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my ex and I started to kind of talk again, i called her a few days ago and we talked a little bit about how we are doing and college. we both told eachother that we are doing great. i want to start talking to her more and more and eventually i want to ask her out for something simple like ice cream or lunch, something very casual. i dont want to force anything, because i know that will push her away and i will only hurt myself. how should i approach this situation? should i be forward with her about how i really feel? (i still love very very very much) or should i play it off like i dont need her?
I wouldn't push anything. I think that you should wait and see how things go. I would not start bombarding her with phone calls especially since I'm still not convinced you fully grasp the extent of the psychological damage that you inflicted upon your ex. you seem to have a "devil be damned" attitude about the whole thing and don't seem to care how it happens but are dead set to the point of obsession in getting her back.
How long you been split up. My advise would be to go NC for a while, let the 'dust' settle, learn from what went wrong, grow as a person and most importantly learn to be happy alone. If you can do that then your ahead of the 'game'!
You yourself probably know if she or more like you is affecting you more than a person should. Somtimes we just have to make a clean break to get ourself back for our own emotional and physical well being, I had to! Allthough she still is in my thoughts alot of the day its better than being confused all the time in contact with someone you still care deeply about.
You will probably find out you are simply a 'friend' and your be gutted! Learn the hard way if you want. I did.
What made you call her? I thought we agreed that you were going to leave her alone and let her come to you when she sees fit, if ever.
I still stand by what I have said before many times, let her be. Focus on you!!! Not only are you antagonizing her, you are making yourself look insane, and you are adding stress to your life that you dont need. Make yourself better first, then think about the next move.
What made you call her? I thought we agreed that you were going to leave her alone and let her come to you when she sees fit, if ever.
I still stand by what I have said before many times, let her be. Focus on you!!! Not only are you antagonizing her, you are making yourself look insane, and you are adding stress to your life that you dont need. Make yourself better first, then think about the next move.
Some people are just gluttons for punishment. Thats the conclusion I have reached. They keep going back to the same people that treat them badly and expect them to change...then when they are old and gray they wonder why they wasted half their lives on someone that never gave them what they expected when they first met.
This is simple....if you are constantly fighting.... someone is always disrespecting you or taking off and needing "space" its time to dump them and move on. Life's too short to waste on people like that.
The line between an obsessed ex and a stalker is razor thin. The object of boths attention does not want the attention of either. And is likely enough to get a restraining order issued.
Some people are just gluttons for punishment. Thats the conclusion I have reached. They keep going back to the same people that treat them badly and expect them to change...then when they are old and gray they wonder why they wasted half their lives on someone that never gave them what they expected when they first met.
He is the one that treated her badly, so she dumped him, and now he is doing everything in his power to get her back. It is all explained in the links Glinda gave above, although I know there are a lot of them to go through.
He is in therapy now for his anger problem and needs to focus on that before trying to win her back. He needs to realize that it is her decision whether to talk to him or not, and bugging her is not going to make the situation go in his favor.
He is the one that treated her badly, so she dumped him, and now he is doing everything in his power to get her back. It is all explained in the links Glinda gave above, although I know there are a lot of them to go through.
He is in therapy now for his anger problem and needs to focus on that before trying to win her back. He needs to realize that it is her decision whether to talk to him or not, and bugging her is not going to make the situation go in his favor.
OK...
just reverse rolls then....given that past she is likely to get a restraining order issued and it can turn ugly real fast. Best he close that chapter in his life, and move on. And remember what he learned in therapy in his next relationship. He can't erase the past....nor will she forget it.
I recommend forgetting her and moving on...you don't want to be picking up the soap in a prison shower (thats as clean as I can make it so use your imagination) because you won't take a hint. And if it goes as far as a restraining order a single phone call can put you there.
I think you need to leave her alone. You treat her like crap and then can't accept that she is with someone else. I think this is nothing but male pride talking.
Do her a favor and leave her alone and maybe you can use this time to figure out how to treat people.
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