I know that I should forget him, I know I should move on and get on with my life. I am confident girl and I know that sooner or later I will meet someone who I may fall in love with again..........but each time I see him and talk to him, I just dont want to do it, I cant.....

Last night we had a student party and I knew he was going to be there. I could have missed and didn't go, but I wanted to see him at least once more, before he leaves for good from this town, he is finishing uni now and going back to South of England. I had a great night, was se-rounded but loads of nice and friendly friends, I have heard loads of good complements regarding myself and I know I have loads of admires, but as soon is Rob there, I dont really need any of it...........He has really good friends and all of his girlfriends are really friendly towards me and last night one of them, said that when they leave she want to stay in touch with me and that all think Im really nice girl. They wanted to me my friend and invited me to parties, but I didn't g there most of all because I knew he is there. Last night his mate come up to me and started a chat, I feel like he had a crash on me long time ago, but I cant even think of it, I would never go out with any of Rob's friends, because its unfair on him and Rob is there only one I will ever love form their company. His mate took me to their company, I wanted to speak with john for a bit, but end up talking to Rob, because he saw me and when I said hi, he was straight by my side talking to me..........I think john can feel that there is no chance there and Im glad about it. We had the most friendly chat with Rob, talked about our last news, he was asking me loads of questions, I was answering. Inside I was trying to kill every possible feeling of attraction to him, but I just couldn't, every-time I touched his nee by accident I wanted to run away. He is the most nice guy I have ever met and Im still in love with him........I know it. I dont know if he knows it now, because when Im around him, I usually have a big smile on my face and look very happy, but I dont want him to know it
and I know if he wanted it too, he would have been back in touch with me long time ago......very long time........

I feel bad talking to him, because I every-time I see him all my feelings come back, but I know it will be awkward not talking to him too, because he is a nice bloke and although he split up with me, at least I know he was honest about his feelings with me and that means he didn't want to heart me and I know now he wouldn't. I want to be upset with him, but I cant...........his smile wont let me do that. Its hard to forget someone who is such a nice person........really hard;( You probably think I am sad person if I still do it and I cant move on, but Its really hard to explain when it was your first love and you only learn how to deal with it. Sometimes I wish I could erase him out of my memory, but sadly his is in the history of my life and how I wanted it or not but he still be there. I am glad that I have a heart and I can love, I am proud about it and I am able to let someone in my heart......its great feeling. Its amazing! Its just so far he is still there and each guy that comes up to me, for some reason isn't good enough for me and I am scared to let him in. Its weird, but maybe I love the idea of being in love with my ex? I dont want to.........I know he isn't coming back, I know since he go that will be it, but I cant help it................