Is he fooling around?

I can understand why a man of 58, who has already raised three children to adulthood (he's probably a grandfather too?), would want to have the responsibility of raising another baby at this stage of the game.

And he is still married, and does not wish anyone to know he has fathered a child. He has made it clear that he won't be in your life, or take part in raising this baby. I assume you will have to settle for him tossing cash your way to help out. (you might want to establish child support legally)

You will have your hands full with having already a 14 year old, and now a baby. Single motherhood is quite different than shared custody, which the father doesn't appear to want either.

So what are you left with.

It is possible that at some point, he may, out of curiosity, wish to see, or be a part of his child's life, but to sit around and wait for something that may never happen, you are robbing yourself of the freedom you need to move on. If it were me, I would presume the relationship is over.

That he is on dating sites, tells me that he's interested in a relationship with a woman, for purposes other than marriage and children. Relationships come in all shapes and sizes, but, I presume from what you have said about him, he is not interested in a relationship in order to start a family.

My advice to you is to be prepared to raise this child, with financial support from him, and nothing more.

oh thanku so much for your lovely answer, may we talk more on this please??

I think that many times, when posts are made, like yours, you really only need hear that what you think is happening, or what you think you need to do, is confirmed by others. It's really very sad when relationships don't work out- for whatever reason. But, for your sake, I hope you find happiness without him in your life.

I don't converse privately if that is what you are asking, and I hope you will post here, and allow others the opportunity to give you opinions as well. Many people here are very thoughtful and honest, and may give more insight and suggestions.

hi, thank you once again....

Trying to mend the problem for the sake of the child is one thing. Trying to mend the problem for the sake of your self is another thing. This part remains unknown to me. Only you know this. From what you described about him, it seems like he was just looking for a fling with a younger woman. Once it became more serious than that because of the child, he began looking for a way out. Basically, he used the fight as the excuse he was looking for. The point here is that he already had it in his mind that he wanted out. It was only a matter of time. This isn't your fault so don't blame yourself. Be strong! You don't need people like that in your life anyway. Now, the child may grow up without his father. It's not the ideal situation, but it may be reality. So you need to face that and figure some things out. Always deal with reality. If you ever need anything else, I'm here. Peace and Love, and the best of wishes.

wow what an answer that was poet, you helped me understand things more clearly now and let me let go of the frustrations I had, i thought I didi the wrong in the relationship )

Hi there,
I feel its not right that my ex's doesn't want me to tell anyone about our baby , but he threatened me that if I did then he will cut child support, My heart is sorry for the child because he has family he can't know, I feel so low at times and wish to start telling them but am scared..

Commitment,

Firstly, welcome to this great site!

You have to take a hard decision if you want, your child to know about his father. What can he do, after all? Moreover, child support is his legal obligation. Tell your son, everything. Else, when he grows up, he will have to cut a sorry figure, everytime, someone asks him about his father. Is not it?

First you get your child support though the court, You get if needed a DNA test. Next you tell any and everyone you want.
What he is doing is denying it is his child, and maybe even not admitting to a relationship with you.

You can not force him to see or visit the child, but you should never deny or lie about who he father is.

He cannot cut off child support unless he goes underground. Child support is his obligation and your right, but you need to go to court to enforce it. And you should.

He has no right to tell you who you can tell about your child. On the other hand it is his responsibility to tell his family. I would not go behind his back to do so.