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    He says he needs time and space

    Asked Sep 26, 2006, 07:49 AM 69 Answers
    I am a single mom of 3 small kids. I have been seeing this guy (whose 27 I am 32)that works with me for about 3 months. Everything was going great we saw each other everyday now all of a sudden he says he needs time and space. Doesn't want me calling him or anything I am not sure what is going on. I am trying to give him space but at the same time I am not understanding what is going on. Someone please help me understand. Does he have someone else or what. What does it really mean when a guy tells you they need space??

    Last edited by dancingtwins; Sep 26, 2006 at 08:13 AM.
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    dancingtwins's Avatar
    dancingtwins Posts: 54, Reputation: 10
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    #21

    Sep 26, 2006, 12:49 PM
    One of the things he said to me was absences makes the heart grow fonder! So I guess he is wanting to see if his heart grows fonder. I have a feeling there may be someone else should I try to catch him..
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    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,583, Reputation: 435
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    #22

    Sep 26, 2006, 02:03 PM
    That's what we're trying to tell you!! Ok?

    Don't WORRY about someoen else - there is also someone else until you are exclusive... after 3 months, in a HEALTHY relationship, you shouldn't be exclusive.

    I think maybe you should date others as well - gives you a strong perspective on thngs.
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    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,473, Reputation: 759
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    #23

    Sep 26, 2006, 07:23 PM
    Don't knock yourself out trying to figure out what's really going on. There's no way for anyone to really know. He himself might not even be sure. He may tell you one thing but subconsciously he may be thinking something totally different. The best thing to do is to give him the space he says he needs. Break off all contact for now, save for what may be necessary for business. Get on with your life and be able to enjoy it just as much without him as with him. Let him miss you. He may eventually start to chase you again. If he doesn't you'll have lost nothing and will have had the pleasure of knowing him while it lasted.
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    chuff's Avatar
    chuff Posts: 3,397, Reputation: 1235
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    #24

    Sep 26, 2006, 09:07 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by dancingtwins
    One of the things he said to me was absences makes the heart grow fonder! So I guess he is wanting to see if his heart grows fonder. I have a feeling there may be someone else should I try to catch him..
    Catch him doing what? Dating another woman when he has no ties to you?

    Dancingtwins, I'm an emotional person so I know this stuff can really hurt but from what your posting you're the one pushing him away. I'd be pulling away if I was him. You've got yourself and 3 children to worry about that's 4 people total who should be occupying your time and energy. To me that's almost a good thing because it provides you, or should provide you with some focus and activity in your life. It sounds like he's been pretty fair by telling you that he needs time and space and said that maybe in the future you can get back together but that's a maybe and maybe's should always be considered never.

    You've got to quit holding onto hope and tell yourself it's over.
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    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 61,894, Reputation: 5755
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    #25

    Sep 27, 2006, 05:15 AM


    Ok, I'm going to get harsh here. You came here asking for advice. Did you really want advice or did you hope someone will give you support by telling you to do what you want to do?

    You have gotten very good and unanimous advice. LISTEN TO IT!!! FOLLOW IT!!! Give him the space and move on with your life.

    Stop asking if you should do what everyone has told you NOT to do.
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    kp2171's Avatar
    kp2171 Posts: 5,321, Reputation: 1612
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    #26

    Sep 27, 2006, 06:47 AM
    I wouldn't waste my time trying to catch him.

    If he's honest, you're wasting your time.

    If there's another woman and he just doesn't know what to do... well, shouldn't he have that time to figure it out? You, in the meantime do not have to wait for him, but I guess id rather he get another person out of his mind first. You are not engaged. You are not married. You are trying each to determine compatibility. Let him go his way.

    Spending a lot of energy trying to catch him doing anything is just a distraction... not to mention a new trust issue.

    As I said in my earlier post, I did some of the same things this guy did, for very "valid" reasons, no other woman involved, when I dated the woman who would become my wife. If I felt she were trying to track me down in a lie or she were obsessing over me, I'm not sure I wouldve been drawn back to her. And, at least in my case, it wasn't that I had lessened feelings for her. I just needed a little time to wrap my mind around everything I mentioned before.

    Luckily for me, my wife was willing to wait a little while.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 47,095, Reputation: 10293
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    #27

    Sep 27, 2006, 08:32 AM


    Please stay out of his business and move forward with your own life.
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    dancingtwins's Avatar
    dancingtwins Posts: 54, Reputation: 10
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    #28

    Sep 27, 2006, 08:56 AM
    He just emailed me he wants to have lunch so that we can talk
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    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,583, Reputation: 435
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    #29

    Sep 27, 2006, 09:17 AM
    Hmmmmm - say your busy - maybe tomrrow. Don't be on his call and rush to him. Seriously - he hurt you a little. Be different.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 47,095, Reputation: 10293
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    #30

    Sep 27, 2006, 09:30 AM


    If you have something else to do,do it.
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