but I swear to god I'm completely falling in love with him.

I posted ages ago with a question about a guy at work, nothing had really happened then, but now, a few months on, it's progressed somewhat. I've met his friends, he's met mine, our friends have met...

This guy is sooooo amazing. He's so clever, ambitious, he has the sexiest southern accent - this coming from a Geordie girl - and he's absolutely besotted with me. I guess I am with him aswell..

The thing is, anyone who knew me would tell you the same thing, i'm 310% shallow and superficial - normally. But this is different.. on so many levels.

My current boyfriend is fantastic - he's great with my son, the sex is fantastic, he does anything he can to make me happy - but it's just not working. And I guess thats because he's not the guy for me. We've split up nad got back together so many times in the past year I think thats the pattern the relationships destined to take, a little bit immature..

It's different with the guy from work. We actually talk about things, actual real things, it's not all superficial and pointless - he actually has opinions on things and voices them and then listens to my opinions on things - and then we debate them.

We go out alot - or as much as I can without getting a hard time from my current boyfriend and I have an absolutely fantastic time. I've told him stuff I wouldn't dream of telling other people - the only way I can describe it is: I'm with him, how I am with my best friend, except I want to &!*# him (pardon the expression).

BUT HE HAS A TINY WILLY!! And straight back to the shallow problem, he's not that great looking at all - although to be honest, everyone who's met him has been absolutely taken with him because he's just such a chatty, sociable, intelligent guy - all the people that matter to me at least.

I;m just worried if the sex isn't up to much - although not crucial.. what if I end up straying again? I;m not normally a cheater, but I'm approaching 24 and I just have a feeling this is going to be my first proper adult relationship that's going to actually mean anything.

You know when you just know? It sounds stupid I guess, but from my 3 other previous 'serious relationships' this is by far the most intense. I'm a disgusting cynic and don't go in for all that soul mate rubbish, but there's a definite connection of some sort..

Either way, I'm going to leave my curent boyfriend and get a flat with my son and live by self for a while and take thiis slowly - something I didn't do with current boyfriend after we moved intogether after 4 months...

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!

ISneezeFunny

my question is...how do you know his penis is small? ...this shows me that you did something with this guy while you're still in a relationship.

...guess what that makes you? a cheater.

rheinhessen

I believe what I actually said, and I quote grammatical error and all, "I;m not normally a cheater" which pretty much leaves it open for people to interpret that as I have actually cheated on my current partner - something which I;m not exactly proud of, but can't back, nor regret if I'm entirely honest...

And also - not that it makes the blindest bit of difference of justifies me - it's happened oncein about 7 months.. and under duress on his part (although obviously not against his will) as he never wanted it to happen given my circumstances.. which ironically made me want to do it all the more becuase it just reaffirmed what a beautiful person he is - and it's not a game on his part, and if it it is, it's a game he's putting way too much time and effort into..

ISneezeFunny

there's physical cheating and emotional cheating.

you said that it happened once..7 months ago. does this mean that you cheated on your boyfriend 7 months ago...with small-willy guy? ...that means...you've been emotionally cheating on your boyfriend for more than 7 months?

rheinhessen

that I cannot argue with.... yes, yes I have..

JBeaucaire

Hmm, I may be reading this wrong, but I'll take a shot.

It appears you're becoming more mature and resisting the changes that makes in you. The yoyo relationship with the current "great sex BF" is not managing to keep your attention. The more intense emotional connection you have with this "regular Joe" is more attractive and you're resisting because being shallow has been your domain up til now.

Hehe, but to quote the Borg - Resistance Is Futile.

Looks are a dating starting point. Mature women know that looks are completely irrelevant in HAPPINESS scenarios. And don't even let me get started on the difference between party-single-sex (way fun) and monogamous-married-sex (way more meaningful).

A man you can talk about things with, laugh with, plan for the future with, and learn about REAL sexual fulfillment, Oh my gosh! No way a man who loves you will let a small penis stop him from giving you pleasure, and you're REAL love for him will make that a moot point, too.

This could REALLY be awesome for you if you get out of your own way.

Fr_Chuck

I actually don't see the issue because as you stated, you are shallow, so this can be many things, he has a secure job, income and carrer, in college it is amazing, those engnieering nerds that can't get a date all though college, all of sudden get the Miss Georgia or the college home comming queen a few years after college when they are bringing in that 300,000 and driving the sports car. *** not that beauty queens are shallow by any means,

So at some point, those girls who are shallow, understand it is not the big willy, but the bigger check book that starts looking alot better.

ISneezeFunny

I guess I'm not as nice as JBeaucaire. It's mainly because most of the guys on this site posting on relationship forums are guys like her boyfriend. He does everything he can in order to please her, but he's missing "something"...and because of it, his girlfriend cheats on him. Later on, he's on this site crying "what happened...what did I do wrong...?"

JBeaucaire

Maybe, but that's not fair. Ultimately, she needs to be honest with the journey she is on. This thread is about advising what we think SHE should do.

If she cheated on him, all the more reason to move on. It's really over with him and better for her maturing character if she's honest about that too. Now.

rheinhessen

To be honest - this entire thing isn't really about my current ex BF - it about myself and this other guy. Nor am throwing open the door for people to judge me - although obviously this is a public forum and it's bound to happen.

Whether the new guy was around or not - the current relationship I'm in now is doomed. There's just nothing there at all... we split up, get back together, fine for a few months, split up, get back together, fine for a few months...

I'd much rather pursue something worthwhile than go around in circles, subjecting my son to having to watch a relationship where the people involved pretty much put up and shut up for the sake of a quiet life, or sacrafice their own happiness just because the other is happy..

I want my son to witness a loving relationship, where both people want to make the other happy, and talk to each other; something which is already beginning to happen.

If I'm entirely honest, my mind is already made up. I'm at work right now, and he's sitting right beside me, and things seem to have gotten even better (if that is possible) just because I've come to a decision in my head about exactly what I want to do and who I want to be with - and I've told him about it.

Thanks JBeaucaire - your first post pretty much hit the nail on right on the head