don't know how to feel right now....my boyfriend of a year and a half just broke up with me. i expected myself to cry to be devastated but for some reason I don't feel anything right now.here is our story...
we've been together for quite some time now and have gone through a lot. recently, i have been quite busy with family. i went on a vacation last weekend out of country and wasn't able to spend that weekend with him. on top of that his work schedule changed and left us with no time for each other during the week. i work 8-5 and he works 3-11pm. then this coming weekend, he's going out of state with friends. So tomorrow, he decided to take a day off so we can spend time together but he knew i was already invited out for dinner with my old coworkers. He expected me to cancel my plans for him. See, it's not that I don't want to spend time with him because I do but I just dont think it was fair of him to take a day off and make me choose. I told him i'll compromise and he wouldn't listen. He'll say stuff "you don't care about me, you care more about your friends more than me. etc". I hate the guilt feeling.. And now..he says he doesn't care anymore. He doesn't feel anything. He doesn't even know if he still wants to be with me. He said that he's never been treated this way by any of his ex gf's. They always choose him first. Also, when I said to him "why do you have to make choose? it's not fair"..he responded "wow, you have to think twice who you'll choose, you shouldnt even need to choose". I am so confuse right now. Am I not suppose to choose? Is he supposedly the one I should choose automatically because I love him? I thought I shouldn't have to. I guess I just expected him to understand. I don't know. He's being cold to me. I don't like how he's treating me right now and for him to break up with me over this is really immature. I asked him why do we have to break up? i thought we have something serious going but I guess I was wrong. He says my actions doesn't show enough that I love him. All he wants is to spend time with me but he says I can't give it to him. So he says he won't tolerate it and deserves better. that was it..its over.
I am still trying to understand everything. How can it be over just like that? It's not like I don't love him or don't care about him. I guess Ive become too comfortable that he will always be there and understand. Sometimes, I just want to do something else with other people and not him all the time. Is that wrong? Maybe this is a good thing that we broke up. I don't know. Im not feeling the pain yet.
Any comments?? advise?? suggestions?? is greatly appreciated. Thank you!
please help me understand this situation. anything will help. thank you.
You are right, absolutely. This just happened to me but I acted like your boyfriend in this situation. I regret it so bad and I wish I could have seen things the way they were at the time. He should know that you love him still even though you have your own life, and it doesn't always involve him. Wow, I wish I could tell him the outcome of the situation if he keeps it up....
the pain will hit when you least expect it.. keep yourself busy.. but allow time by yourself so you can slowly digest what happened. you don't want to ignore it completly but you also don't want it to bring you to the depths of dispare..
The true test of whether or not you're done with him is when the lonelyness sets in..you will either run to him, or you'll be strong and resist..
I suggest you write in a journal as to why you can't be with him.. and when you get those lonely pangs go to the journal and re-read why he's not right for you..that will hopefully keep you away from him
my first night without talking to him went pretty okay...i still don't feel any pain..but i admit i did think of calling him. what bothers me most is getting used to do the"usual" daily things without him. I know its just my first day of "NC" (i learned that from here ^_^) but the routine of talking to each other on the phone on my way home from work, before falling asleep, waking up in the morning, talking going to work and during lunch - those are the times when I just want to pick up my phone and call. Well, from yesterday..the on my way home from work, before falling asleep and today on my way to work..i've survived. I DID NOT call. i know I'm doing pretty good right now. I just hope that when the pain hits i'll be able to stand and make the right decision.
debdoes - i appreciate you posting that you were on the other side in this situation. it gives me hope that my ex will learn something from this and will make him a better man someday even if its not with me.
if you don't mind me asking - how long did it take you to realize your own actions?
Yeah, like I said before. I am not sure if people hurt more from adjusting to not having someone in their life who has been apart of it for so long, or hurt because they truly loved the person. It is a very gray area in the middle. I think the lonliness hurt me more to be honest. You have to break a routine, that for me was five years long, and that is something that isn't easy to do. Just keep posting on here. There are some individuals (ISneezeFunny) that actually kept a daily or weekly log on here of their NC progression. It is cool to read.
the pain will hit when you least expect it.. keep yourself busy.. but allow time by yourself so you can slowly digest what happened. you don't want to ignore it completly but you also don't want it to bring you to the depths of dispare..
The true test of whether or not you're done with him is when the lonelyness sets in..you will either run to him, or you'll be strong and resist..
I suggest you write in a journal as to why you can't be with him.. and when you get those lonely pangs go to the journal and re-read why he's not right for you..that will hopefully keep you away from him
I just want the pain to hit now or at least feel some sort of pain so it won't be so hard later. *Sigh* I hate break ups. I just hope i'll be strong enough to make the right decision when the true test comes along.
That's definitely something to look forward Sometimes it makes me think if its so much better to just not get into any kind of relationship so I dont have to deal with any of this. Hmm. just a thought.
NOOOO!!! It is better to develop a loving relationship with yourself first, especially after a break up. Finding happiness with other people is a constant development, but once you find happiness with yourself...well, that lasts forever.
The constant development will always be there with other people but does it have to be a "significant other" or can it be from friends, family, coworkers..etc? Would it be the same? or Would be enough to grow?
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