So I am a pretty lonely person, I study for school and I work to pay for school and live with parents who don't like me very much and are verbally/physically abusive. My ex boyfriend was the only form of unconditional love I experienced, until he no longer acted like he cared and told me that he is desensitized to my feelings. So I broke up with him because I wasn't in a good place at the time and the saying goes, if you don't love yourself you can't love anyone else. I miss him a lot, I've never trusted anyone or loved anyone as much as him... and I know that he cared for me, but when I ask him, do you want to be with me or not? He always answers that he doesn't know.
Well we've hooked up a few times and it has been 2 months and I try to talk to him but all he can say is that he can't answer because he doesn't know. He was so affectionate with me yesterday when we were watching a movie and I was trying to sit away from him, and he acted like he did when we were together, like kissing me on my head and stroking my back and later we hooked up that night. I asked him, again and he said he didn't know. I'm not hounding him every time I see him, I've asked him a total of four times during the two months, mostly during this week. Is it wrong that I want to be happy and that I want him to be happy. I want to study abroad and work hard and begin my life if it doesn't work with him... but our anniversary is coming up, my birthday, valentine's day, and our planned date for our engagement. I'd rather not be in the position where we are hooking up and not going anywhere, I'll just be hurt all over again. I admit it was truly hard, and I was criticized by my family for losing him and basically told I will never find anyone like him. I believe I will never find anyone like him, but what can I do. If he doesn't love me then he doesn't want to be with me, but I want to be with him. I don't know if I should push him away now, I don't know how long to wait, and I don't know why he can't just decide (sometimes I think he wants to be just friends, and sometimes I think he wants to be with me). Ughhh... He really was good to me when he wasn't so stressed and he is a really quiet person... I just don't know how to read him.

Each person is unique. Your family has no say on criticizing you for any reason when they themselves do not know how to treat others.

As far as never finding somebody the same that is true, but that does not mean that there is no body else out there for you. Do you know what I mean.

He is an ex. You did break up with him. That was your choice, now he probably just wants to keep his distance. Maybe he does not want to cross the line, and you do not think he got hurt? Maybe he is afraid of getting hurt again.

I think you should focus on your schooling and get other things together. Have a heart to heart with him and tell him what your feeling and thinking and see how he responds.

Good luck.

I'm just praying for some guidance, or closure. I find that love is hard to find, and maybe I should just stop looking for a while. Things are complicated... he works where I work, his friends are all my friends, and he's the only one who still lives in my town. I don't want to throw him out of my life, but to move on I can't be around him or have my friends talk about him. It's just stressful and I would greatly appreciate it anyone could just pray, wish me luck or whatever so that maybe I can move forward with or without him. Thank you

I will pray for you. You also need to pray for yourself. To quiet down and to try to empty your mind so your able to open yourself up to better possibilities and even hearing answers. That is what you need, quiet time, meditation, prayer and then you will be able to get the answers your looking for. It may be stressful but it is you that is making the stress stronger on yourself because of the way you have been dealing with this situation. Best of luck, quiet down, prayer and others will pray for you as well. The answers no matter what it is will come to you, you just need to be able to listen for it.

I didn't even read your entire post, just the first sentence. Leave your parents house and turn them into the cops. It doesn't matter how old you are, someone should NEVER hit another person. Not to be ummm critical but you must have worthless parents if they're going to talk down to you and be physical with you. Call the cops!!

You say he was the only unconditional love that you've experienced. Well I hate to burst your bubble, but it doesn't seem unconditional by your post. Listen, I know what you're going through... my own mother told me and my siblings that she wasn't sure if she even loved us. So yeah, I totally know how you must be feeling. But hooking up with your boyfriend to fish out every last piece of love he might have for you is not that way to do this. Go NC right away, go do your thing, and find what makes you happy. Be brave and know you can do it on your own.

I will pray that you will have the strength to leave this person and concentrate on your life. Your strength and esteem will not come from him, he is as confused as you are.
Ask God to give you guidance and the strength to do in your life what must be done.

You could help yourself greatly, by not wrapping your universe around anyone. Learn to love yourself enough to be happy with you, and don't be concerned about what the peanut gallery says. There is a big old world waiting for you to explore it. Hit the books, and Go for it.

Wow your story is exactly like mine... I can relate to almost everything you are saying, exect my guy kind of broke up with me, or he wanted a break, but ow we are drifting apart, so it doesn't seem like a break. Your feelings are the same as mine, we both love each other, I always asked him how he felt, and he said I don't know.
I do believe I will never find anyone like him, we were in high school and he basically proposed to me (it was between us). He didn't prospose but we did talk about it a lot. If fact we were planning on telling our families this christmas break to make it official.
I do love him so much. Our relationship is long distance right now, because he decided to go to school in Massachusetts this year, the reason we 'broke up' is because we are in two different places in our lives. We both are changing, and our relationship changed. It is so true that you need to take this time to find yourself, and he can do that too. If you find each other again someday, then it is a miracle.
I do not want to loose my 'ex'. He is my best friend, even though he isn't acting like it right now. It has been such a roller coaster, and I bet it has for you too. Look at you're being apart as a good thing now, even though you thin about it all the time. Get to know yourself, I know it sucks to hear, but I don't want to hear, or do, it. But I know it is what I need to do if I want to be with your guy... I think I need to do that in order to be wit my guy I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with.
I can't even explain how much I want this guy to be a part of my life forever, It is so hard for me to believe we are like this right now, but things happen for a reason, as cheesy as that sounds.
I really hope I have helped you? If you want to keep talking let me know!

*** thank you *** it was really touching to hear your good wishes and advice. I'm trying to just go throughout my day no matter how lonely it is. I'm just experiencing a lot of confusion at the moment. He calls me up to go to lunch and then acts like he feels he is too busy while we are eating. Then when sometimes he calls he is bored and wants to come over. Then while watching a movie he starts getting all touchy. OMG, how the heck do you get touchy while watching aliens 3?? Okay whatever, so over that... but I'm scared to ask him anything and I think it is unfair, I am trying to tell myself things happen for a reason but what is all this? I'm not even asking for this. I think it is impossible to be friends after all that I've shared with him, there are still feelings, and at some point even after we've been apart for a long time I can just see it being uncomfortable because of all the things we shared and planned in the past. I'm trying to just go with the flow of things.. but I can't help but to have a little hope. I have to see him at work tomorrow and ughh... I just wish life was easy as a blinking screen that says Game Over or you have one more life left. All our friends are coming home and I'm just going to have to see him like everyday. I want boundaries and answers so that maybe I can know how to be, but he doesn't work well with deadlines/ultimatums/plans/things that need to be done.

I think his actions tell you he does not care. Leave him alone. Concentrate on yourself. Don't waste anymore time or energy on this. Do the things you want to do.

I kind of think he is in it for the sex. I'm sorry for saying that but just think about it and I will talk or write more about it later because I need to go do something now! Trust me it will get easier, but it will be weird.
I really think he maybe 'using' you because he can, you're letting him.
Stop doing that until he is fully committed
You deserve that, and trust me there will be someone who will be fully committed to you if he doesn't step up and change

Sometimes we meet people who are as needy as we are but in a different way. Maybe he needed to be needed and perhaps he just does not need you any longer. He may care for you,but not in the way you want him to.
My advice would be to leave him alone. Do those things you want to do. You will grow and may discover that he was not the one anyway.
I wish you well.

First get out of your abusive parents house!! Then try being friends give him space try a new lover if he is not there on min and then there the next maby he needs some insentive to say hey wait a min if I don't step up I am going to loose her I know this because my mom was abusive to me and every guy I have been with my mother has driven them away I am now pregnant with my 4 th child by the 4th dad and he acts the same way one day he will be here then for a week he is gone he says he want s to be with me but ahhh he don't show it he comes when he wants to get snuggly but I have started to say sorry I don't think I can be like this with someone who can't figure out what they want so until you figure it out please back off. Its been 3 days now sense he has been here but he has changed his attitude... maby just moving on to another would be better for you not to sure in your case but hopefully it works out.

So this is my resolution... I am going to wait for an answer till before christmas and if I don't get one, and I'm just making myself believe that it won't work out, I'm just going to cut him off. As for right now, he still sees me and talks to me because we work at the same place. As for using me... I truly don't believe that. I think maybe because he has lived such a privledged life and because he isn't socially adept and I was his first girlfriend he just doesn't know how to act and thinks there are no rules to love and that it is whatever he thinks. I said to him I want an answer, even if he isn't completely sure to just go with the feeling he is most inclined to. He still doesn't know, and he couldn't look at me and got all teary eyed. The support of everyone has really helped me. I feel very alone at times especially when I am either working or stuck at home with my hypocritical parents. I felt a lot happier when he said he loved me after my parents would say something like you shouldn't of been my daughter and I shouldn't have been your father and psychotically screaming at me for several hours. I know what they have done to me is wrong and maybe that is why my biggest fear is being alone and unloved, but they are the only family I have. I have forgiven them and I forgive myself. I am a stronger person even now because I have openly shared things in my life that I have dared not speak of for all my life. Besides my ex... nobody else has known that except for everyone here. I'll try my best to stay positive and trudge forward. Bless you all for your replys and thoughts. I will post what happens and hopefully someone can be there when I hit that hurdle.

OK besides the fact that you love this boy and he doesn't love you that story didn't make any sense what are you asking you said your prepareing for engagement but then you say well he doesn't know if he wants to be with me I don't get it all I know is that it seems like you really love him so just follow your heart... hope things work out

You're focusing on the things you can't control. Why not focus on the things you can control, like making sure you do go and try that awesome opportunity to study abroad.

Study hard and continue to save money. If other parts of you feel weak right now, trust that you can't let yourself also slip in terms of school, money, or physical health, etc.

So do everything you can to take care of yourself and to build a stronger you. There is no man who doesn't notice an independent and strong woman. And if your ex doesn't notice, then big news: he's not a man. Leave that dog for someone else to tend to. You've got better things to do from now on, and big big big plans.

OMG!! I wish somebody had given me the advice that I'm about to give you girls 20 years ago! Go check this e-book out here:
Catch Him and Keep Him Book Review

I read it all in one night, all 183 pages. I feel like I never really understood men until now!