I'm wondering if you kind people could help me, I'm in a big dilemma. My ex boyfriend lies about everything from where he has been to who he is with.
Basically, we split up 2 years ago and since then he has been wanting to get together but then I find out about his lies, he asked me to get back together in October last year and then I found out he had a long distance gf. He told me he was going on a trip and it turned out to be visit her, needless to say I was gutted.
In May he asked to get back together again, i then found out he was asking this girl (lets call her Jane) to go on holiday with him, when i asked him he said it was true but they were just mates then a couple of weeks later I found out they slept together. He told me he was drunk and it was a mistake, that it was me he loved etc etc.
He has text me recently saying that he loves me and that he wants us to be together, I asked if he was with Jane and he said no. I then found out that he is seeing the girl I thought he was !!!!! I found out as her facebook account says shes in a relationship with him.
He just lies to me all the time, asking me to get back together but at the same time being in a relationship. He knows that I love him, this is tearing me apart. What should I do?
So far he has been right hasn't he? Stop answering his texts, what part of that do you not understand? Thats not NO Contact your doing, your just being manipulated and lied to yet again. Read this post, http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...?=#post2039716
Its time to put your foot down, and stop accepting this kind of behavior for yourself. Do the work required by NC, and leave the jerk alone and let him pay the consequences of his actions, not you. Keep this selfish fiend out of your life as he sure isn't showing you love or respect, so deserves none from you.
Whats worse is the real victim is your new partner, who is being deprived of a real chance at happiness because your more concerned with an idiot, than yourself, or him. How sick is that?
thanks Talaniman, you are so right, i do love him and MAYBE he loves me? but there is no trust there and he treats me like s$%t when he does come back into my life. Im just so scared that he is going to do something silly though, I understand that I have no control over what he does but he says that ITS BECAUSE OF ME that he carves my name into his skin. That makes me feel very guily and low
I understand, but your looking at this thru pure emotions, and not seeing the facts of the matter.
He doesn't love you, but you wanted him too. His actions are not those of love, but desperation. Thats really twisted, and he is twisting you to be like him.
Now don't make me call you names that you don't want to hear. But its as frustrating for us to go thru this with you, and we do care and want you happy, and emotionally healthy.
If you just do the NC, things would get better over time, and we would all be happy.
I understand, but your looking at this thru pure emotions, and not seeing the facts of the matter.
He doesn't love you, but you wanted him too. His actions are not those of love, but desperation. Thats really twisted, and he is twisting you to be like him.
Now don't make me call you names that you don't want to hear. But its as frustrating for us to go thru this with you, and we do care and want you happy, and emotionally healthy.
If you just do the NC, things would get better over time, and we would all be happy.
no please dont call me names as i really couldnt take that right now lol !!! ive dropped him a text to let him know that my phone is gpoing off and now that im gone out of his life that i hope he stops cutting himself. I do need to concentrate on me and my partner but its so hard. I understand that you probably hear lots of stories like mine (i did read the link you sent me on the last page, thank you) but I dont know anyone else who is/has gone through this self harming issue with an ex before?
I want to move on and it hurts me to read above when you stated that he dont love me, but your probably correct, he says he would die for me etc etc and that im his one true love and that he can never be with anyone else as he would never love them like he loves me but thats all a lie probably.
I just dont know how to move on and forget about someone that it backmailing me with self harming?
Its more common than you think, and sadly a lot of young people are doing it. There are many such stories like yours in the TEEN section of this forum.
Its always about control, not love. Its the sign of a sick, twisted mind, that needs help, professional help.
i thought he may love me, he tells me often enough but then his words or actions dont match up, i think your right when you say its about control, he wants to control me and because i wont be with him he hurts himself to get attention i think. Dont get me wrong im no expert on the matter.
Ive just found out that a close family member has got terminal cancer so im finding things a lot harder to deal with a the minute, ive not told me ex about this as he only cares about himself and his life. He dont think that there canbe anything wrong in anybody elses life apart from his.
Loise,
I just read your first few posts and the last few. At the beginning, you asked "why" he lies and here at the end you are wondering whether he loves you. I can tell you that in both cases it does not matter.
It is not your job to figure how why he lies, why he cuts himself, whether he really loves you, and the many other questions his behavior raises. He is an unsuitable partner and it would be a mistake for you to spend the rest of your life with him or even several years (during which you have children and must then, finally and blessedly, divorce). He is not your burden to bear and the details of his psychology are not your problem. Every time you start to wonder why he did or said something, stop yourself and remind yourself it doesn't matter and think about something more pleasant.
im going NC again, im just going to have to concentrate on me for a bit rather than spend my time wondering whether he is dead in a ditch as awful as that sounds.
thanks you all for your words of advice , lets hope i can stick to it, im sure ive got the will power to not let him ruin my life like he is currently doing
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