Check out some similar questions!

seymourbutts · Jun 19, 2010, 10:24 PM

She was the one and only person I've ever been involved with. Of course she has a boyfriend now... I think I'm over her but I'm still preoccupied by how she perceives me at present (physically/personality-wise). Although I don't ever see her, we live in the same neighborhood and have mutual friends. In fact, whenever I'm about in my neighborhood (which isn't often), I keep a look out for her and try to avoid her because I don't want her to see me as I am. I've contributed a lot of my time to academics since we split and haven't really taken care physically. She looks gorgeous still however. I digress... anyways, I just want it to be over. I want her toxin out of my mind and my life. How can this be achieved? I feel the shards of this shattered relationship is hindering my progress in life. :(

Clough · Jun 19, 2010, 10:58 PM

Hi, seymourbutts!

You might not ever forget, but you can move on with your life and get involved with another woman, if you so choose to do that.

There have been a number of past loves in my life. I haven't forgotten about them. There are some really good memories there as well as some hard teaching and lessons that were learned. For one reason or another, things just didn't work out. Does it mean that I don't still really love some of them and they also me? No. Do I still see some of them occasionally? Yes. Can I be cordial with them and with their new boyfriends and perhaps husbands? Yes.

I chose to move on. You can too!

You're only thinking that the ex-relationship is keeping you from moving on with your life.

Your relationship with that woman is over. If you might have things in your home that remind you of her, you might want to get rid of them in some way.

Be proud of the good things that you do and seek out others who are into the same things that you are. Be social. Ever onward, ever upward! You can turn your "scars into stars", but it's a matter of you choosing to do that.

Again, it is your choice... Who else is going to do it for you? No one.

What are some of the things that your interested in academically as well as socially and recreationally, please?

Thanks!

talaniman · Jun 20, 2010, 05:33 AM

You may never forget but you can deal with those memories in a positive way, by not dwelling on them. Since you have moved on, and done your thing quite well, there should be no problem.

I get the same ghosts of the past as you do when I go back home and remember the old times, so I think its normal to be triggered by people, places, and things from the past. It passes though as your attentions turn, but it amazes me how gorgeous exes can be, even after babies, and a bunch of exes, LOL!! Memories are forever, as well they should be, and that's the way they should be dealt with, as a flashback from the past, and not a part of what you're doing now.

amicon · Jun 20, 2010, 12:20 PM

Memories are memories,and probably will always be there,but your life is here and now and even though your memories are part of who you are-life moves on-new people,new experiences and a more complete you.

hheath541 · Jun 20, 2010, 12:32 PM

Stop working on forgetting her, and start working on not letting the memories control you.

Make a conscious effort to improve the way you feel about yourself. Start doing things for you. Buy a new shirt. Eat healthier. Work out a little. Get a haircut. Just do little things to feel to good about yourself.

Feeling better about yourself will help you care less about what she might think of you.