Asked Jan 14, 2007, 08:09 PM
Ok guys.. Here's a tough one!
Remember my last post? I broke my long distance relationship off 4 months ago, I dated another guy, then told my ex I still missed him, he told me he did too, we started having regular contact and realize we have feelings for each other, I told him its very probable that I'm going to go and study in his country he was happy and we said we were going to give us a real try.. The day I confirmed him I'm going to go for sure he told me the day before he kissed this girl and started seeing her and said he didn't know what is going to happen with her, he said he still wants to try it with me but can't promise me anything.
Not long ago ( last monday) he told me he's not going out with her and we made plans for when I get there.. I was so happy! I said FINALLY! I'm going to be there and he's going to be with ME!
That was my last post.
But after that last post of mine some things happened:
I went in his myspace and found that the same day he told me he's not with her, she sent him a message saying: "Its been a while.. What's new with you.. Blabla.. I'm going to go to this club on friday, maybe see you there?" And he answered and said "Nothing's new, yes Ill go on friday talk to you on before that.. Ttyl"
It proved he was beeing honest and it seemed like a normal message.. Not flirty or anything. So on Friday ( the same friday they were going to go to that club) I talked to him..
I was trying to be nice and flirty but he didn't respond. He was all weird and "un-sweet".. He was kind of "avoiding" me and my attempts to be sweet.
I went straight to the point and said..: "So you told me ure not with this girl.. What happened?" and he said they still talk and he doesn't know what will happen with her.. He told me she asked him out but he didn't know what to do and told me that's why he's been so stressed lately..
I asked him what he meant and told him to tell me cause I give good advice..He said he was afriad they would hook up. So asked him what's the problem if she likes him and he likes her.. And he said "Yes, but ure coming" "Thats why I have no freaking idea what to do" so I said " So what? Its fine with me" and he said "You have no idea how much I like you". He said if we're together and then I leave again he won't be able to take it.. And he said its not fine with me and he said he knew I was mad and told me to stop pretending like I don't care, cause he knows I do.
Long story short I controlled all my anger, sadness and used the " I'm your friend" aproach..
I told him to do something about her if he likes her and not to do it if he doesn't like her. I talked to him as a friend.. I told him I'm his friend and want to keep his friendship and told him he could trust me. I told him to do what he thinks is best and to go for the girl he likes the most.
He tole me she's awesome but her parents are strict and boring and he would have to go for dinners etc.. (Dumb excuses)
He said " Ok, Say I won't go for her.. And Ill be with you for sure.. But are you ok with seeing me only once or twice a week?" ( he lives in another city)
I said If that's what he really wants I wouldn't mind cause we've been apart for longer periods of time..
He told me everything. He said one night he was at a bar and he got drunk, she kissed him and she thought he liked her and everybody thought so, but then days went on and she called, texted and he didn't do anything about it. So all her friends and herself thought he's an .
He said now she contacted him again and if he doesn't do something everybody will hate him..
So I told him: Yes she likes you. But you never did anything about her.. Could it be you don't like her as much? You only kissed when ure drunk.. Does that tell you something? Would you really go out with her just so her friends don't hate you?
He said he "kind of" likes her but never as much as he likes me.. And I told him I'm sure she doesn't like him as much as I do..
I told him I hope I helped him to make up his mind and asked him something :
Say you go out with her and it gets serious.. You and me .. Were going to be friends and I guess we'll go out .. You say you like me more than you like her.. So how are you going to feel when you see me? Trapped? You won't be able to kiss me or do anything cause you'll be serious with this girl?
And he said: You're right.
He said he had to go. I told him I know he has the answer. He told me he would talk to me the next day and I told him to do so and tell me what's up. He said he will tell me everything. We wished each other a good time and said goodbye..
I felt this was a very honest conversation from both ends.. He told me what he feels.. He told the truth and opened up.. He trusts me. I can see from what he told me he's not really interested in her.. I'm the one he really wants and he just can't be with her knowing I'm going to be there soon.. If she's so nice and if she likes him so much.. Then the problem is HIM. He doesn't like her enough.. She's right there.. What's the problem?
I am the problem. Its me. And he knows it.
Whats your interpretation? We all know he's confused.. But what's most likely to happen?
Is he going to go for her.. Or is he going to come for me? What can you predict by the conversation?
Sorry for the LONG post..
And thanks for your help and honesty!