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Girlfriend was about to settle down with guy friend
Hi, i have a girlfriend whose 27 years old and i'm 26. I'm feeling uncomfortable with her being friends with a guy friend that she was considering settling down with before she met me.
I've talked to her about it and she says it's not fair for me to ask her to not be friends with her guy friend that she was thinking of settling down with because her claims he's a good friend and that's it.
She says their just friends and that she never felt anything for him but though about settling down with him cause she couldn't find anyone to settle down with that was nice to her so she though about him cause he treated her good. I know she felt feelings for him before cause i saw her flirting on myspace with this guy before she met me.
This guy friend lives in las vegas and my girlfriend and i went to las vegas with a bunch of her other friends. She said she didn't want all of us to met up with this guy friend of hers because it would have made me feel uncomfortable.
So the next week or so she goes to this batcheloret party in las vegas with her girlfriends and calls him and talks to him, which i was very upset about. She said she called him to ask him if he could get her and her friends into a club.
I don't know
She insists on having this guy as a friend and says that i'll be the reason for her losing a good friend.
She was about to settle down with this guy like just before she met me. She says i changed all that.
Can anyone help or give advice on this matter.
Am i wrong for feeling this way?
Should she still be friends with this guy and call him up?
Maybe in the future should she go hangout with him in vegas while i'm in california?
You don't have the right to tell your girlfriend who she can and can not be friends with!
Trust is what you need. It sounds like you don't trust her, if not, you should leave her. One of the most important ingredients in a relationship is trust.
You have to trust her and if not, leave her.
hun its not unusual to settle down with a friend,me and mybest [hes no longer with us]but we made a deal if we both hadn't found somebody to settle down with by the time we were 30 then we would settle down together we had never kissed,yeah we had slept in same bed but nothing ever happend we was best mates,i loved him with all my heart but only as a friend id ring him several times a day when we was apart n tex allday and he would the same if you had met us you would of thought we had been together years lol we was like a married couple but we wasnt attracted to eachother sexually anyway
you cant stop her from being friends with this fella or you are going to drive a wedge in between you both and she will hate you for making her choose but really what right do you have you've been together how long?
your not engadged ! that doesn't give you the right either
your not married ! and that still doesn't give you the right to tell her who not to be friends with
look she's with you if she wanted him she wouldn't have got with you she would have carried on with her plan to settle down with him wouldn't she??
and so what she calls him he's her friend she can call her friend i think your being paranoid about nothing and if you don't deal with your lack of trust and paranoia your going to let it destroy your relationship so deal with it now while you still have a relationship
I'm writing this based on my own experiences so it may not be 100% the same as what your girlfriend is thinking:
I currently have a FWB (friend with benefits) who is also a very close friend. The relationship is also somewhat romantic but it's complicated. I'm sure you get the gist of it, though. I also have an ex who was with me for a little over 2 years. We broke up on good terms and remain close friends. Neither of them hold negative feelings for each other or for me.
In your girlfriend's shoes, I would also be annoyed that you're stopping me from hanging out with someone who was once romantically close to me. Flirting does not necessarily mean that there were real feelings involved either. It's possible, but you need to look at more of her habits and general attitude to tell if the flirting hints at something deeper.
However, with that said, I'm not too sure about her refusal to have the two of you meet. It's possible that she honestly feels that you two wouldn't get along because it seems quite obvious you've made it clear to her that you feel this guy is competition. Of course, it's also possible that there are ulterior motives, but that's a no-brainer so I won't delve into that.
All I can really advise you is to loosen up a bit, loosen your grip on her. It's not as if you can really control her if she does decide to cheat on you. Plus, the fact that you're becoming more relaxed about your relationship shows that you're confident about your connection with her. If she honestly thinks that you're The One, she's not going to be stupid enough to ruin her future with you.
Once you show that you are confident, maybe she'd become more willing to introduce you to him. And when you do meet him, don't hold grudges with him either and be sincere unless you have real reason to.
Yeah, I think I can help. First off, women HATE insecure men. Although you may not be one, that is how she is perceiving you. Furthermore, you are basically telling her that this guy is better than you. By being worried and showing emotion (showing emotion is huge) you are scared that this guy will charm her right out of your arms. You see, we guys see things differently from women. I think this is the reason so many relationships fail. We (guys) need to start thinking like women sometimes when it comes to relationships. Of course you should be upset about her seeing this guy, but by you showing emotion (a sign of insecureness (if thats even a word)), your girlfriend is interpretting it as you being weak and this guy who probably is not even trying to get back with her, as being stronger. By complaining and worrying so much you are actually handing her over to this chum. Hard to believe? I know. Have you ever thought why they never ended up getting married and running into the sunset? I bet there was a huge problem there that made them split up. My honest interpretation of this is that she is curious. They haven't seen each other in a long time and because of this, this guy seems mysterious and fun (he lives in Vegas). Its our natural instinct as human beings to uncover/discover the unknown. That's all this guy is. Once she realizes what he is and reminds herself why they broke up, she'll get a hold of herself and she'll act the way you want her to act. So now the question remains, what should you do? If I were you I would encourage her to go out with this guy. Sounds crazy right? Let me tell you why. (1) You will come across as a confident man who is not ruffled by ANY other man. (2) If she cheats then you know she was never the one. (3) It'll make her wonder about you which is important because you want her thinking about you and not this other guy. Lets say she goes out with him one day. You should say "fine" and then tell her that you're also going out or that you have something to do too with the guys or something. This will show her that you will not sit home and think about what she's doing. It shows that you have a life and that she does not center around it. It kills me whenever I see men center their whole being around a woman. It should never be that way...even if you've been married for twenty, thirty, or forty years. The reason why she is doing what she's doing is because she knows that you'll be home worried sick about her. Jay Z says it best, "brush the dirt off your shoulder." Let her know that you will not be toyed with emotionally or psychologically. Remember, you are the man and if there's anyone that sheould be worried about the relationship it should be her. If for some reason he was ever to call her in your presence you should tell you're call to tell this guy that you said whats up and that you guys should have lunch or have a get together. Yet another opportunity to show her you either don't care or that your better than this loser. You see, all this sounds completely wrong but this is how women think. Trust me, you start acting all wussy, up-tight, insecure, nervous, jealous, etc. you're bound to lose her. And don't blame her either, she's just looking for a strong, confident, dependable, and yes, funny man to stand firm by her side. I can go on about this but I won't. If you have any questions please ask them after reading this.
Personally I'd just dump this chick, it sounds like they were more than friends before and he's hanging around to wait for you to be out of the picture.
If your not happy move on. Everyone will feel differently about this, it bothers you and this guy isnt going away.
right she was considering settling down with this friend he must have agreed to this so if she changed her mind and got with everafterlove then why would this guy hang around when he was dumped so this makes me think he is just afriend and nothing more
The wife and I have always introduced our friends to each other, and there is no reason to be jealous. Part of the problem may be not knowing this fellow, and that can lead to assumptions, that lead to insecurities, and careless demands, and resentments. If he is a friend, there should be no harm in an introduction. If not......................................!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!
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