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I have been with my boyfriend for almost ten months. At the beginning of the relationship as it always happens he was very attentive, we would go out almost every weekend and did a lot of things together. After a few months he stoped coming by as often and blamed the lack of time on work. A few months ago i found out i was pregnant...he was thrilled and reassure me that he would be there for me and our child. We moved in together but i couldn't handle it and asked him to move out...i am very independent and felt a bit suffocated. He wasnt happy about it. Since then he has been more distant. I don't know where he is living he says with his cousin. I haven't met his parents and that has bothered me from the beginning. I confronted him several times and he always denies that he is cheating and tells me he's just working a lot specially now since we have a baby on the way. I hate the fact that he keeps me in the dark about a lot of things. We haven't been intimate in a little over two weeks and that was a big red flag for me. I confronted him about it and he said making money right now is more important. Sometimes he tells me he's coming by and then he won't show up or even call. I've had it. So i text him today and told him i wanted to be free and not to contact me for a while. I need time to think about myself and take care of my baby i can't keep stressing over this. I don't want to have to be wonderign every day and doubting every word he said. He is very convincing with his responses but at the end of the day i don't feel good about them. I wished i could find a way to know for sure but im not the detective type and for now i just decided to distance myself from the situation. Please let me know what you think and what would you do or think in my situation. thank you
Thank you starbuck! I really needed to hear words like yours. I was taught very well by my single mom, we didn't have much money and didn't get to spend too much time together but morals and values were always a priority in my life from all those around me that helped my mom raise me. I guess i'm mostly mad at myself for forgeting where i come from and letting my loneliness and low self steem get the best of me. I wanted to be loved and wanted to love in return so i wanted desperately to see the best in this person even though my gut sometimes was telling me something different. He was great at the beginning and promised all sorts of things which i obviously believed were going to come true. Being betrayed in such a way is hearbreaking but i have decided to place all of my focus on my baby so he or she doesn't have to pay the consequences. I take full responsibility for my pregnancy because i should have been more careful as i always had but again it seems this was meant to happen to me. All i can do at this point is make the best of this situation and give my child the best upbringing i can possibly give him/her. My baby is going to be biracial since the father is african american so i have my work cut out for me. I will have to teach him about the ignorant people in the world who will come into his/her life. I will raise a child not a race...god has put in from of me this difficult task but i believe in my heart that i'm up for the challenge. I have a wonderful family that loves me and supports me which is huge in my book. I'm originally from Argentina living in the US for a while now and i have a lot of family there where my child will go frequently to learn that culture as well....he or she will be bilingual or maybe trilingual i speak italian as well !!! So as you can see i have big dreams for my child's education and this is what i'm focusing on....you are right about the father i hope one day he will grow up and realize his mistakes....i hope he can be a good father, regardless of what he did to me i would want him to have a good and positive relationship with his child so i pray he will come to his senses and step up to the plate. Thanks again starbuck....i feel strong and ready for the journey ahead.
You're very welcome!
Your name says it all! Your baby will be happy that his/her mom is an angel, and got right back up and dusted herself off! It's very hard to do sometimes, as I very well know myself!
You sound like you have your head on perfectly straight even though it was tilted for awhile, lol. Who hasn't gone through things like that?!! We have all been there at one time or another for sure right? You wanted to believe that your childs father would be a stand-up guy and he didn't follow through with his promises. But you are picking up the slack for him, as we often have to do, and making sure that your babe has a bright future!
Cheers to you for planning to teach your child about his heritage. That will help him/her alot in a world of sometimes ignorant people! I believe you're right that this DID happen to you for a reason. Not the best of circumstances for sure, but it's weird how it can all fall into place sometimes. Thank your mom for raising you with the morals and values that you have! As a matter of fact, I think I will call my mom too
Take care of yourself and that babe of yours ok?, and let me know how things are going!
I have been with my boyfriend for almost ten months. At the beginning of the relationship as it always happens he was very attentive, we would go out almost every weekend and did a lot of things together. After a few months he stoped coming by as often and blamed the lack of time on work. A few months ago i found out i was pregnant...he was thrilled and reassure me that he would be there for me and our child. We moved in together but i couldn't handle it and asked him to move out...i am very independent and felt a bit suffocated. He wasnt happy about it. Since then he has been more distant. I don't know where he is living he says with his cousin. I haven't met his parents and that has bothered me from the beginning. I confronted him several times and he always denies that he is cheating and tells me he's just working a lot specially now since we have a baby on the way. I hate the fact that he keeps me in the dark about a lot of things. We haven't been intimate in a little over two weeks and that was a big red flag for me. I confronted him about it and he said making money right now is more important. Sometimes he tells me he's coming by and then he won't show up or even call. I've had it. So i text him today and told him i wanted to be free and not to contact me for a while. I need time to think about myself and take care of my baby i can't keep stressing over this. I don't want to have to be wonderign every day and doubting every word he said. He is very convincing with his responses but at the end of the day i don't feel good about them. I wished i could find a way to know for sure but im not the detective type and for now i just decided to distance myself from the situation. Please let me know what you think and what would you do or think in my situation. thank you
he is cheating i was in a similar situation i think you should move on because you just hurting the baby and youur self good kuck!
he is cheating i was in a similar situation i think you should move on because you just hurting the baby and youur self good kuck!
Yeah i found out he was living with another girl and now has been out of the pic for almost a week. I'm definately moving on. It sucks being betrayed like this but life goes on and i can sleep well at night knowing i did nothing wrong. My baby and i will be fine. Thank you, sorry you had to go through something similar....was this a long time ago are you over it by now?
My ex is contacting me again. He asked me to meet him at a coffee house to talk, he wanted to tell me everything and come clean about cheating on me. I agreed to meet up with him. He apologized to no end and seemed honest enough. He said he made a huge mistake, he was confused, inmature, impulsive etc. He asked for another chance and for my forgiveness. I told him i already had but it was too soon for second chances, how would i trust him again? how would i know he won't do it again?. He said he would prove it to me, that he realizes now that he made a huge mistake and wants a second change. He said he has a new job and saving money for the baby and for a potential future for us. I'm scared of even thinking of giving him another chance. I'm scared he will hurt me again. I want to believe in him but last time i did i got burned. I want to think he will change and things will be great from now on but it's never that easy. The only reason why i'm reconsidering is because we are having a baby together.
I don't know what to do...i've been strong this whole time and i don't want to lose that and become confused myself. Matters of the heart are never easy...
Okay, words come cheap. He has to put his money where his mouth is. Tell him to prove that he wants to change his behaviour, and the only way he can do that is by his actions. Don't just take him back and hope he is sincere. Set a time limit, of say 6 mos, and watch how consistant he stays with what he said he would do. There are subtle things you can do to test just how committed he is to following through. Pay attention to how he acts and not the words that fly easily out of his mouth.
Okay, words come cheap. He has to put his money where his mouth is. Tell him to prove that he wants to change his behaviour, and the only way he can do that is by his actions. Don't just take him back and hope he is sincere. Set a time limit, of say 6 mos, and watch how consistant he stays with what he said he would do. There are subtle things you can do to test just how committed he is to following through. Pay attention to how he acts and not the words that fly easily out of his mouth.
You are absolutely right. I like the six month probation idea. I was thinking the same thing, if he's honest and serious about a real change he will put in the effort. That will be the only way to know for sure if he deserves another chance. He asked me out to dinner and a movie the other day saying he wants to build back to a friendship. I declined, not ready yet but i need to be around to see his behaviour and if his life is truly changing. It's so hard, he is the one that hurts me and i still have to go through all of this....i pray he will change, i see good in him still....am i crazy or just hopeful? or simply dumb as dirt??? LOL
I'm still taking care of me and my baby which is a BOY by the way!!! I smile every time. I'm going to raise him to be a great man that's for sure!!!
Let him prove himself by his actions, and his actions to this point, are devastating to you and your child. He is a father and therefore has responsibilities. If he can't meet those, don't even consider him sincere. Words don't raise kids, or buy pampers. One thing to consider, he can have child support taken out of his check, VOLUNTARILY, as a contingent you may never take him back. For sure let him do this away from you, as moving back, is not going to cut it. Make him earn the right to be in your life. Don't be fooled by slick words, or half a$$ed actions, just so he has a roof over his head.
He asked me out to dinner and a movie the other day saying he wants to build back to a friendship. I declined, not ready yet but i need to be around to see his behavior and if his life is truly changing.
I disagree, you don't have to be around him at all, to see if he is putting in the right efforts. Contact such as dates, and such, only let him sweet talk you, and stir your emotions. If thats the extent of his trying, forget it. You will always be confused, and influenced, by his words. Is he taking care of business? Thats the only yardstick you need. Pampers, rent, daycare, milk, insurance for you, and your son. The list goes on. Thats what you judge him by, not dinner, or fine food. You were very wise not to go to dinner with him.
You are absolutely right. I like the six month probation idea. I was thinking the same thing, if he's honest and serious about a real change he will put in the effort. That will be the only way to know for sure if he deserves another chance. He asked me out to dinner and a movie the other day saying he wants to build back to a friendship. I declined, not ready yet but i need to be around to see his behaviour and if his life is truly changing. It's so hard, he is the one that hurts me and i still have to go through all of this....i pray he will change, i see good in him still....am i crazy or just hopeful? or simply dumb as dirt??? LOL
I'm still taking care of me and my baby which is a BOY by the way!!! I smile every time. I'm going to raise him to be a great man that's for sure!!!
It may be wishful thinking, and no it doesn't mean you are dumb as dirt. lol. Let him come back around very gradually, and then watch closely.
Congrats on your babe being a boy, and for wanting to make sure he grows into a great man! I have faith that you can do it with or without him!
I really needed to hear words like yours. I was taught very well by my single mom, we didn't have much money and didn't get to spend too much time together but morals and values were always a priority in my life from all those around me that helped my mom raise me. I guess i'm mostly mad at myself for forgeting where i come from and letting my loneliness and low self steem get the best of me. I wanted to be loved and wanted to love in return so i wanted desperately to see the best in this person even though my gut sometimes was telling me something different. He was great at the beginning and promised all sorts of things which i obviously believed were going to come true. Being betrayed in such a way is hearbreaking but i have decided to place all of my focus on my baby so he or she doesn't have to pay the consequences. I take full responsibility for my pregnancy because i should have been more careful as i always had but again it seems this was meant to happen to me. All i can do at this point is make the best of this situation and give my child the best upbringing i can possibly give him/her. My baby is going to be biracial since the father is african american so i have my work cut out for me. I will have to teach him about the ignorant people in the world who will come into his/her life. I will raise a child not a race...god has put in from of me this difficult task but i believe in my heart that i'm up for the challenge. I have a wonderful family that loves me and supports me which is huge in my book. I'm originally from Argentina living in the US for a while now and i have a lot of family there where my child will go frequently to learn that culture as well....he or she will be bilingual or maybe trilingual i speak italian as well !!! So as you can see i have big dreams for my child's education and this is what i'm focusing on....you are right about the father i hope one day he will grow up and realize his mistakes....i hope he can be a good father, regardless of what he did to me i would want him to have a good and positive relationship with his child so i pray he will come to his senses and step up to the plate. Thanks again starbuck....i feel strong and ready for the journey ahead. 
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