My gf and I had been dating for a year when last Aug, she said she needed to take a break. She told me that she had made many relationship errors in her life and that she had been thinking about that lately. She has been married four times and has always ended one relationship and gone right into another one the next day. Her normal thing to do is already have the next one established when she leaves the current one. The reason I know all this is because she explained it to me and was part of why she needed to take a break, so she could heal herself from all the past mistakes. She also told me she was beginning to resent me because she was compounding everyone elses mistakes on me and making me pay for them. So as she is telling me she needs this break she tells me the we are still dating, still a couple, and she asks that I not see anyone else during this time since I still have a gf. So reluctantly I agree to take this break. Here is where my question comes in. After we agree to take this break it was two months (Nov 1) before she moved out of our house. Then when she did move out she left some furniture and other things that she told me were some of her most prized possesions. She also left bathroom over night stuff, so according to her she will have them here when she spends the night. She also told me that this break will help her become a better person, us a better, stronger couple and in the long run will allow us to spend the rest of our lives together, and without this break we will be just break up. So as she is moving out I ask for her key and garage door opener back, and her daughters key back. She tells me that since she is still my gf she is entitled to keep them. That way when she comes over she can get in, and this way she can also make surprise visits to see if she catches me with someone else. When I asked for my key to her apartment I was told " sorry you don't get one". Yes I have since changed the locks. Ok, she moves out and then starts calling me asking me to come over for this and that, and calls me everynight before she goes to sleep. Then all the sudden she tells me I'm pushing to hard trying to see her and that I'm not allowing her to heal and miss me, and that if I don't give her some space she will realize that she did made the right choice by leaving and that she will be forced to break up with me which is something she claims she really doesn't want to do. So since the beginning of Dec we haven't talked much nor seen each other at all. I know for a fact she isn't dating because her family wants me back in the picture and they keep me up to date because they don't want me to give up on her. They tell me that everything she is doing right now is totally different than normal when is out of a relationship. Why did it take so long for her to move out after she told me that she needed a break, and why leave things behind? I look at it as by leaving them behind she always has a reason to contact me. So could she be on the up-and-up with all this, or do I just really need to cut my ties?

nymphetamine

Ah I know some experts who would have a field day with this one. You mean to tell me this girl actually told you that she wanted a break up and then expect you not to see anyone else? Oh bleep no! I dont care what her family says. family will never say anything against their own child. You think she wasnt talkin to other men? Honey please. whats with all the control freak stuff? she can have the keys to your apartment but not you hers? cause she dont wont you to walk in on her and her other man if she has one. shes leaving the stuff behind as a way to control you. That is inconsiderate and selfish of her to do. she also sounds to me like she has insecurity issues.Im sorry but something is extremely off about this female and Im not just refering to the 4 marriages thing. somethings a little bit odd.
she already has her next relationship established when she leaves the current one. Does that mean she goes out and looks for a new guy and then dumps her old boyfriend? All i can say is cut the ties and run, run and do not look back.

CaptainForest

I couldn't have said it better myself crankiebabie.

She doesnt want YOU to have a key to her place...shes sleeping with other men. Establishing the new bf before she dumps you. As she told you, that is her pattern.

The stuff, she wants to control you. See, she doesnt want to be single. By the way, she should see a therapist. So by leaving it there, you 2 are still "dating".

Smart thing changing your locks.

Now give her stuff back to her and tell her to hit the road.

03fridge

I agree with everything you're saying. Do I think she has been talking to other guys...sure I do. Do I think she is looking for a replacement for me...I think if the opportunity presents its self, of course. By the way all of those things (4 marriages, and already having guys lined up) came to light after she told me she wanted a break. Our relationship was going great guns, one day, then the next this. So her taking those two months to move out after she told me she wanted a break and leaving things behind is a control issue? How is it a control issue? Sorry if I seem naive asking these questions, but I've never been in a situation like this. Every other relationship I've been in was always cut and dry at its end with everyone taking their stuff and going home. This is new territory for me.

To answer the question about the new boyfriends being already "in-place". Yes, she would search for and start to date the new boyfriend before she ended it with the old boyfriend. In her families eyes, due to the fact that she hasn't really broken up with me, but instead asked for a break (and the diffence is?) they are doing everything they can to try and keep me from cutting my ties in hopes that we'll once again be a couple.

nymphetamine

Okay the reason I say its a control thing. She is allowed to have a key to your apartment but you are not allowed to have a key to her apartment. She wants a key to your apartment so she can come spy on you. you arent allowed to date anyone else but she obviously can. sounds control freakish to me. what im seeing is she gets to go out on her little "break" and do what ever she pleases and she expects you to wait around on her like a good little puppy. okay now, that part where you say she starts calling you everyday and then starts saying you're pushing her too much, why exactly did she say that?

talaniman

Ask yourself if you need this drama?At least you changed the locks, good move,the next one is even easier,take all her stuff to her family!Now we have a clean break and you owe her nothing!She has nothing on you no reason to call or come by!YOU ARE FREE of this nut! Still confused?She moved out(almost)and told you to stay put and hold your breathe till she decides to come back,if ever.How does the truth sound to you? You can do this one of two ways,her way or the right way,go about your own business.If you don't have a life get one,Don't call,her or her family.In a year you will be glad you did.GEEEZ dude do you have any idea how many decent sane fun-lovin'single females there out there?Your ex has issues that go to deep to figure out,so don't try, just cut and run.Learn from your mistakes

03fridge

Understand. I guess I misunderstood. I thought you meant that by her leaving her stuff here that that was a control issue. In fairness to her, she did tell me that she wasn't going to see anyone else until we/she decided what we were going to do about us.

Ok, how we came to the "your pushing" thing. During the month of Nov after she had moved out and was calling me all the time and having me come over and spend time, even spending some nights, and her coming over some nights and also spending the night, I asked the obvious question...does this mean we are over our break now and things will start working themselves out. She told me no, that is not what it means. That's when she started the "you're pushing me", and told me that she was starting to miss me until I started to push about spending time with her (but we were already spending time together), and told me to just let her have this break and everything will work out, but if I continue to push, she will realize that by leaving she made the right choice and will end up saying something neither one of us wants to hear. She told me that she knows it hard for me right now, but to understand that this is the only way to save our relationship. So after this conversation on Dec 1, we've only talked twice. Both times this week when she called to tell me her mother (lives in another city) was involved in an accident and broke her neck and might have to leave town to visit her. Then the next day when she called to tell me that she didn't leave town. The mother injury is a true story, because my sister-in-law happens to be a nurse at the hospital mom was taken to and she called to tell me also.

talaniman

She left her stuff at your place to keep you thinking she'd be back.It also keeps the ties between you like a dog leash, yes she is the master, your the mutt.You better obey your master and not see anyone else either else no more treats for you.Come over here and give me your paw boy,good dog.Don't push me bad dog,no treat tonight go home boy,good dog!Do you see where this is headed?You could be a real man and tell her its over and walk away and mean it yo know!

CaptainForest

What crankiebabie says is right on.

I would also like to add that by leaving her stuff at your place, that is her way of saying you two are still dating. Hence, it allows her to keep with her pattern, and that is still dating you while looking for other guys.

I think she does need some help from a therapist, however, like my Aunt, proablly will refuse to get it, which is sad.

one_life

OH NO, you're not serious about your girlfriend!!! Holy crap, if my girl told me half the things she said to you, I'd show her *** to the door that very minute, oh sorry make it that second.
I did not know there were people like that in this world. That girl needs some serious help Yo.
Don't feel sorry or regret anything thing by droping her fat ***. Do it before she rips your heart out. Trust me man, throw her **** out the door and tell her to fuuuck off. Do it now. Show her that you can't be taken for a ride.

We all got your back!!!