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I never really understood how the holidays could be so hard on some people until tonight. I've been doing well since my girlfriend of 6 years dumped me back in July, but man, I've been having all sorts of nasty dreams and depressed thoughts about her.
Is there something wrong with me? Why is it taking so long? I'm not even close to being over her yet, despite having a rebound relationship a few months back and going out with friends all the time. I even got the dream job I've always wanted with a phenomenal salary...all of this fails to make me happy.
Is there anything I can do to make myself feel better? These thoughts are just eating me up. For example, I keep thinking back to this Facebook message I read that she left for one of her friends that said she was going to visit some guy at his school. I keep picturing her having sex with him and it makes me wanna throw up.
Location: United Kingdom - usually cold and wet here!
Posts: 1,276
It could be the very fact that this will be the first Christmas in 6 years that you will not be spending with your ex which is causing you to think and feel this way. I am going through a similar process after my ex of 3 years left me nearly 4 months ago and this will be the first Christmas in 3 years I will not be spending with my ex.
It is hard and I don't think there is anything wrong with you. You were with her for 6 years and spent a big chapter of your life with her. There will be ups and downs and if you truly loved her, then these feelings may always be there somewhere albeit not as much and the frequency of these thoughts and feelings over time will gradually become much less frequent until one day, it will probably be just a brief passing thought or feeling.
It is certainly not healthy to be thinking of someone else having sex with your ex but I don't for one second believe that this means there is anything wrong with you. I suspect that this too is part of the process you are going through too. try not to think so much about the time issue. Just ride this Christmas through to the new year as best you can and surround yourself with friends and/or family and try your best not to think of her too much. I know its hard (believe me, I know) but the new year may help put thing into perspective..
Geoff seems to have hot the nail on the head the holidays are always tuff spending them alone without your ex for the first time in a number of years ! The feelings and things that you have going on may be because you are still not totaly over the break up ! I don't think that there is anything wrong with you....I guess deep down inside you may still be grieving about things and have issue's about the break up....You need to carry on keeping yourself busy with friends etc and enjoy being you and enjoy the life that your making for yourself.
Location: Now hailing from St. Petersburg, Florida US of A, North America, planet Earth, Milky Way Galaxy.
Posts: 2,296
First let me say, quit reading facebook. Get rid of all things that are her. You can't fully move forward until you let it go which means losing everything related to her.
Also December for most people is a time when they stop and reflect back on the year that was. That's why a lot of feelings pop up in this month or around the holidays. Even if you had been feeling really good December is a month of reflection. January will get better for you because you'll start to see the entire year as a possiblity of things to come. I'm not saying you won't think of the ex, but those memories will be from a different era. The era that was 2006.
The holidays are often very depressing for some people. Especially those who have experienced a major loss as that is the time they feel it most acutely. What you're experiencing is normal and common. Give yourself some positive self-talk and focus on all that's good in your life right now. Make a list of all the reasons why you're better off without her. Keep on building your life like you've been doing.
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