always does

Let this blow over, and then see if he feels like talking. I don't know why he boxed himself in a corner with the clubbing with friends, or why he had to lie about it, probably guilty to having a great time without you. Leave him alone for a few weeks, and have a calm conversation. Don't see why you just didn't let him know from the get go, when you left, its okay to have fun with your friends while you were gone, but maybe you both will learn something about yourselves and each other through this experience.

As much as you might want him to talk to you, for whatever reason, it's not what he wants--and you are right, you can't stalk him, won't help anything. Honestly, it sounds like he was trying to pick a fight with you so he could break up? Think about it, could that be possible? I know its hard as I'm going through a recent break up as well, but there is nothing you can do if he doesn't want the relationship. You will have to go through the grieving process and take it one day at a time. As far as traveling there, probably not a good idea, I did that with my long distance relationship trying to believe that would make a difference, it usually doesn't once the person has made up their mind, there's nothing you can do and even if they did change their mind--after this, won't you always worry that he could walk after an argument again? I think you deserve better--I also think I need to follow this same advice for myself!

Listen, if he loves you he will call you and you please stop insulting yourself more than this by sending messages and e-mails. Give him a space, let him feel the longing and think about you. Good luck