I am a little confused right now, I have been talking to a guy for a month now mostly over the phone, we had only seen each other once. We were trying to get to know each other and decided to go on a date last saturday. I believe that the date went really well, his compliments were endless and we both were very interested and attracted to each other. We decided to make a second date for tuesday, but I havent heard from him since saturday. I dont know what to make of that. He told me to call him to make sure that i got home ok ( i had to drive 2 hours to go see him) but he didnt answer then either, he was having a celebration with his friends for his promotion, so he was busy and i didnt really expect him to call me back. He's in the navy and his ship sailed yesterday for 3 months. He asked me to email him, and to wait for him. I told him that i would. I've emailed him talking about my concerns and another time catching him up with what i've been doing. There are so many reason to why he might not be answering, he could be busy, his ship could have left early, and the worst one, he might not be interested, but I told him to be honest with me, I would rather he hurt me with the truth than lead me on. There are so few computers on the ship I dont know when he will be able to have a chance to reply. Its been six days since i've heard from him. I am not going to email him anymore, not until i hear a reply at least. How long should i wait before I take his silence as an answer? I really like him but i dont want to show myself as being too clingy but i am afraid that I might be, due to the emails and the phone calls, I dont want to scare him away. I mean i called him only because i wont be able to hear his voice for 3 months. and I emailed him because i couldnt hear his voice. So what should i think? (i'll give him a week or two) How do I undo some of the clinginess that he think i might have?
thanks for your help

CroCivic91

There's a good question that i'm interested in too...

If you notice you're being too clingy needy, how do you "undo" that? If you turn it all the way around all of a sudden - will it be noticed by the other side as a negative sign? Do you do it gradually?

Wildcat21

You need to stop it immediately!!!! Back off!!! Take a strategic withdrawl immediately!!! Don't call! Don't return calls.

I will post this again:

IF you act too anxious to make a relationship work, even if the other person initially seemed to be the one who wanted it, they will become turned off and start looking for the exits. Next time you decide you really want somebody, play your cards close to your chest. Don’t let on how excited you’ve become. Slowly over many months of time you can eventually show more commitment on your part, but do so incrementally, remaining alert to equal signs of commitment back. If at any point your devotion is more than an equal share, back off and give the other person a chance to catch up before proceeding further.

It is their perception, rightly or wrongly, that someone nice must be desperately needy. The neediness or dependent characteristics exhibited by a person are actually what is repulsive.

desbnice

Thanks for your reply, I havent called him since Tuesday, and it wouldnt matter if i did because he is out to sea, he cant send or receive calls. Actually he told me before he left that he is going to turn his phone completely off for the duration of his trip. When i was calling I couldnt see what i was doing, I didnt think of it as being needy, I thought of it as being concerned. But now I see how it can be interpreted as neediness. My emails arent "please email me, please!" Thats begging, and i'm bigger than that. 1 email was just talking about how my mother had gotten into a slight car accident and that i was worried about that, and everything else, I basically emailed him because i needed someone to talk to who couldnt interupt my thoughts . And the second email talked about what i had done so far this week. It seems kinda hard to be clingy with someone thats over seas. The only way i can contact him is through emails, and if he doenst want to read them, then he can just delete them. So i am going to give him a week or so, I have already decided that if he does reply within the week, that i would not email him promptly. I would love some more advice, I am not very experienced in the dating "game". What would you do if you were in this situation?

Wildcat21

I would NOT contact him. Wait for him to contact you. Period. Even if you HAVE to - don't. Stop it! If he doesn't contact you - then forget it - you showed your interest.

These aren't games. It's just the proper way to act so you don't drive them away.

I advise - reading ALL the articles at this website - they are free. www.lovetactics.com -

You need to learn this stuff now. I advise also going forward reading all the woman's websites on dating and relationships - heartache is avoidable - you always get hurt when you rush into things. Do you have a girl friend you can talk with about this - someone your age? and then someone older? I thought you woma - that' ALL you talked about???

You always need to keep your interest level below their interest level.

Wildcat21

You also said he complimented you endlessly - that's a little creepy - coming on too strong. Seeking your approval.

desbnice

"I thought you woma - that' ALL you talked about???"

I dont know what that means

My interest level did seem lower than his, that was until he stopped calling me and then my level probably spiked way higher than his. and thats where the trouble starts. I wish i didnt like him so much then I wouldnt be having this problem , That was a joke. I WILL NOT contact him, i am not going to continue to look desperate.

I do have girlfriends to talk to and they havent really given me any good advice. its either..."i dont know what to tell you" , "Hope for the best" (i have been hoping for the best, while thinking the worst, You know what i mean) or "email him in a couple of days." If i was satisfied with their level of advice i wouldnt have asked online. Actually writing on here has eliminated my urge to email him, although i was never planning on emailing him today.

My sister has a boyfriend who is in the navy also so shes been trying to give me some advice. He emails her once or twice a week, but then again he works on, and is in charge of all the computers on the ship.

CroCivic91

Great post Wildcat...thanks once again for good advice