Hi,

I guess I'm writing this as I seem to be slowly driving myself nuts and really don't want to talk to my friends about it (as they all out up with a good three months of my misery when my ex and I broke up). The essentials of the situation are, I'm 26 was going out with a girl (27) for c. 1 and a half years. First year was mainly long distance then I decided to move to her town and basically lost myself in her, gave her no space, etc. and she broke up with me. Well it began as a break... got very paniced, did all the wrong things and break became break up pretty quickly (this was 8 months ago). I stayed in that city for four months of mental torture not contacting her but hoping we d get back together... really bad idea (esp. when I was on a date wi someone else, met her, told her I loved her and sai told me basically I made her feel terrible when we were together (which is possibly true as I wasn't as good to her as I could have been for a range of reasons).

Anyway the reason I'm writing now is because I've moved away for the last 4 months, had nil contact and was generally getting over her (though I do miss her... we were friends first and I really miss her friendship and generally how we were together) but I recently accepted a job in the city she lives in. I did this not because I think we'll get back together (no chance) but it's a really good opportunity for me.

Since I accepted the job (I start in three weeks) I cant stop thinking about her, esp how we broke up, how I was with her. I replay everything in my mind. She was so crazy about me 9told friend/family I was the one) and I really could nt deal with it (felt too young, not ready, etc.) but now these thoughts are making me very anxious, making it hard to sleep. I have been sick for the past week as my immune system is shot from lack of sleep and too much (self inflicted) stress.

I'm not expecting some magic bullet, I guess I just wanted to share my experience with others and maybe ask if anyone had any advice? I should also ad that I'm a grad student finishing a phd (so that is another massive stress). Right now I feel like I lost the most important person in my life allover again (even though NC for four months). I just want to stop beating myself up and not feel so sick and stressed!

Thanks for listening