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In October 2004, I met a guy at university and I havent been the same person since. I completely adore him and I can't think of anything I wouldn't do for him. He doesnt feel quite as strongly back though.
We have been dating on and off for around a year and it is always him who does the dumping and re-initiating. When we break up, it's because 'we get on too well and it's freaking him out' and when we get back together it's because 'he misses me and can't live without me'.
He is a complete commitment-phobe and seems happiest when we are hanging out, being loved-up but without the girlfriend/boyfriend label. I however would love to be his proper girlfriend again.
Altogether, he has dumped me five times and we are not officially back together at the moment (but casually sleeping together). The first time he broke up with me was to see whether he could get anyone better than me, the second because he did actually find someone better (it didn't last because she was pretty but deadly boring), the final three times because he was freaked out about committing to one person.
My self-esteem is on the decline because of this constant blowing hot and cold, and I never know where I stand. I feel as though he is ashamed of me or that I am inadequate. I am miserable without him, but miserable with him.
I feel sorry for you, do not let him do this to you; anymore move on please, you will only miserable with out him for a little while. You said it your self “My self-esteem is on the decline because of this constant blowing hot and cold” if he is dragging you down drop him. There are other people out there for you. Be positive talk to your friends parents siblings see what they think. I hope this was in some way helpful to you, and good luck, Donna
Please forgive me for saying because it's gonna sound a bit harsh. Casually sleeping with this guy without a committment is kinda like being an unpaid whore. Think about it, you give what is expected, what is wanted, what is not is rejected and there is no money involved.
I know nothing would please you more than to have a lasting and serious relationship with this guy but that's not what he's offering you. You are not a yo-yo to be pushed away and reeled in at his will. Let me ask you, would you introduce your daughter to a man like that? "Here honey, here's this guy who wants to hang out with you and do you but will give you nothing in return..." I would imagine not.
If you want others to respect you, you must respect yourself first. Taking anyone back five times is a joke!
I promise you that if you move on and don't look back, no matter what, you will find someone who is willing to give you everything. Someone who has the same desires you do and see's and loves what you have to give.
It's hard. Yeah, so what. Anything is easier said than done. Brushing your teeth is easier said than done but it must be done if you don't want your teeth to fall out right, it just requires effort. Everytime you think of taking this guy back repeat to yourself outloud, "Taking him back means taking 10 steps backwards in my life and wasting more of my precious time." Taking him back puts you that much farther away from the man who is waiting to commit to you without requiring you remove your underwear first.
At this point, I'd back off and let him be alone for a while so he can think things over. Get out with new friends or contact some old ones. Start dating some other men. So far he's been in complete control of this relationship and everything's been on-again, off-again at his conveinience.Above all, no more "casual sleeping together." He gets no more "action" until he's made a real committment to you. Ever hear the old saying "Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?" Unfortunately this is a classic example of just that sort of thing. You need to take back your power in this whole situation. Make him miss you and want to pursue you. I think that if you become a little more aloof towards him you'll find him paying much more attention to you. Then the ball will be in your court and you'll have the power which is what you want. Good luck!
One more vote for dumping the selfish boy. Dump him to look for a bf, dump him again when you find a better bf, dump him 3 more times just b/c. Seriously, you appear to be young and still in univ and meeting young man of your dream shouldn't be that hard. Well, it can be hard but trying is half the fun, no?
Hi,
He has "dumped" you 5 times??
"Casually sleeping together?"
You must really like this person, or be in love with him. Love "blinds" people sometimes, because I have been there and done that! At 63, married 28 yrs, I can look back and see where this happened to me many yrs. ago.
Look at the first two sentences.
This guy is only out for sex with you. I do hope you will can begin to recover from him, and maybe meet some new men. Talking with others is the best way to being "healing" from him.
You don't need him, and I sincerely hope you will stop seeing him, don't communicate with him at all.
It takes some time, but eventually you will meet a man who respects you, cares for you, and wants to please you (not himself all the time). I do wish you the best, and please start looking elsewhere, and time will help you get over him.
I'm finding it really difficult to take everyone's advice. His father died when he was about 16 and he has said he finds it hard to bond with people for fear of losing them. But on the other hand he has said that he doesn't want to get to 45, look back and realise he wasted his youth by spending it with me. I have tried speaking to him about everything, but he just changes the subject and makes a joke out of everything. I am there for him through everything, but he doesn't want to know.
It hurts so much. The university I attend is tiny and I see him everywhere. I get on well with his friends and they think I'm weird if I blank him, then talk to him on and off all of the time. I am pretty easy to get along with, but I find myself getting angry with him and he doesn't understand why.
I'm finding it really difficult to take everyone's advice. His father died when he was about 16 and he has said he finds it hard to bond with people for fear of losing them. But on the other hand he has said that he doesn't want to get to 45, look back and realise he wasted his youth by spending it with me. I have tried speaking to him about everything, but he just changes the subject and makes a joke out of everything. I am there for him through everything, but he doesn't want to know.
It hurts so much. The university I attend is tiny and I see him everywhere. I get on well with his friends and they think I'm weird if I blank him, then talk to him on and off all of the time. I am pretty easy to get along with, but I find myself getting angry with him and he doesn't understand why.
I'm completely lost.
I hate to say this but what kind of self esteem do you have? Do you love yourself well enough? You let him treat you like a rag & you still want him? C'mon, you can do better than that. The first thing to loving someone is loving yourself first. I learned that the hard way. When you want to be respected, respect yourself first. Let him treat you the way you want to be treated. When he knows he can just throw you aside like a ragdoll, he will. And men do not want pathetic women to begin with. There is beauty in strength, missy. When you can stand on your own two feet & not depend on a man for your happiness, that is when you really feel free. So, do yourself a favor & forget about this commitment phobic jerk who will just make your life miserable.
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