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he's in love with someone else, dont knw if i should stop all contact to get over him
Hi, really hope you can help me.
I knew this guy when i was in college (just as an acquaintance). He moved to another country for work. we got in touch online and hve chatted a lot of times. I really started to like him, i mean really really like him but i thot i'd tell him when he came down, rather than online. Unfortunately tho, before that could happen he met someone else online and fell in love with her, so much tht he plans to marry her. Well, tht really hurt and i was soo disappointed. But i understand it's his decision, and i blew my chance.
When he had told me about her, i stopped chatting too often. But lately he's been having a lot of problems with her, especially cos of the distance (she's in this country). I've been chatting much more lately, helping him resolve his probs, just being there for him as a friend, cos he is really hooked on to this girl and all the fights make him miserable.
Ok, so honestly in my heart i'm really hoping he breaks up with her, but i knw i'm just kidding myself if i expect that.
So my question is, do i completely cut myself off from him and get on with my life, cos its just so painful to hear how much he loves her and cant live without her. Doing this will spare me the heartache. but on the other hand do i not be selfish, and be a good friend to him by hearing him out and being his support. He tells me tht i'm the only one who understands him and my being there means a lot to him. i dont knw what to do, i really like this guy. on the one hand i want him to be happy and want to be atleast a good friend but on the other hand it hurts to see him with someone else and the only way for me to get over him is to break all contact.
Appreciate any help on this
Your fault. You became the "good friend", and now, nothing can happen, but enjoy the status. I would say, you may try to stay away from him, for some time, to see his reactions, or you may just dissapear completely, if you cant deal with your status and control your emotions toward him. If you stay there, that "like" from your part, will transform to something else, more deeper, and you have to live the conseguences.
You have to do what is best for you. If you feel you can't deal being the shoulder to cry on with this guy, break the contact. Who knows, he may be great on-line and be totally different in reality. You could be in love with the idea of him.
If talking and communicating with him bothers you that much then I'd stop. It's not fair of him to put that much burden on your shoulders. Besides, any problems he's having with his intended he should be discussing with her, not you. It's not your place to fix his problems, especially at the expense of your own happiness.
If talking and communicating with him bothers you that much then I'd stop. It's not fair of him to put that much burden on your shoulders. Besides, any problems he's having with his intended he should be discussing with her, not you. It's not your place to fix his problems, especially at the expense of your own happiness.
I wish I could give you another greenie for this one. You're totally right. This man should be discussing all his problems with his girlfriend!
Also, he's not falling in love with you for being his crutch. Try something new and cut communication. Get a life by taking care of your own feelings, instead of his.
His reaction will tell you whether he loves you or not.
Sad Soul agrees: ! GOOD! And we'll support you all the way! Show him that you're worth so much more than this type of situation!
I wrote something that didn't really make sense when I rated your response. I thought this was the post of the girl being in a relationship with a cheater. Oh well, I would have given you a greenie anyway for deciding to concentrate on your own life.
Hey me again,
I stopped all contact with him. Now he's been mailing and asking me whats wrong and why wont i speak to him. he's even called several times, i didnt answer.
What shuld i do, should i make some excuse of being busy and not having the time or should i just ignore completely??????
What shuld i say to him?????
oh this is a tough situation, i think you got three options:
lie to him: tell him your busy, this won't stop him trying to contact you though, jus really gives an excuse of why you haven't been contacting him for a while and lies ead to more lies and it just becomes one huge big mess of lies.
Ignore him: carry on not contacting him, but this is the worst option cause if he feels like your a good friend and you jus start ignoring him then ya know it might hurt him.
tell the truth: tell him bout liking him and that the situations jus to awkward, so ya think its best jus not to stay in anymore. this is the hardest option expressing how ya feel but, honesty is the best policy and i think it would have the best end result, he'll have a reason for you not staying in contact and won't keep trying to contact you.. hopefully. : )
GOOD! And we'll support you all the way! Show him that you're worth so much more than this type of situation!
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