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aja17 · Nov 29, 2008, 10:03 AM

I was with my boyfriend for about a year and 3 months. We have been through so many ups and downs... mostly downs. He hurt me a lot but I still love him very much. He broke up with me a few weeks ago and I just didn't want to let go (even though I know that's wrong and would probably make him hate me more). I love him more than anything. I thought there was just something I was doing to make him unhappy so I told him a few days ago that I love him and I would do whatever it takes to make things work. He made it quite clear that he didn't want to be with me and said horrible things to me. I just don't understand what I did to deserve any of this. He has broke up with me a few times before but we have always gotten back together very quickly. He would say a lot of things to me and then claim he didn't actually feel that way. I could never tell if what he said was actually how he felt. Anyway, after that night I didn't call him again... but he has called me a few times. I haven't answered his calls. I'm just wondering what this means. Does he miss me? Or Does he just want to torture me? :confused:Please help.

JohnD212 · Nov 29, 2008, 10:11 AM

"He hurt me a lot but I still love him very much. I love him more than anything."

Re-read this line that you wrote. Now think about it. Do you see the problem in your thinking?? I sure hope you do.

He hurts you because you let him. No contact. Do not speak to him. You both need to heal on your own. You will only feel as much pain as you allow him to inflict on you with each call. Until you withdraw and focus only on you... you will continue this back and forth.. and so will he. This is highly unhealthy for your emotional state.

Re-read that top quote from you a few times and really figure out why you have two major conflicting thoughts running around in your head.

wildandblue · Nov 29, 2008, 10:13 AM

Well I'm leaning toward the torture theory. He wants to hear how desperate you are without him, so he can reject you some more. It's a power trip for him. Usually people who are like this have very little real power or control over things in their life so they get a kick out of bullying weaker people or nice people like you. Just drop him entirely and don't look back, you don't deserve this. Find someone who loves you back instead of someone on an ego trip.

talaniman · Nov 29, 2008, 10:50 AM

He is just as caught up in this vicious, unhealthy cycle, as you are.

One of you will have to be smart enough to end this cycle, or you will both keep suffering.

It may as well be you!

aja17 · Nov 29, 2008, 07:06 PM

I completely agree with all of you. He called me again and left me a message sounding pretty miserable. He said that he knows I'm mad at him and that I hate him and he just wants to know what's going on and what I've been doing. He doesn't understand why I don't want to talk to him about other stuff (not about our relationship/breakup). He clearly wants to torture me and doesn't get it. It's possible that he wants to be friends but I can't be friends with him because I won't be able to get over him. It seems to me that he just wants me to be in his life and have feelings for him just because it makes him feel good and he can make me miserable while he dates other people. Not going to happen. Thank you all for your help.