is he cheating??

markayw · #1 Dec 12, 2006, 07:26 AM

well me and my boyfriend ben together for almost 2 years im pregnant by him and everytime i talk to him he'll say im cheating on him and accuse me all day and im not cheating on him and he knows im not im having his baby! could he be the one cheating on me and he feels guilty for it so it makes him feel better to accuse me?he calls me all these
names and i cant take it anymore im so stressed out can some one please tell me what is going on?

Geoffersonairplane · Dec 12, 2006, 07:34 AM

I can't say for sure if he is cheating on you. There is a possibility and many times when a person accuses you of cheating, it is actually the fact that they are guilty of having done what they are suggesting. There is a possibility that he has cheated in the past and may not have done this in the current relationship. He could also have been cheated on in the past and this may have led to an insecurity and lack of trust that he has brought with him to this relationship.

These are all theories and without knowing the full picture, I cannot really say he is cheating for sure. One thing for sure is that you do not deserve to be treated like this and certainly don't deserve to be called any names - - That is Verbal Abuse.

This needs to be brought to his attention because you don't deserve to have him take out his issues on you. If he needs help dealing with trust, the he either needs to sit down with you for reassurance or maybe consider speaking to a counselor if the problems with trust are severe.

valinors_sorrow · Dec 12, 2006, 07:35 AM

Was the pregnacy accidental or planned by both of you and how long have you two been fully sexual with each other? I ask not to be nosey but because that may have something legitimate to do with it.

markayw · Dec 12, 2006, 08:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

Was the pregnacy accidental or planned by both of you and how long have you two been fully sexual with each other? I ask not to be nosey but because that may have something legitimate to do with it.

well its was accidental but he always said he wanted to get me pregnant and we ben sexually active for like 1 year and a half . do u think i can have a miscarrage from crying over him all the time?

markayw · Dec 12, 2006, 08:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

I can't say for sure if he is cheating on you. There is a possibility and many times when a person accuses you of cheating, it is actually the fact that they are guilty of having done what they are suggesting. There is a possibility that he has cheated in the past and may not have done this in the current relationship. He could also have been cheated on in the past and this may have led to an insecurity and lack of trust that he has brought with him to this relationship.

These are all theories and without knowing the full picture, I cannot really say he is cheating for sure. One thing for sure is that you do not deserve to be treated like this and certainly don't deserve to be called any names - - That is Verbal Abuse.

This needs to be brought to his attention because you don't deserve to have him take out his issues on you. If he needs help dealing with trust, the he either needs to sit down with you for reassurance or maybe consider speaking to a counselor if the problems with trust are severe.

he has cheated on me in the past and it took me months to find out but he's in his house everyday he doesnt go out but i think he's sneaking a girl in the house thats what he used to do for me to sleep there he always had to sneak me in and every time i just show up there he gets really mad and flips out on me i just hope my baby is gunna be ok i hope i dont have a miscarrage from him always makin me cry i dunno i just really think hes cheating on me he never comes over he never calls me when i call him he's always mean to me and everytime i do go there the only number on his caller id is mine but so many ppl call his house when im there so i no he eraeses the caller id he;s hinging somethinf form me

Tuscany · Dec 12, 2006, 08:14 AM

Stress has been known to cause miscarriages. But the act of crying will not cause it to happen

Wildcat21 · Dec 12, 2006, 09:01 AM

Well - I hate to say it - but women's guy instinct is generally 98% of the time right.

I've seen this before - a cheater acussing the non-cheater of cheating as a way, they think, of deflecting their guilt.

He sounds like a big jerk - why are you with him? He seems abusive and he has cheated on you? He most likely will cheat again sadly. Why would you stay with a gu yliek this?

PinkParisKitty · Dec 12, 2006, 09:41 AM

Bonjour! Well, I don't know if he is cheating on you, but the frequency that he accuses you of cheating might be an indicator that he, himself, has been unfaithful more than he is willing to admit. Since he has accused you of not carrying his child I think that you should ask him openly if he is the one guilty of cheating in your relationship. Normally, I would not advocate asking such a thing, but since he seems to accuse you regularly it seems only fair that you return the favor.

Stress can cause miscarriages because it carries with it a host of physical symptoms and it can't be good for you or the baby to be wound up so tight all the time. I think it is deplorable that he keeps telling you that he "knows" you are not carrying his baby! Maybe he is trying to get out of being a father (unplanned pregnancy) and/or trying to drive you to break up with him.

Seeing as how he is only out to make you feel bad, stressed and down n' out, I should think that breaking up with him or at least limiting the contact that you do have with him until you are over the hump of having this baby would be in your best interest.

I know that you love him and that it would make your life a thousand times easier (well maybe) should he decide to quit being a jerk and stick around...but imagine what life will be like with him in your life once the child is born? Especially if he insists on verbally abusing you in front of the child and running around on you while you are caring for his kid?

I don't like to advocate parents split up or even that single motherhood is the best route-- but honestly in this instance I should think that you would be better off without this guy. Your mental, emotional and physical health should not be the price you pay for a relationship regardless of who the father of your child is.

His behavior is likely to get worse if you don't tell him how this whole situation is affecting you. Tell him straight out that you are concerned for your health, the wellness of the baby and the state of the relationship. You are in a position that you must set up boundaries and let him no in no uncertain terms that this state of affairs can not and will not continue.

It may seem scary to go it alone, but you aren't doing yourself any favors sticking around and letting him mistreat you. Do you have family or friends that would be willing to help you out and be a support network for you after you leave him? If so I would seriously consider enlisting their help in this problem and getting out, and getting on for the sake of your baby.

It sounds like this relationship was unhealthy from the get-go, and now there are more things at stake and you have to think of not only yourself, but this baby that you have created.

I hope this helps and that I haven't added to your stresses, but you have to look at the big picture here and the only way you can avoid stress and improve your health is to take a break from this relationship and focus on the joy of being a mother.

The circumstances may not be the best, but you still have every right to prepare, dote and just enjoy being pregnant without all of this drama that has one cause: Mr. Jerkface.

Congratulations on being pregnant and I hope that you are able to take a break from this soon. You deserve all the best in this life and a child should be an improvement-- not a scary event.

Blessings to you and lots of love.

*Hugs*

~Kitty~

Wildcat21 · Dec 12, 2006, 10:14 AM

Yes, are you prepared for the child? Is he goin gto help out? Is he working? Do you work?

valinors_sorrow · Dec 12, 2006, 11:27 AM

It sounds to me like your relationship has been on the rocks for some time, you both have been ignoring that hoping it would magically fix itself and that neither of you is very prepared for this pregnancy. You can't afford to be that indulgent anymore though. Time for you to take some big bites of reality Markeyw because you are going to have a child to care for, with or without his involvement. The choices you make will matter here not just to you, but to that child too. Think about that. See things as they are. Just because you are pregnant doesn't mean you can make this boy love, care, or respect you or the baby -- the best you'll be able to force him to do is pay financial support. That is a big lesson, I know and one I wish I could make easier for you. He isn't what you need and some part of you knows it already, I bet. Seek you family for help and let this be as calm a time as possible for you.



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