After 4 years my boyfriend and I split up. He says he loves me but he is not in love with me, it is hard obviously as is trying to act differently towards me ie showing no emotion in emails etc. What should I do, should I just leave him alone? what are the chances that he will come round? He is the type who didn't talk about things but just let things build up in his own head, when things could have been sorted out.

Krs

Hi Wap and welcome to AMHD.

Im sorry to hear how upset and hurt you are

I cannot tell you wat the chances are whether he will come round or not.

What i do suggest is keep your distance.
You have to learn how deal with this now and learn to cope for yourself.
If you stay close with him and recv emails etc, you may start to read it the wrong way and get even more hurt.

Stay away and start re-building your own life to suit you

wap

thanks so much, I know he is not the type to mess anyone around as that happened to him. He had just said that we he thought he was doing the right things for both of us. I believe he is still hurting but men try not to show it. He was crying when he told me as well.

Krs

mmmm strange....

do u think there could be a chance that maybe he did mess about and is feeling SO SO guilty that broke it off, and probably assumed that he cant be in love with you coz he has done something so bad?

If you think thats not the case, why not suggest concelling together?

wap

no I really don't think so. He is quite shy when it comes to girls although he is actually quite a loud person. He has also addressed some other things in his life like his debt etc all at the same time.

Krs

Well we all have debt its part of life...

What were his reasons for leaving you?
As i dont think someone can fall out of love so suddenly.

wap

we are different ie he is loud and I am quiet, but he knows he has to start growing up as he acts 18 but is actually in his 30's!

he is doing it now as he thinks it will hurt more further down the line - weird to think ahead

Krs

something smells fishy to me

he must have been feeling this comin already!

wap

he said that he has been feeling that for a while

Wildcat21

I knowa lot about getting them back - but people always screw it up and get weak and blow. There are set designed steps you must take. He ythey liked you once.

Then only way you could/should go back is if there is no abuse, cheating, heavy drinking, drugs, lying....both have to be pretty stable - careers etc.

Step one is to END ALL contact for at least 2 months - 3 is BETTER - no calls, no text, no e-mail - NO RETURNING any calls e-mails and text - none. He needs to remeber what he had - he needs to MISS YOU.

No begging, no asking, no nothing.

It's hard - and Wildcat has even had trouble with it.

If you are WILLING to do step one.....I can continue with the rest....