I have been with my boyfriend for almost ten months. At the beginning of the relationship as it always happens he was very attentive, we would go out almost every weekend and did a lot of things together. After a few months he stoped coming by as often and blamed the lack of time on work. A few months ago i found out i was pregnant...he was thrilled and reassure me that he would be there for me and our child. We moved in together but i couldn't handle it and asked him to move out...i am very independent and felt a bit suffocated. He wasnt happy about it. Since then he has been more distant. I don't know where he is living he says with his cousin. I haven't met his parents and that has bothered me from the beginning. I confronted him several times and he always denies that he is cheating and tells me he's just working a lot specially now since we have a baby on the way. I hate the fact that he keeps me in the dark about a lot of things. We haven't been intimate in a little over two weeks and that was a big red flag for me. I confronted him about it and he said making money right now is more important. Sometimes he tells me he's coming by and then he won't show up or even call. I've had it. So i text him today and told him i wanted to be free and not to contact me for a while. I need time to think about myself and take care of my baby i can't keep stressing over this. I don't want to have to be wonderign every day and doubting every word he said. He is very convincing with his responses but at the end of the day i don't feel good about them. I wished i could find a way to know for sure but im not the detective type and for now i just decided to distance myself from the situation. Please let me know what you think and what would you do or think in my situation. thank you

N0help4u

First I think you are still having a communication problem.
You need to tell him that if he is civil with you and not calling you all on the defensive attack mode that things would have a better chance of working itself out. You need to tell him that his defense mode is only pushing you away and you never said he could not be a part of the babies life.
He needs to *prove* himself and by jumping all over you he is only making you feel more and more like you are making the right decision in pushing him away.

He may have had a change of heart and wants to make it work. It might be best for the two of you to learn to communicate in a positive way and make compromises. IF he has learned from things he has done who knows maybe you could even have a good chance at giving your relationship another try someday.

pinkrose7

ok now i dont now if hes cheating he might but by u pushing him away doesnt help u or his new baby baby girl know that baby is not that yours ok workwith him stop pushing him away ok try tallking to him and y would u have kicked him out at least kick him out ur room i mean y out the house come on ya got a baby on the way work it out if not for u for the baby

dustyangel

I know but i'm so hurt by the way he has treated me that i guess my pride is now getting the best of me. I'm scared of putting my heart out ther give him yet another chance and get hurt all over again. I'm scared that he is "pretending" to want to be in a relationship with me just for the baby. I can't be with someone like that, it's not healthy and in the long run it will not be good for our child either. I am not sure that he cares about me, he has a lot of proving to do. He keeps saying he wants things to be different but i want to see an action plan on how he will accomplish this.

N0help4u

Basically what I mean too. LEARN to communicate and establish a decent relationship in a positive way and tell him you want him to be civil. Work things out where he can see the baby and give things time.

dustyangel

Thanks pinkrose. I live in a large studio so there's no bedroom to kick him out of. I have been going back and forth with this guy for a while. If someone loves you and wants to be with you, form a family etc you need to act like it. He has not. It's like someone said here but don't remember who: he has put me through the mushroom effect: kept me in the dark and fed me B.S(excellent quote). I am now almost five months pregnant and i haven't blown off the handle till less then a month ago. I'm hormonal and every pregnant woman needs patience, love and understanding. He has done nothing to make sure I'M happy. You get more with sugar then vinegar with most people and i am like most people that way. I have never told him he cannot be part of his child's life that's not the type of person i am but i need to take care of me cause he sure hasn't.

dustyangel

I have such a hard time talking to him because he just gets defensive and doesn't listen to reason. I'm going to suggest counseling, maybe we need a third person involved...i wanted time off so i could sort things out in my own head and decide what I want. All this time it has been about him, his wants, his needs, him...him...him....sorry but i'm in this too he's a selfish person and is not used to any woman saying NO to him, well he found one. I noticed that the people who cannot respect you and your wishes don't really care about you. This is a character flaw that communication cannot resolve. To him is about getting away with what he wants. I have even told him that the stress is not good for the baby and he seems to not even care about that. One word: SELFISFH

dustyangel

He lost his job and since he worked for a cell phone company they took his phone (which was company owned) now his number is disconnected. I found out he was living with a girl and took money from her, lived off of her etc. I'm glad i kicked him out when i did, i'm glad i never gave him a cent, i'm glad i was naive but not so stupid to get myself even more involved with this loser. He has stopped calling and texting which is a huge relief, i hope he dissapears for ever. Yes, we are having a child together but i will deal with the legal aspect of it when the time comes. I'm hurt but i'm strong. He thought he could get me pregnant and live off of me. I'm not rich but i have a good job and do well for myself. I am a responsible person with goals. He thought i would be one of those women who would do anything to keep the father of their child around even if he was cheating or using them. I am not that type of woman i would rather raise this baby alone then to be used and abused by a man that is not worh a dime. It's going to be hard as hell but parenting is not for cowards. I thought there was good in him, i wanted to see good in him but at the end of the whole thing he showed his true colors. So sad and dissapointing but life goes on and if i have a boy he will learn to be a real man. I will teach him all the morals and values that seem to be dissapearing in this world of ours. I will make it my priority in life to make sure he knows what's important in life and to have compassion and empathy for others. Things happen for a reason. My baby and i will be fine, as for my ex he will always be a selfish low life miserable rat.

N0help4u

You are better off without him. We all do need to teach our sons and daughters how to treat others.
I see so many guys that have a male supremacy thing where they act nice and then turn on you and try to control you. They have no respect or regard for others. It is important to teach him right. I see so many girls that treat guys like dirt too.

starbuck8

I think you had your answer right from the start! You just needed some confirmation. He sounds like a very immature, irresponsible little boy that had no business making a baby to begin with. I believe you realise your part in it too.

Kudo's to you for working hard and wanting to instill good morals in your child. The world sure needs more Mom's like that! Maybe one day your ex will realise how important it is to man up and provide the care his baby needs, and the same morality. He's got to get out of his 'playpen' and put his big boy pants on sooner or later right? He can either do it on his own, or through the courts. I hope for your childs sake, he will do it on his own!

No matter what HE decides to do, keep your own morals intact and stand your ground. I know you loved him, but he hasn't grown up himself yet obviously. You are right to make sure that he gets to form a relationship with your child. The proof will be in the pudding as to how your ex decides to be involved.

In the meantime, take care of that little baby and teach him right from wrong. He/She will thank you for it, and you will get it back in spades!

starbuck8

Just a note:

You might like to read a new post by "snowgirl" ---Why women cry---(family forum)