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Recently my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight. I have always had problems trusting the guys that I am with. I don't know why, but I always think that I can't trust them. Anyways...we got into a big fight one night and I had always told him that I trusted him. I have always trusted him. The thing is, there were just some days where I would question whether I trusted him or not. When he would go out to the bars with his friends and blow me off to do that. Or when he said he would call and he wouldn't. Some weekends he would tell me that he's going out to the bars with his friends and he wants to get really drunk and black out. Those were the times I couldn't really trust him. He's told me before that when he blacks out he doesn't remember anything that happens. He couldn't even remember if he slept with 3 girls or not. This happened before we met each other. Well, when we got in this fight, I blurted out that there are times when I can't trust him. Now he's extremely angry at me and he broke things off with me. He thinks that he can't trust me because I lied to him. However, he can trust me. I have never done anything for him not to trust me...except this one thing. I know that I shouldn't have lied and I know that that was wrong of me. I love him with all my heart and I can't stand the thought of losing him. I know now that I do trust him. I have said I'm sorry a million times and I've tried talking to him but everytime we talk, he gets extrmemly angry with me and takes things that I said and completley turns them around. Then this past weekend we were both at a party, and we both got pretty drunk. We were talking about everything and I apologized and he said that it was ok and that he missed me and loved me and wanted to get back together. So we did and we ended up sleeping together that night. THe next morning he woke up and said that he didn't remember anything about last night so I told him everything that happened. He now says that all of that meant nothing since he didn't remember it and because he doesn't remember, in his mind it never happened. I'm devestated. I don't know what to do. He can trust me and I can't seem to get him to see that. Any advice would be very helpful! Thanks!
Hi, Browneyes,
You post indicates this is your first post, and Welcome to this site. I am sure you will get many good answers to your issue. I am sorry to hear about this, and hopefully can help a little.
Just so you will know how to "judge" my advice; I am 63 yrs old, divorced the first time after 7 yrs of marriage, but now married 28 yrs to a very wonderful lady, with 3 grown children and one grandson.
Alcohol has it's drawbacks, and can lead to serious consequences. Being "blacked out" is a very dangerous and warning sign, of possible alcohol abuse! If your boyfriend has wanted this to happen in the past, I sincerely hope he doesn't want it now. If he does, then this is a different problem.
Trust is something that is built into a relationship, slowly. Trusting someone means you don't have to bring it up, or say things that show you don't trust him. You made a mistake, apologized for it, said you are sorry, and it should be over.
When you both got drunk, slept together, and talked about it, was not "true" talking....it was the alcohol, saying what the other wanted to hear. Your boyfriend could very well have a drinking problem, but I am not sure. Only he can know that, not me or you. If he does, you will be MUCH better off without him.
My suggestion is to let things cool off. Why not start meeting new people? Talk with some boys you don't know, make some new friends. There is a chance your boyfriend will want to make up with you.....but DON'T do it when he is drunk. There is also the chance that he only wants to use you, for sex.
If you really want to find out if he cares for you, then don't go anywhere with him, if he wants to drink. Go to a movie, picnic, anywhere, except drinking. If you will try this, you will find out, for sure, whether he still wants you for his girlfriend.
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