My boyfriend of 6 months is just about perfect. He treats me like a queen and is always doing and saying the sweetest things. Its just the type of person he is. I heard from my best friend that my boyfriend is cheating on me with a girl at her work. However he won't admit he. I have talked to this girl also and at first she admitted it and then said she lied. Im sure he called her to tell her to lie. Anyway I refused to speak to him for a few days otherwise I may have killed him. His crying and begging for days and showing up where ever I go I guess got to me and I took him back. I still bring it up and he still swears nothing happened but he doesn't care if he has to hear about it as long as he is with me. I went against my better judgment staying with him and after being cheated on by every boyfriend just about, I swore no man would do it again and stick around. I Love my boyfriend and want things to work out with us but I KNOW he cheated I feel it in my head my heart and my gut and being with him isint sitting well with me. BUT I don't want to leave him. Im so confused.

:confused::(

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by alison2280

My boyfriend of 6 months is just about perfect. He treats me like a queen and is always doing and saying the sweetest things.

---

Except for the fact that he cheated on you...

You have a choice to make and it clearly looks as if you are going to let him get away with this. If it was me, I would be out of there. He knows how to manipulate you to making you think he is the dream guy, all the while he is doing God knows what to other girls behind your back. Serious question though:

How do you KNOW he cheated though?

Simple:

1) He broke your trust.

2) He's trying to repair the trust.

3) If you think his effort and progress is sufficient, then keep him. If not, dump him.

Wow! Around where I live a cheater is FAR from perfect, not near it.

Can't really sympathize with you at all here. If your so sure he did it (which it does sound pretty suspicious, short of actual proof) than you have your answer. What happened to you swearing you would not condone it anymore?

The post basically says I don't want anyone who cheats on me, my boyfriend cheated on me, I love my boyfriend.

Please!

Co-dependancy at it's best?

If you have been cheated on in the past, you are dating another cheater, taking him back knowing he cheated (because you can't be without him - please! ) and whining what do I do?

You know what to do?

We aren't going to condone staying in a relationship where he is still lying to you. He hasn't even repented, faced his sin and consequence. You just gave in that easily. He didn't work for it.

He will do it again and then maybe you will look at how you are condoning the behavior.

By taking him back, your saying you forgive him, so drop trying to get a confession, and focus on healing and moving forward, or leave him alone. Its really that simple. If you took him back to beat him over the head, that's not love.

Deal with the hurt feelings and not the act that hurt you. Or it will be apparent your decision to take him back was not well thought out, and discussed by you both, with conditions, and boundaries defined, but based on pure emotion, and no facts.

Decision like this, based on your heart, usually don't work for long, as your seeing.

Talk, don't interrogate.

If he cheated on you then he doesn't respect your relationship, let alone you.

Then he cheated with a girl who works with your best friend? It seems like he has no shame in his game and is making a bigger fool out of you.

I know you might want this relationship to work but it takes two not one. You only been with him for 6 months and your getting a look at his character.

He is cheater and have no shame. He can't even be a man by being honest.

Maybe I have been absent for too long but there wasn't any proof of him cheating. How do you know he cheated? Besides the hear say stuff. I was always told a saying "Believe half of what you see and nothing of what you hear"

Unless you have proof of it, besides your friend, I don't see why you continue to punish him even AFTER taking him back, which essentially means you forgave him

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Maybe I have been absent for too long but there wasn't any proof of him cheating. How do you know he cheated?

---

From my advice, I didn't mention whether he cheated or not. The point is, there is a breach of trust (thus the break up and as shown when the boyfriend is crying and begging to win her back), it doesn't matter if he cheated or not, the OP didn't believe him and broke up at first. So the boyfriend has to earn her trust back (again doesn't matter if he cheated or not).

If the trust isn't there, the relationship is very weak anyway. A potential or rumored "cheating" experience could really shake up the relationship.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by alison2280

My boyfriend of 6 months is just about perfect. He treats me like a queen and is always doing and saying the sweetest things. Its just the type of person he is. I heard from my best friend that my boyfriend is cheating on me with a girl at her work. However he wont admit he. I have talked to this girl also and at first she admitted it and then said she lied. Im sure he called her to tell her to lie. Anyway I refused to speak to him for a few days otherwise I may have killed him. His crying and begging for days and showing up where ever I go I guess got to me and I took him back. I still bring it up and he still swears nothing happened but he dosent care if he has to hear about it as long as he is with me. I went against my better judgment staying with him and after being cheated on by every boyfriend just about, I swore no man would do it again and stick around. I Love my boyfriend and want things to work out with us but I KNOW he cheated I feel it in my head my heart and my gut and being with him isint sitting well with me. BUT I dont want to leave him. Im so confused.

:confused::(

---

The problem with him is: he says and does the sweetest things, BUT, he's doing it to someone else at the same time. He's full of $hit in my book. Who would admit (the girl) to something they didn't do, then change they're story? He's a "player" and you're being "played". Leave him and move along to someone who treats you like a lady. Don't be confused. It's quite clear, he doesn't respect you enough to even come clean. Don't waste any more time on this. If you take him back, it's going to give him a "cheat any time I want" card. Good luck on your search for happiness.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by I wish

From my advice, I didn't mention whether he cheated or not. The point is, there is a breach of trust (thus the break up and as shown when the bf is crying and begging to win her back), it doesn't matter if he cheated or not, the OP didn't believe him and broke up at first. So the bf has to earn her trust back (again doesn't matter if he cheated or not).

If the trust isn't there, the relationship is very weak anyway. A potential or rumored "cheating" experience could really shake up the relationship.

---

She took him back, therefore accepting the breach in trust. She can't continue to hold this above his head, she made the decision to forgive, therefore the topic is dead. You can't take someone back and continue to bring up past arguments, it just won't work. I don't think this relationship was very strong to begin with.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

She took him back, therefore accepting the breach in trust. She can't continue to hold this above his head, she made the decision to forgive, therefore the topic is dead. You can't take someone back and continue to bring up past arguments, it just won't work. I don't think this relationship was very strong to begin with.

---

I completely agree with that assessment. There is a huge contradiction. She took him back, thus implicitely forgiving him. Yet she's still confused. Thus, the reason the OP is on this forum. We just have to set her straight.

alison2280, you got to decide:

1) You take him back because you trust him again or he's making sufficient progress that you don't need to complain about it.

2) You don't think he can earn your trust again, so don't take him back.

This is all on you to decide.

Either be a doormat and allow him to disrespect you when he cheats on you again and again, because he most certainly will now that he knows you will take him back no matter what.

OR

Grow a back bone, quit being scared of being single, kick this sweet talking a-hole the curb, and figure out what you really want in a man instead of jumping from guy to guy.


That is all.

The OP wants her boyfriend to come clean about his cheating ways but it doesn't seems like this is going happen. Even if you had him on camera he is still going say "It wasn't me". I believe this is why it is so hard for her to let it go in order to move pass it.

To the OP your not going get a confession so you have to decide your journey from here.

True, if he has fessed up already, he isn't going to anytime soon.

Question1: I am not seeing any solid evidence he cheated. How do you know he cheated?

Question 2: Sorry. I know it is off from the topic, but I have questions for cheaters in general. (I really like to know. Please kindly help me, guys)

Why do all cheaters cry and beg after cheat? Is it because he cannot leave the #1 girl even though they cheated? Are they hurt when they are rejected by any of the girls he slept with? Or are they simply very emotional and weak to go beyond temptation or breakup? (I will not do anything which will make me cry and beg to someone. I have integrity. I really do not understand.) Anybody? Are guys can sleep around but still have a strong heart for one among the girls? What are they thinking at the moment they cheat on their girl friends back?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by alison2280

...I KNOW he cheated I feel it in my head my heart and my gut and being with him isint sitting well with me. BUT I dont want to leave him. Im so confused.

---

From personal experience, if you believe your partner is a cheater, then he probably is.

You're probably holding on to a shred of hope that he never cheated. Although this could be the case, if he does admit to cheating, hearing it from the horse's mouth will only hurt you even if you're prepared for what you think you are going to hear. All you would get out of knowing this is vindication for your gut-feeling, and if this is your first time going through something like this, that's not a bad thing. That's how I learned.

On the flip-side, if he makes no admission like he has been already, you're still going to believe he's unfaithful. And with all that, you've made absolutely no progress.

You are in quite the pickle.

Go with your gut.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by winding200

Question1: I am not seeing any solid evidence he cheated. How do you know he cheated?

---

Intuition is a pretty good factor, she doesn't seem really concerned or believing that he didn't cheat. That would take some information that may have not been given.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by winding200

Question 2: Sorry. I know it is off from the topic, but I have questions for cheaters in general. (I really like to know. Please kindly help me, guys)

Why do all cheaters cry and beg after cheat? Is it because he cannot leave the #1 girl even though they cheated? Are they hurt when they are rejected by any of the girls he slept with? Or are they simply very emotional and weak to go beyond temptation or breakup? (I will not do anything which will make me cry and beg to someone. I have integrity. I really do not understand.) Anybody? Are guys can sleep around but still have a strong heart for one among the girls? What are they thinking at the moment they cheat on their girl friends back?

---

You need to start you own thread in discussions, this isn't the place to find your answers.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by alison2280

My boyfriend of 6 months is just about perfect. He treats me like a queen and is always doing and saying the sweetest things. Its just the type of person he is. I heard from my best friend that my boyfriend is cheating on me with a girl at her work. However he wont admit he. I have talked to this girl also and at first she admitted it and then said she lied. Im sure he called her to tell her to lie. Anyway I refused to speak to him for a few days otherwise I may have killed him. His crying and begging for days and showing up where ever I go I guess got to me and I took him back. I still bring it up and he still swears nothing happened but he dosent care if he has to hear about it as long as he is with me. I went against my better judgment staying with him and after being cheated on by every boyfriend just about, I swore no man would do it again and stick around. I Love my boyfriend and want things to work out with us but I KNOW he cheated I feel it in my head my heart and my gut and being with him isint sitting well with me. BUT I dont want to leave him. Im so confused.

:confused::(

---

"It's just the type of person he is " No, it's just the type of person HE WANTS YOU TO THINK HE IS. The type of person he REALLY is , is deceptive , dishonest , selfish , far from perfect. If you had a daughter of dating age, would you want her to be treated this way?

Chances are he's having sex with this other girl. Do you want to share your man?

Winding200 the questions you posted regarding cheaters have already been asked in a number of "why do cheaters cheat" threads.

The thing is that only a cheater can answers those questions and don't expect any straight answers.