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Cutie209 · Oct 22, 2010, 03:46 AM

My boyfriend was in prison for many years so he's not use to showing affection to anyone. Every time I bring up how I want him to be affectionate to me he gets upset. How do I get him to be affectionate with me?

He has been in prison for so many years when we make love there's no foreplay touching nothing just penetration... he gets his climax but I get left out in the cold what do I do

mmresd · Oct 22, 2010, 10:30 AM

I believe that affection can be expressed in millions of ways and that if your idea of how to show affection differs from that of your significant other then you might feel as if you are not receiving any. One thing that's for sure is that affection is not something you ask for, is something you just receive when the giving person decides to offer it. So do not pressure him into it. It could be the case that he is just not an affectionate type of guy. I have had several friend who would talk to me about how much they loved their girlfriend and how they looked like goddesses in their eyes but that they would hate to have to hold their hand in public. Don't worry if you do not get the ideal affection that you are expecting from your boyfriend, don't let it get to you and just enjoy your time together, because one, it might not last forever so make it count, and second, if he didn't feel something for you then he wouldn't be hanging out with you anyway. Lastly, if you decide that you cannot live without the affection that you are so desperately in search for, then maybe this is not the right guy for you.

Good Luck,

Javi

talaniman · Oct 22, 2010, 11:55 AM

How long has he been out, and why are you putting up with his prison ways, and going along with the way he treats you?? He has to make adjustments, and you have to teach him otherwise he will just keep treating you like sex relief.

Don't allow yourself to be used, is where you start his education to the outside world.

rebeccahstrean · Oct 22, 2010, 07:41 PM

Ok... so what I have learned is that you have to just deal with it. When you get the chance to be affectionate with him then do it! And for the whole sex thing just lay off and don't have sex with him for a while . Um... you need to just cope with your ellings aobut it. It might not work out. Rmemeber that a relationship is s50/50. Oh yeah a little advice... tease him for a couple of days... so he wants to have sex and forplay with you.

loveall · Mar 25, 2012, 08:41 PM

I am in a similar situation. My guy and I had a talk about it (very important to talk)He said that it was hard for him to be affectionate because he was raised on the streets. He also said that he cannot change over night and that change takes time. I take that to mean that is trying or at least willing to try. I personally would take small steps. At least one time when we are together I would touch him in some way, like caress the back of his hand or cup his face gently and kiss him, but I would not prolong it. I would move away quickly before he gets uncomfortable. Sometimes if I really need a hug and he does not seem receptive to it, I would ask for one and he always complies, although it is always very brief. He also prefers to go straight to penetration without foreplay. I know that I will not have my body lavished with soft kisses as I would like, so I tell him when he rubs my stomach I get really turned on, and he readily does it because he feels good that he could really make me horny:) Like I said baby steps. Today he actually told me that he missed me too when I told him first. That's a big step for him I think. I am willing to be patient and work with I'm because I have very strong feelings for him