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what should i do? i'm 5'1 weighs 120lbs. i admit im chubby but i don't think im fat. my boyfriend met me at this weight.. i have been dating him for about a year now. for the past few months i've heard him say "jokingly" about my love handles, stomach, and my double chin. i usually ignore him since he assures me that he still loves me. Recently though, he bought me a christmas present and gave it to me earlier to try on to make sure it fits. well he bought it in a size small and it was too small for me. then he says "why are you so fat?, now i have to exchange it?" I must admit that really hurt my feelings and just didn't know what to say after that. He then realized what he did and was very apologetic and reassured me that once again he was only joking. So I let it go. I few days later, we had a christmas party at work and he called right after lunch. I then went on and told him that we had so much food. Then once again he says " dont forget to go on a diet". This made me think, if he's really trying to tell him to lose some weight. So that night, i talked him and asked him what his expectations are from me and if he believes that I need to lose weight. Hoping he'd say no but instead he said "yes..i guess so" alll this time I'm happy with myself, comfortable but after this I felt so insecure. This is all I can think about. people say he needs to accept me the way I am and if not..its time to let go...but i dont want to yet..*sigh* is this enough reason to let go of everything?? please help.
if you want to be with him you need to tell him how you feel about it!!! I have a friend whos x bf told her how stupid she was all the time... she didn't deserve that, she's not stupid... no one deserves it in fact!
so, seeing as it really does bother you quite a bit you should tell him and if he doesn't stop.. you should probably leave.
(you could say something like: IT really bothers me when you tell me i'm fat.... and if you don't stop, i don't think i can be with you....)
i'm dead serious on this. b\c isn't a relationship suppose to be a good thing in your life? i mean sure you can have fights and arguments, but when the other person continuously tells you stuff that hurts your feelings, or when he\she brings up subjects he\she knows bothers you.... what is it good for?
what on earth can your bf gain by making 'jokes' on your expense like this?
Well u should tell him if he wants a thin girl, go out and find one, coz ur comfortable with yourself and if he doesn't like what he sees, then he is not forced to stay, but you are happy with yourself
this guy is a passive aggressive jerk. hes an ar$e.
seriously.
look... i dont think you need to accept all things in all relationships when you are looking at a partner.
while i place physical health way up there on a list of priorities... not just because i like how i look when fit, but because i think i owe it to myself, my wife, and my son to be as physically healthy as i can be... still, i dont think what he is doing is right.
he is playing on your emotions, controlling you, and finding a way to make you feel less than worthy.
screw that. if you were my sister id put him through a wall and then tell him "you should lose some weight... a skinnier guy wouldnt have gone through it"...
look... there are a lot of people here who write in "im with a great guy BUT..."
the truth is there are a lot of people who are good in some ways, but wrong in enough ways that they are wrong for you. this guy... just rubs me the wrong way. he is being passive about how he controls your emotions, your wanting validation (we all do), and he sounds weak... so he tears you down.
there are times when its appropriate to tell your partner "i wish youd be more active... or you really do need to lose some weight to be healthy"... if i have a family history of diabetes and heart disease and im not active, telling me that makes sense.
but here... hes grumping because you arent some "ideal" figure and form that meets his quota. mkay. idiot.
please kick his sorry arse to the curb. its no fun breaking up. its no fun being alone for a time after. but its better to put the trash out than to live with it stinking up your life.
he isnt being kind. he isnt being nice. you deserve better than that, and without him is better than that.
Thank you for all your responses. I did talk to him last night and told him that he hurt my feelings. All his response was .."WHY? I don't see anything wrong with what I said. I'm just trying to help you look better?" WOW that really pissed me off. I said to him I can understand if i'm not healthy but I am why is he trying to change me? He's not even that fit himself and i have no complaints. I love him just the way he is. *uGh* I hate break ups. I don't know if I can do it.
Yes you can do it. There is a wonderful man out there who will treat you right. He will not call you names or make fun of you. While you COULD start criticizing your current boyfriend with things like "why don't you lift weights, your arms are scrawny" or something like that to try to make him understand how his words make you feel that would be lowering yourself to his level. He clearly doesn't care about your feelings. Breaking up is hard to do but by staying with him you are missing out on an opportunity with someone wonderful. Stop selling yourself short and get out there and find the right guy for you. This relationship taught you that you don't appreciate a guy who tries to tear you down. Use that information to help yourself choose a better match next time.
Ber
First off, the very first time he said "how come you're so fat"...I would have spun on my heels and said....how come you're so stupid!" "I can lose weight if "I" choose, but "stupid" is an incurable disease!!!"
At 5'1', 120lbs is NOT fat! This is YOUR body, not HIS. You are NOT an object, you are a person who deserves to be treated with respect! If he loved you, he would not ask you to change for HIM! That isn't love, that is CONTROL, no matter how you look at it.
If it bothered him that much, he could have been diplomatic about it and said something more along the lines of..."Honey, I think I've put on a few lbs. and have thinking that I should take them off. I don't know if I can do it on my own. Do you think we could go on a diet together, so I have a diet partner?" Then say you asked..."do you think I need to diet?"....He could've said...I just want both of us to be healthy, and I want to spend as many yrs. as I can, being healthy with you" Now that would have been the kind and respectful way to put it. Not....Why are you so fat?
If he says things like this now, and doesn't feel like there is a thing wrong with what he said, how do you think he is going to handle other things with you? What do you think would happen if you were to get married and pregnant? I can see what would happen, and it would destroy your self esteem.
This is the beginning stages of a lifetime of abuse if you stay with him. This is a text book case of how they start out! First it's your weight, then it's how stupid you are, then it's how you dress like a slut, etc. It gets worse from there, until you've got no semblance of self confidence or respect left in you, because they condition you to start believing them.
My ex started out after about a yr. together telling me I was fat, and asking me dress differently. Guess where that landed me many yrs later? In the hospital with a bunch of broken bones, that's where! He started out very passive aggressive too, but he sure didn't stay very passive.
Get out now while your self esteem is still intact, or you are looking at years of misery with this abusive man.
Thank you for all your responses. I did talk to him last night and told him that he hurt my feelings. All his response was .."WHY? I don't see anything wrong with what I said. I'm just trying to help you look better?" WOW that really pissed me off. I said to him I can understand if i'm not healthy but I am why is he trying to change me? He's not even that fit himself and i have no complaints. I love him just the way he is. *uGh* I hate break ups. I don't know if I can do it.
I also wanted to point out one other thing that caught my eye. In your username, you are already indentifying yourself, as the way he sees you. That is how it starts out. You don't think you're fat, but I can see that you are already starting to wonder if he is right! End it there, because sooner or later, instead of "fatsohesays", it will be shortened in your mind to "fatso." Don't let him or anyone do that to you!
Another key thing. You love him just the way he is. He doesn't feel the same! Think of it this way. Say you had a girlfriend that wasn't in the greatest shape herself. Everytime you met for lunch, or went shopping, she told you that you were fat! Would you keep her as a friend?
I bet you are stronger than you think you are. You CAN and need to leave him. It WILL get worse.
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