He wants to give up.

ChaoticKelsey · #1 Oct 30, 2007, 02:15 PM

My boyfriend is bipolar.
We've been dating for quite a while now, and I love him so dearly.
But we're very different, especially in how we grew up. For me, my dad worked very hard at his dream and I spent the first small chunk of my life in a cramped apartment, and the next few parts moving around the US as people started getting interested in his talent. We now live in a small mansion, and we're wealthy enough that my college is completely paid for, and I get to have huge parties every year at our house.
The other thing, I'm in a lot of AP classes, section leader and drum captain, almost always have a lead role in whatever play I'm doing, and "an art progidy", or so my art teacher says.
His life was almost polar opposite.
When his parents were married, they both had wonderful jobs and they spend summers in Cancun and the Carribean. They had a large house, and were constantly having parties. When they divorced, his dad was diagnosed with bipolar syndrome, and his mother with chronic depression. His dad beat him, his mother took up smoking and withdrew. Both lost their jobs, and were forced to move out of their house, still struggling to keep food and clothes in the picture.
Lately he's been sitting at the bottom of the well--rock bottom--and just wanting to give up. He's failing science [like most people who're taking science with that teacher are] and feeling considerably alone.
I try my best to be patient and understand, but nothing seems to be working. I want to help him study, get him back on his feet and impress people to get the feeling of accomplishment he needs, but nothing seems to be helping.
He's never hit me or yelled at me-- in fact, he thinks everything is his fault.
Help!

peggyhill · Oct 30, 2007, 03:03 PM

It sounds like your boyfriend is dealing with major depression. And no wonder, with all the hardships in his life. It must have been very hard for him to watch his parents lose their finances, house, etc. It's probably hard for him to see your parents living together, being successful, and having money. It most likely makes him regret the choices his folks made and I'm sure he wishes his life was more stable like yours. You should encourage your boyfriend to talk to a counselor, favorite teacher, or another adult he feels comfortable with about his feelings. I think counseling, and, if appropriate, perhaps some medication will help him with his depression. You could also talk to your parents and maybe they can give him some good advice. If he talks to someone else, it will help him feel like he has a good support system. I can tell you care a lot about him, and I'm sure he knows that. Sometimes, it's good to have a professional person to talk to about our feelings. They can help determine what kind of depression it is and the best way to treat it. If he doesn't want to talk to anyone, perhaps you could take the initiative and have a talk with his mom about this. If money is an issue right now, there are a lot of free programs/financial assistance for kids with depression. If he asks for help, help will be there. Counseling is a good idea anyway considering his dad's physical abuse. I think it will help get him back on track and feeling good again. A school counselor or nurse will also be able to give you some more info on depression. The school nurse might be a good person for him to start talking to about this. I hope this helps!

Homegirl 50 · Oct 30, 2007, 04:06 PM

Your boy friend has problems that you cannot help with other than be his friend. I don't think he needs a gf, but a friend.
I don't mean to sound cruel, but this relationship is classic drama in the making. You guys come from different backgrounds and he has mental and family issues. Think long and hard about what you are getting into.

statictable · Oct 30, 2007, 05:00 PM

Get him back to his doctor who may have to modify his meds.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 30, 2007, 05:04 PM

As much as you care for him, he is not your responsibility. Talk to his mother about his behavior, she needs to know and get him back to his doctor. You have an education to get.



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