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My boy friend and I were dating on and off for 2 in a half years. The first time we broke up was because I was feeling really overwhelmed by him because this was the first real serious relationship I’ve ever had and I was scared to get so close to someone. We were broke up for about 4 months and we finally decided to get back together. We were together for about 6 more months and he told me that he never wanted to lose me again and he asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes, I truly loved him as well. We decided not to set a wedding date anytime soon; he wanted me to finish college before anything like that happened. So we were together for another 7 months. Within the last month of those 7 my grandma fell very ill and I went to live with her to help take care of her until she became better again. It turned out that she had lung and brain cancer and my family was very devastated. The doctors only gave her 6-8 months to live. She ended up passing a month later 2 days before Thanksgiving. Within that time I was a complete mess because I was very close to my grandma and I was having a very hard time accepting it. My fiancée told me that I had too much stress in my life at that time and he could not handle it so he broke up with me. That was about 2 months ago we have gotten back together a couple of times but not longer then a day or two and he broke up with me again. Now we’ve been back together for about two weeks and I’m afraid that I’m going to lose him again. He keeps telling me that he loves me but he has feeling for other girls and he doesn’t know what to do because he doesn’t want to hurt me again but he doesn’t feel right being with me and having feelings towards another girl.. I don’t think I could lose him to another girl please help! I’ve never felt this way about anyone before and I want to try and fix our relationship before it’s too late. What do you think?? What should I do?
First, I am so sorry to hear about your Grandma, so very sorry. I do beleive she is watching over you.
Okay, you have been through some very difficult times...very. I don't even know you, but I tell you what, I would never say to you, you are going through so much stress, so I am going to leave your side.
Peaches, for him to leave you, when you needed him the most, not good. The fact that he has "feelings" for other girls, is not a good thing either, but just the fact that "he could not handle" being there for you, when you needed him, is alone enough, for me to tell you, to turn away from him. I know Peaches, that is not what you want to hear, but I am just basing this on your words.
I can not imagine a friend leaving my side, during hard times, let alone a fiancee. What would happen, if the two of you got married, and a stressful situaion occured, would he leave then as well?
Peaches, please tell me, what are the things you love about him. I am very willing to listen. From what you have written his good qualites just are not apparent.
What do you love about him? What makes you want him in your life?
I agree with the above. He doesn't seem to be a supportive kind of person. You certainly can't count on him when you do need somebody. Is this really the type of person you want to be with and build a lasting relationship with?
Old cliche': It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved before.
Another: If you love someone, set them free, if they come back, they are yours forever.
another: You can't get blood out of a stone.
It seems we try so hard to make that first serious relationship work, and go thru all kinds of changes to please someone, even when they don't treat us very well or love us as much as we love them. Its a terrible hard lesson, we learn when we find out that after all we have been thru, its not enough to keep someone happy. For whatever reason, you have started to accept him being, not only unsupported in your time of need, but now that he has mixed feelings about this relationship, you take it on yourself to fix this. Sorry, it doesn't work that way, and he has already started to move apart, if he was ever there in the first place, and I very much doubt it. The way I see it you've put a lot of investment in his stock, and gotten very little return, and thats not good. Pay more attention to your self and reevaluate if he is as good for you, as you think, or have you been carrying this whole relationship basically alone, on a prayer, and hope it will get better. You need to figure out what you really want, and can he give it to you. Be honest with yourself.
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