Ok so I have been living with Pete for the last two months (since Isla was born) and the last two weeks have been difficult. Been arguing loads about alsorts of things - but he will never compromise, always expects me to go with what he wants and will never talk of us as a family. Its always about him. Never 'We' just 'I' and when I do back down and agree (only on certain things I feel reasonable to do so) he then gives me the whole "but thats not you - thats not what you want".

I have consequently moved back to my mums because I did not want isla in an arguing enviroment - its not right or fair.

Every time we have some space and then meet to talk he is very negative - always saying "Its not going to work, It's not going to work" "It's not what I want" - but then he will change his mind just afterwards - only to change his mind again and then again. Its been left that he does not how he feels about me so I said that I could not be left dangling on a thread like last time - I needed to go forth and get on with my life because Isla is more important and we are soon to be made homeless as my mums house in on the market and there is nothing the council can do until the house is sold and even then it would mean a hostell!!

I feel like I am back right where I started and really do not understnd where all this has come from with Pete!! I justr don't get it. Everything was fine up until a couple of weeks ago and things have just gone down hill.
Please help me!

Jesushelper76

Hi Holly,

I just want to say that you have a beautiful baby. That is the most important beautiful gift of all.

This is a very stressful time. Emotions running high, lots of different changes with a baby now.

I just am going to write a few things, I hope you do not mind. I have been wondering how you have been doing.

I am sure you will get lots and lots of help from others here.

As far as the I, I , and more I's sounds like there are too many I's and it should be more about you and your beautiful baby.

You can not really say that your back to where your at before. Before you did not have this little baby in your life. Now you do. It is a choice that you are thankful for and is such a wonderful gift.

Communication is key, if he does not want to communicate. I do not understand this. This is not a real men. Everybody goes through there good times and bad times but it sounds like he is not handling things well.

I am sure I know what Wildcat will know exactly what to say, and I have an idea what he would say.

There has been too much drama here and maybe you are better off to end that part of your life, with pete?

He has said he does not know how he feels for you? Well it is time to say enough is enough.

I personally think it is time to give him the boot. Once and for all.

Joe

rol

I would work on communication with him, tell him exactly what you are feeling using the when you...i feel...

AS JESUSHELPER says time to focus on you and your lovely little baby. Pete could also be a bit stressed being a father for the first time...maybe he does not know how to handle it. Maybe you are also stressed by all this and maybe seeing more negativity than is actually there..

DJ 'H'

I have tried to talk to him about how I feel - he just says we have too many differences and half the time my so called feelings are just a cop out, just an excuse! He has said he does not see things from my side of the fence nor understand where I am coming from. I have said this was never going to be easy and this is just a blip - but he seems to think its a major problem and is basing everything on the last two weeks.

I am concentrating on Isla and myself at ther mo which helps to take my mind off things, but I just want us to either be together or not together. He cant have it both ways.

He said he had loved having us both live with him - only to say after he loved us not living with him?!... He is just messing with my head again.

rol

What differences does he see exactly?
Maybe tell him what you appreciate in him and ask him what he appreciates in you and then talk about the differences..
try and sit down calmly with him and have a good talk.
Above all keep positive and happy with him(even if you have to do some strong acting!!)

Im sure the first few month or having a new baby must be quite difficult and stressful, and this could be part of the reason.

talaniman

If I can chime in maybe moving in with Pete was a little too soon for you both. I know you have concerns about where you will be living soon but you are technically just moving towards a working relationship with him concerning the raising of your child together. From your previous post sounds as though my man Pete need a lot of patients and time, which you have if you look at it, whats the hurry your already a family for the next 18 years at least. Go slow and work on solving one problem at a time and let the others go for now, so figure your priorities and go from there. Pete isn't going any where so he really isn't the problem now or the focus of your attention. He was an attractive solution to your problems but be realistic, Your communication skills are not there yet as they are overshadowed by too many other things now. Instead of the relationship between you ,try talking about where you and your child will live when this house gets sold. He may help with a nice apartment for now. Its not mandatory to live together at this point. Where is your mom moving and have you considered stau with her?

DJ 'H'

We tried to sit down clamly together last night and talk. It s because we have a difference of opinion of how to get where we want to be - its nothing major but he seems to think it is and will not discuss it because its either his way or no way. He has backed me into a xcorner. Almost as if he does not want us to work or be together so he is trying to make me end it so he does not have to!

Talliman the problem is he won't support in finding a p;ace for myself and Isla. This is the issue. I want to have my own place for a bit until we are in a position to move in and buy a place together - but he does not want me to do and won't have me do that is we are together. I either move in with him and his parents no matter how long that might be until we buy a place or we don't stay together.

rol

does he understand the reason why you want your own place for a while. Maybe he does not see the point and prefers you all staying at his parents to save money for the new place.
Does he understand the reason you want your own place for a while is because you want to go SLOW?

DJ 'H'

He understands perfectly. Her said he wanted to be sure we were going to work out. So I suggested I get my own place for that reason - but also it gave me security. Isla and I would have somewhere to live whether we worked out or not. I said to him what if we don't work out bitliving at your parents??? Where do I go then?? and what would I do?

rol

ok i see.

hmm dunno...all I can suggest is to perhaps just take each day as it comes without worrying if it is going to work out or not...today is a gift ,thats why they call it the present...keep that in mind. In the worst case scenario if it does not work out he will have to pay his share of support, but perhaps deal with that if the time comes and dont worry about it for now.