My boyfriend and i have been together for 9 months. Weve been through a lot of hard times, and hes still wanted to be with me through everything, and I him. Although at times it got hard.
This summer has been really good, we did a lot of things together and were loving and all.
About two weeks ago he started to become distant out of nowhere. Literally, that morning everything was fine, then when we both got out of work he was different. We got into a little argument and thats where everything started. The next day he didnt talk to me or see me after the arguement. The following day after that i met up with him to ask what was going on, he just didnt want to see me. Then later in the day told me to come over after work. He didnt really even talk to me while i was there. By the end of that week things were looking better, he was almost back to himself, except when we were together, it seemed like he purposely wasnt kissing me goodnight and calling before bed. it bothered me a little but i just let it go and figured that he would eventually come back to normal.
when i would come by, he would jokingly always say, what are you doing here? go home. it was clearly joking, he was having a good time with me while i was there, i could tell. but still not kiss goodnight at the end of the night, or after lunch before him heading to work. and no usual phone calls during his breaks.
a couple nights ago we got into another arguement, over something small. but he dragged into the next day, and got worse. on our way to the mall i was in tears telling him that hes being so terrible right now and why why are you being so terrible? in the midst of my yelling, he said, "i think we should take a break". i said i didnt want to, and he said he does. it still got worse because i dont want this, you know? and it progressed to him saying, "thats it, were done! we need time apart".
we split up for a few hours, and had plans to get together for a friends birthday that night.
he eventually called later in the night and said we had to talk.
he said to me, "look, im not ready for a relationship right now, i have too much stuff going on in my life". i asked, like what? and he said, "like..a lot of stuff im not going to get into it. but i just really dont want to be in a relationship right now".
a couple weeks before all of this happened, we were sitting in his car and he said to me after i had asked a question about how he could be so cold twards something he said to me that he jumped right into our relationship out from another. he can be mean to me or treat me badly because he was unhappy with her and treated her badly, and jumped right into one with me. and so it feels like he never left. he said if he had taken 6 months or so to go out, have fun and stuff, and then got with me things might have been different.
and i have said this to him before about certain situations, and i would see him nod his head like he took that advice into consideration, but he never acted on it, or seemed like he needed to act on that.
so my immediate thought was of fear after he said this to me about not wanting to be in a relationship, i thought he wanted to go out and have freedom. so i asked if he wanted to see other people, as in go on dates and date other people, and he said hes not going to be dating anyone else. so then i got really scared and i was like, so what are you just going to be randomly having sex with other people? and he hesitated and was like, ehh...if i want to yes.
that killed me i told him that i wouldnt be okay with him doing that, and he said that "its not like im going to know about it, i dont know".
i asked if he still has feelings for me, and he said, "i do".
i asked if we were still going to talk, hang out, see each other etc. and he said, "yeah...but as friends, and its not going to be an everyday thing."
i feel so sad. i dont really understand, and i dont know whats going to happen, i dont want to just be friends, you know? i love him and i want to be in a relationship. and whatever time were not spending together hurts. i miss him so much. and i dont know what to do. i really cant deal with it if he does go and do that with random people, it would kill me.
please give me some advice. i just wish me and him were together right now.
it sounds like he has tried to tell you its over and you just would not accept it..
this is over.
as hard as it is for you to accept it,he wants his freedom,and to give him his due,realised he jumped from one relationship into another..you were the rebound.
start no contact,it will be hard,but its the quickest route to heal and get over him.
dont pester him with calls,he does not want to know,and it makes you needy..
gather up your friends and read the stickies on no contact at the start of the thread.
I agree with red. You almost sound like you were some rebound, or someone to get back at his ex with. He gave you the signs he wanted out. He showed the distance and lack of interest. If he is openly telling you he wants to go out and have sex with random girls then so be it. Let him go. What kind of respect is this showing you or the random girls. Basically he sounds young, not ready to settle down and just wants a good time right now. I think its best you dont hang out as friends. This will only drag on your pain.
I understand why you guys think that. i thought it too, but i asked him wayyy in the begining.
hes had a crush on me since highschool, he would send me several emails and stuff trying to get together for coffee throughout the years. even while he was with her, but twards the end of the relationship he was in before. he told me the last 6 months of their relationship was a nightmare.
basically he was ready to move on when he got with me, he just never got his freedom.
and yes, he said that to me, but then at the end of the conversation was being flirty, kissed me goodnight, and that weekend we went to the beach, out to dinner, to a carnival, we had a great weekend, holding each other. he didnt show any other signs other than him voicing that, and then he seemed to be over it.
and hes done this in the past where he separated himself from me, and kind of took his space, but every time hes done this it was over something he was selfishly mad at that was something small and stupid, and he would get over it. i thought that him being distant like this was him doing that again. i thought he was just going to get over it.
and after he said all of that about taking the 6 months and all, i said to him that maybe we should do something about it so that it doesnt feel like youve never left the relationship, like maybe change something, like maybe me and him should see each other less. and he said that that wasnt what he wanted.
when he came to and said all of this about not wanting to be in a relationship, i asked how long he felt this way, and he said a couple weeks.
we just came back from a vacation on august 24th. and the next two weeks were fine.
i dont really understand how this randomly came up one day for him.
This is what you need to do walk away for your own sake.Let him sort himself out ,step away from the heartbreak and work on becoming the person you can be strong and selfsufficient.Confusion only breeds confusion.
Maybe he already met someone. Maybe thats why it was so sudden. Leave him to his decision and move on. He doesnt sound ready for a relationship yet. Fighting to keep it will only prolong your hurt.
It sounds very clear that he is done with you for some reason. You need to move on, and leave him alone. Why do you want to be with someone who does not appreciate you? You had good 9 month with him, and now it is time for you to set him free who is asking for freedom so loudly. It hurts, but it is much better than wasting your life with the mean person for already dead relationship. Move on, and focus on loving yourself please.
Its you who must accept that the romance is over, and cut him from your life, so you can heal, and see reality. He is just using your feelings to keep you around, as a friend(?)
Your stuck but he is free to pursue other options and opportunities, and still have you to hang out with.
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