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I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years. i have 3 girls and he has 2 girls. we was doing good til i moved in with him and started to watch his younger daugter. she was hitting me and now she don't won't to listen to me. we do love eachother. Our sex life went down hill. he don't won't have sex that much with me. he told me he is not in to sex no more. he said he is to old. he is almost 36. what can i do to make it better for the both of us. we only fight about our kids.
Some time you need to take a step back to then step forward. You have more then one issue here.
Issue 1: His daughter is hitting you and she should not be. I don’t know how your boyfriend feels about physical punishment? I have two boys first born is 9 years old, and the other 2 years old and they know hitting is wrong and only to be done in defensive. If my 9 year old should decide one day that he wants to hit someone in school or at home and I’m told, I’ll interrogate him and if he admits he did hit there person without good reason, I’ll get my belt. If you don’t enforce in your children hitting is wrong when they get around other children they tend to hit and fight. I rather my sons learn this lesson from me than the police in the future.
Issue 2: His children are not listening to you. “I don’t have to listen to you, your not real my mother.” IF you haven’t heard this yet it is coming. Your boyfriend again has to step up and tell his daughters, this is my girlfriend, I love her and she is a part of my life. Her being a part of my life makes her a part of your and I trust her to care for you while I’m gone. You don’t have to like her, although I would like you to, but you are going to respect her and listen. Then after a couple of weeks of you tending to them they will warm and understand that you are not trying to replace their mother you are new addition to their family. Explain to him the situation and explain that you are not going to tend his daughter if he doesn’t explain what I advised.
It would also help if there mother reinforced this to. But in the relationship between his babies’s mother is not good then the mother probably won’t, and in fact she may be reinforcing the girls current behavior again this is something that your boyfriend man up and address.
Issue 3: Sex. It’s a very important part of a healthy relationship. I think that there may be an issue with him having sex in the same house when his daughter and your children being there. How big is this house or apartment?
If it is possible I would move out. There are issues he needed to clear up before you moved in and I don’t know if he was or is ready to do that. Move out doesn’t mean you are breaking up its just not the right time to live together.
Working together to have a blended family is trying and requires patience. He must be an active part of that, especially setting rules, and what the proper behavior should be. That will take time. As far as the sex goes, that would seem hard with a houseful of kids, and stress of working, and blending the kids into a "normal" household, so plan ahead for those peaceful intimate times together (babysitters). I think most couples, get caught up in the everyday stress of living, but the important thing is to work it out together. Good luck, and much patience, you'll need it.
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