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I worte a post about a guy i dated for 7 months,and he broke up w/me and met someone,was sort of a LDR thing, but wanted to stay friends with me.
I did not want to continue being friends because it didnt work for me, especially when he moved on to someoneels,whom he ditched me for. I felt i was getting strung along and no longer wanted to be there waiting for his calls or have any false hopes since he clearly moved on.
This stops me from moving on because i still had feelings for him-thats why I written a post asking "Can one be friends with an Ex"
Now his interactions with me is bordering on mental abuse, because i've finally wisened up. not only is he's 'imsulted' that I no longer want scraps of his time-and that his friendship on his term is not an option. he insults me by acting as though there was never between us,it was all in my head.
This was unortunately an LDR-met him here,he moved back to his own country-met someone local,and wants to stay 'friends'. When i didnt want this he hurts me by writing insulting emails as if I'm crazy and evrything btwn us was all in my head,and we'll never be more than friends,thish hurts more than ever.
Can no longer deal with him or this, i atill love him but cant deal with his insults-rejection while his new girl gets to have him.
I think you know what you have to do, although it may hurt for awhile. Staying friends with an ex rarely happens unless it was a mutual decision to end the relationship. He dumped you and now he is being nasty to you because you won't be friends with him? Be glad you are rid of him because that is neither relationship or friendship material!
Write him one more email if you need to, to get your feelings out, and AS SOON as you send it, BLOCK HIM from sending you anything anymore!
He can't be emotionally abusing you if you have NC with him! Don't read anymore emails, IM's, text msgs, or answer your phone if he calls. You need to move on, he has. Then do what he did and find someone local that you can spend some real time with and is around in the physical sense, instead of a LDR or computer relationship. That just doesn't work.
I appreciate it Starbuck,last time i wrote a respomse and let everything out i get nothing but nastiness,i learned my lseeson. People i've spoken to, especially my therapists says not to respond,let it be your last contact with hi. But my feelings still want him,I wish they would go away,and how long if i really eploy NC will it take.
Obviously i'll never get what i want from him.
Go no contact with him, for as long as it takes, as the more proactive you are in building a happy life, that you enjoy, the sooner you move from his misery and pain, and confusion and drama. Learn to love yourself, and put him behind you where he belongs, and if that means blocking the phone, or sending his emails to spam, do so now. Its a lot to look forward to, so don't look back.
Go no contact with him, for as long as it takes, as the more proactive you are in building a happy life, that you enjoy, the sooner you move from his misery and pain, and confusion and drama. Learn to love yourself, and put him behind you where he belongs, and if that means blocking the phone, or sending his emails to spam, do so now. Its a lot to look forward to, so don't look back.
Very right Tal, hey, i cant seem to link on to your how to get him or her back post. I know i shouldnt be reading it. But can you help?
If he can say even 1 nasty thing about you after you break up and are supposed to be 'friends' then I wouldn't waste my time on him it my\ay be lonely being alone but an\t least you know that you can depend on yourself to get you throught the day, some guys you can be friends with after being intimate most you cannot and its unfortunate but true, so I wouldn't waste time worring about him and his ex because obviously, and not saying this to be hurtful, but obviously he is not wasting time thinking about you, also don't stoop to his level its hard to be the bigger person beleive me I know but the people who know you and care about you will support you even more if you don't go around crying about him or trashing him just drop him and eventually you will find the one who will treat you with the decency and respect you deserve
Cut off all contact, you can't be friends with someone who broke up with you WHILE you still have feelings for him. It's really is wishful thinking, and may I add, a bad one, to ask someone you broke up with to still be friends. While you still feel things towards the person, remaining friends will just be like stabbing your wound over and over again. Move on first and once you do, maybe, just maybe you guys could be friends again... I am in your position RIGHT now to tell you the truth.. It's only been a month and my ex wants to be friends still... and yet shes dating someone new... >_> I'm just killing myself if I do so... Accept and move on first, and just put it in your head that you guys are over... thats what Im trying to do even though I know its hard... keep pushing... X_x I'm struggling myself...
I appreciate it Starbuck,last time i wrote a respomse and let everything out i get nothing but nastiness,i learned my lseeson. People i've spoken to, especially my therapists says not to respond,let it be your last contact with hi. But my feelings still want him,I wish they would go away,and how long if i really eploy NC will it take.
Obviously i'll never get what i want from him.
No hun, sorry to say but I don't think you'll ever get what you want from him. I think you are sad about who you wanted him to be, and it's not really who he is.
He is a player and a user! In my opinion he only wants to stay friends to keep his options open 'just in case' it doesn't work out with the new g/f. He wants to string you along to make sure he has you in his 'back pocket', and he thinks remaining friends with you will keep the door open if HE wants to come back to you. Then when you wouldn't play along with his game, he got nasty with you and tried to make it seem like you made things up in your mind about your relationship.
That wouldn't be much of a life for you, would it?! Think about it. I'm sure if he did come back to you, you wouldn't have much trust in him and you would probably question his every move. Then he would start to blame you for getting in his business all of the time. He has already proven that he's not above hurting you, and he will do it again after the "honeymoon" period of the relationship.
Keep on telling yourself everyday, I DESERVE BETTER! Take a bunch of sticky notes and write that on them and paste them all over your house so you see them everyday! Find your internal dialouge and instead of saying...'but I love him and miss him'...try and replace that with...'he is poison in my life and he's not going to be my future', or something to that effect. Force yourself to look at the notes and say it in your head, or outloud to yourself, everyday!
Have a good cry, and then get angry, get real freakin pissed off, throw darts at a pic of him if you have to. Get your feelings out and the rest will follow. You will realise in awhile that you didn't think of him that day, and a while later you can't quite remember what he looks like, and sooner or later someone will mention his name and it will take you awhile to remember who he was.
Get out and meet some new people, or send a pkg to yourself...maybe the UPS guy will be cute, lol.
Thankyou so much Starbuck8!!
Where were you when all this craziness happened,you are absolutely right on the mark. I wish I had real friends like you near me so i wouldnt've counted on this loser.
I really thought i was going crazy and believed his lies that it was all in my head till i saw an old e-mail from him citing that distance was a real problem and that he stilll loved me,and this (distance)cannot be overlooked. I had the right mind to send that e-mail back to him as proof that i wasnt crazy-but hold off on that. I wasnt sure what it would accomplish. Stil not sure-but it would make eat his nasty words. Now that he has a gf-its like,oh lets trash Viv-since i dont really need her. i was more of his confident-sex line anything he wanted me to be-except i couldnt just up and leave everything and be with him because i was still in school.
There was a time i was envious of his gf-b/c so there was no way i wanted to play second fiddle,backburner pocket firnd whom he chats about his problems whenever she's not around.
Btw, UPS guys are really kind of cute-always on the go-need to watch out though
No Prob!! You can send me a msg anytime you need to talk or vent...you can send it private if you want to. I'll try and give you the guts not to pick up that phone, or get on your computer and send him stuff that will probably just go right over his head anyway. Relationships are hard when they go bad. Been there, done that, more than once I'm sorry to say.
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