My and my girlfriend have been together for 12 years. We are both 29 now. We are now seperated.
She is the one that left, not enough respect and a bit to controlling is what i was. Sounds about right to me. She was also very stressed and feeling guilty about everything.
Its been a long road to where we are, her parents are not there for her at all. Both of them pillheads and out of it. I had my own problems, alchy dad, manic, ptsd mom but my mom is who we both stayed with for about 6 years. I learned through all this drama and tore up houses that in order for things to get done/kept sane i had to be controlling and stern. Be it keeping my girlfriend out of trouble or keeping my mother sane. I was very busy. Non stop heartache for years.
I have been in counseling for about 3 years and have been making very good progress my son/mother relationship was given a clean bill of health (mother is also doing great) and i was starting to focus more on me and my gf,
My gf also says she has been put on the back burner and she has. But me being the do it the right way control person i am kids and marriage were not even in question at that time. Me and her had stuff to work out. She hasn't and wont go to counseling right now.
I would say the last year of our relationship has been OK. I do a pretty even mix i feel of being a jerk and being a good guy. There are days i will chew here out and say somthing mean. There are also days (more days) when i compliment her and tell her i love her. To me we are at least content. But not growing.
She has own problems. At least it appears that way to me. She is very much a mother hen. I mean mother hen as in constantly doing things that i am capable of doing, this may seem like she is being nice but i feel its more out of habit, she does this with everyone. She is very obligated to everyone. She is also very naggy i should say. She baby sits her cousin and will not stop telling him what to do for even a min.
Her being the mother hen (for lack of a better term) had me scared even to talk.I would fumble words for fear of saying the wrong thing. I would constantly worry about her coming into the room while i was on the computer/tv i was actaully jumpy. So that would lead to me snapping. She also was aggravated alot of the time. I had been doing much better with my patients and anxiety. And was even warming up a bit to having kids, she had went the other way. she didnt even want to fool with kids. I dont think she mean this but it was said.
Mabye she knows her past is going to have to be worked out first. It is my goal in life to fix my parents goof ups and not make the same mistakes they made and so far im living up to it. She felt the same way.
I dont know if we will get back togerther. 12 years is a long time. And at this point i understand what happens has to happen. I would like for her to get counseling and for me to keep up with mine and get this worked out. But she and me both have some growing up to do.
Really not asking for anything but me typing this our helps alot and mabye it can help someone else out.
Maybe you guys just need some time apart to figure out who you are seperate from one another. 12 years is a long time and 29 is still young. I would think that you guys need to just have space to figure everything out.
I have the personal belief that if its meant to be it shall be. You guys have known one another for a long time and I can't imagine that your friendship cannot remain.
I think you have some good ideas that if you do get back together I think that both of you need to learn how to communicate better and work on your relationship. You both have to decide if its worth it and if its what you both really want.
I think you are right that there is some growing up that needs to be done and maybe the problems stem for the fact that you guys have been together since you were kids.
I wish you luck in this and I have to say you sound pretty level headed about it all.
We still have ties together, she has my car, key to our apartment, bills. She wants to help me out with them if i want. Im starting to understand how this is going to make things worse.
But she text me today asking me to come to her work and bring her some money (its going to be tight for a few more days) And i was about 4 mins typing a response, before i had a chance she text (well i quess not thanks anyways) I read this and started balling. To me this was some sort sign on her part she still cared, or was at least needy lol.
Things are getting easier but sometime i feel so hopeless and even scared on what is going to happen to me. The uncertainty is what is killing me the most. Also i feel that hope is the only thing that keeps me going. But i dont want to depend on this as i truly dont know if we will get back together. To me its leaning towards no.
Me and my girl of 12 years are split up. She is staying at a girlfriends house. Today she called me asked me to bring her some money for gas (we share lots of bills and will have to work that out) So i come to her work and give her some money we chat for a min, shes not felling well and has not eaten today. So as i leave she says call her i want. I say last time i called you didnt answer you can call me if you want. She have me a weird look and walked away.
1 Hour laster she text me and said thanks for the money it really helped.
Can someone tell me if im reading into this to much. And what i should do?
When she left i said you know we can work this out. She said i know but i would obligated if i came back right now. I want her back badly. I quess i reading into the thank you text as some kind of sign of her still caring.
12 years is a long time, of course she still cares. I think she's holding back right now a little bit because she's leery of a repeat of the breakup. It is a good sign that you are on speaking terms and can be both courteous and friendly. Whatever the reason the breakup was over, I have a feeling it is a trust issue and trust is a privelege, not a right, and needs to be earned. Sometimes a little breathing room when two people have been together for so long can do a world of good. When she said she knows it can be worked out, that's also telling you something. For now, stay on the same terms as you are now and don't try to force the relationship, let it happen naturally. She'll thank you for that later.
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