My heart has been broken and I find comfort reading posts about similar break up stories. I figure I'll post about my own break up story and get some feedback from you guys. Here it is ...
My boyfriend (now ex) and I have been dating for 1 and 1/2 year and I thought that he was the love of my life. We were happy together and even though we had our ups and downs, we always found a way to reconcile and be happy again. I felt we were two of the luckiest people because we found love. People who knew us as a couple were always commenting that they're hearing wedding bells. I believed them and started bringing up marriage, kids, etc. We were planning our future together and I thought he was at a point in his life where he was ready too (he's 32, I'm 29).
Well, I'm currently in school and I have to do rotations at another state this year, which means that he and I have to do long distance for about a year. I left him a month ago but we promised each other we'd call everyday and visit often. He cried when he dropped me off at the aiport and our farewell was sweet. A month had gone by and LDR is hard but we called everyday and all seemed well. About 2 weeks ago, he was supposed to visit me. He called me an hour before he was supposed to leave to the airport and told me he wasn't coming anymore. He sounded a little panicky. He told me he was breaking up with me because he didn't think it would work out. He told me he's not ready for marriage, and it would be unfair to string me along for another year. He wished me well and told me I should date other people and be with someone who can give me what I want. I was devastated. The call came out of nowhere, when just the day before, everything seemed normal between us. I begged him to come anyway since his plane ticket was set and ready and we could discuss this in person. But he refused, saying that "it will complicate things."
Needless to say, I was shocked, hurt and confused. I called him later that night and asked him to explain his change of heart. He told me it wasn't me; it was him. At first I thought it was just a BS line he was using to spare my feelings. But then he explained more and he told me that he has always gotten cold feet after dating a girl for more than a year (he's had 10 girlfriends before me, each relationship lasting for about a year or two). He knew that the topic of marriage would come up and he'd feel pressured to get married, which he wasn't ready for. His parents are divorced and he told me he didn't want to go through the same thing. He told me I'm the best girlfriend he ever had but he's still not ready to settle down. He told me that he might regret his decision one day because he was letting go the best thing in his life right now.
It's been more than 2 weeks now, and even though the shock has subsided, my heart is still breaking. I still love him and hope he'd change his mind one day. I know it's best to cut all contacts with him at this point but I caved and called him a few times during the first week after our break up. Our conversations had sounded normal, as if we were us again, but he was still resolute in his decision and it hurts me to talk to him when he no longer wants to be with me. So I'm trying really hard not to call anymore and to try to move on with my life. It helps that I'm at a new place and are meeting new friends, but I still miss him terribly and it makes me sad that things ended the way they did. I felt so blindsighted. I didn't know he had so much doubts about our relationship. He has been pretending that he was happy. Either that, or I have been so naive to not realize he was unhappy and was looking for a way out these past few months.
Thanks for reading ... Any pearl of wisdom or suggestion would be greatly appreciated.
He cut you from his life to move on and enjoy himself, and so should you.
Checking up on someone is the worst way to move on in the world, so he actually did you a favor. Take the hint, and return the favor, and stop playing silly games on the net with him.
trust me hon, i have been thru this. my daughters father left us when she was 2 months old (she is 5 now) and a few years ago i was always checking on myspace to 'check up on him'
untill one day i find out he updated for the first time in months. he was getting married. had a house. (you know the type, the little house with a white picket fence and a dog) his new fiance was meeting his family (which i never did, after 7 YEARS of being engaged!!)
it just causes more heart ache in the end to keep tabs on your ex. move on. forget him.
This person is an ex. You were really not going NC, because if you were you would not have continued to go on facebook to check things out. He did the right thing by deleting you from his facebook. He Should have done it 6 weeks ago, and you should not have kept checking out his profile because it just kept delaying the inevitable and delay you learning to moving on.
Forgiveness for what? Why do you feel it should have been up to you to delete it?
You would not have been devastated if you were really in NC, and not actually checking in with the facebook all the time to keep an eye on him.
I broke up with her purely for the fact I'm not ready to commit longterm. We've been dating a year and were in each other pockets all the time. She was the first girl I was with sexually aswell so it always played on my mind what else is out there. I havent had the fun of a single life like she has. So in my mind I'm not mature enough to stay in the relationship. I have to grow as a person before I can even think about making a longterm commitment to anyone.
The fact she's only 17 aswell and i'm 22. She hasent even been out clubbing with her friends yet and experienced life in that respect. She is quite immature in alot of ways as she puts up silly messages on her msn such as " "guys name" loves me haha" I mean its obvious she's trying to make me jealous. But i'm 22 i know that game. She is just solidifying the reasons why this cant work at this point in our lives.
My ex has just done the same thing adn I am gutted. he broke up with me because he was going through some psychological issues (with work) and HE was the one who pushed for us to still be friends......I stopped contacting him after awhile because he told me it was too early for contact and then he went and did this....The thing that gets me is, its the biggest slap in the face, I was there for him waited 6months while he was OS and I never did anything. Plus he has like 300friends so to go and pinpoint one out is a fair bit of an effort. He has everyother ex on his fbook...
Trus me, he is a loser and he has done this to hurt u, its the only reason why.....dont let him get to u
Facebook is definitely the devil - I didn't even check my ex's profile but it poped up in the side that he was in a new relationship yesterday - Kind of good to know so its not a shock when I run into him -but we only broke up 4 months ago.
I want to delete him but can't bring myself to do it - so i did a few other things. I hid his news feed so it doesn't pop up anymore - i blocked his new gf so that I dont have to see pics of them together or what she is posting on his wall. I also hid the news feed of some of my close friends that still hang out with him, so I don't see their stuff pop up either. Now I'm just only checking facebook if someone writes on my wall.
I need a facebook hiatus -and sounds like there are some other ppl that do too! Go outside and enjoy the summer instead of checking facebook - maybe we will even make some new friends that way You can add them as friends to your facebook later haha.
My ex (of 1.5 years) broke up with me 3 months ago because of his commitment issues and personal problems (so he said at the time). He gave me the whole, "It's not you, it's me" talk. He sounded so sincere and I believed him. Even though the break up was devastating to me, I'd say it was still amicable. We talked a few times afterwards and we ended on a good note overall. I did NC and was getting over him little by little. About a month ago I found out that he had already been seeing another girl IMMEDIATELY after we broke up and now he's in a "serious relationship" with her. It hurt like heck and I really wanted to confront him but I decided that it wasn't worth it. I didn't want to backslide and I figure that all I would get are excuses and it wouldn't change the fact that we're not together anymore.
So I'm in another state right now and I had all of my things in his house before I moved out here. A few weeks ago, he asked me if he could move my things out. We talked on the phone for the first time after a month of NC. He sounded very short and impatient with me. I was taken back by his change of attitude -- I didn't feel like I deserved any of it. I felt that he could have been more sympathetic since he was the one kicking me to the curb, but he was rude and cold the whole time. The whole convo afterwards gave me a bad feeling and I resolved never to talk to him on the phone again. It just made getting over him that much easier! I agreed to have my things out but since I wasn't there, I gave him my friend's address at which he could drop them off. When he did dropped off my things a week later, he brought his new girlfriend with him! I heard it from my friend. I felt so hurt because he lied to me and now he was parading his new gf. He didn't care about how it would affect me in case I find out! Again, I wanted to confront him and expose his lies but all my friends adviced me not to because it would only give him the satisfaction that I still cared.
It's been a few weeks since the incident and I feel like I'm truly in a better place now. I'm starting to date again and I feel so much happier than I have been since my break up. But today I got a message from Facebook that my ex had commented on a photo of me. I was suprised to get the message because my ex had deleted me from Facebook and I know that he deleted all pictures of me on his page. I clicked on the message, and I saw that it was a picture from one of our mutual friend's photo albums. It was an old picture of the two of us, and on the bottom of the pic, my friend had wrote, "Cute couple." My ex today made a comment on that picture before untagging himself: "Not any more!!!" I was surprised to see that. It's low and uncalled for.
What the heck is he thinking?? Why is he being vindictive to me? We ended on an amicable note and during the time that we were together, I was a good gf to him. I treated him well and I never did anything to hurt him intentionally. He's 32 but he's acting like a 15 year old. I feel like he's out to hurt me again and again, as if he hasn't done enough. I'm erasing him from my life. I wish him and his new gf the best but I don't want them in my life. I'm moving on.
My ex (of 1.5 years) broke up with me 3 months ago because of his commitment issues and personal problems (so he said at the time). He gave me the whole, "It's not you, it's me" talk. He sounded so sincere and I believed him. Even though the break up was devastating to me, I'd say it was still amicable. We talked a few times afterwards and we ended on a good note overall. I did NC and was getting over him little by little. About a month ago I found out that he had already been seeing another girl IMMEDIATELY after we broke up and now he's in a "serious relationship" with her. It hurt like heck and I really wanted to confront him but I decided that it wasn't worth it. I didn't want to backslide and I figure that all I would get are excuses and it wouldn't change the fact that we're not together anymore.
It's good you held back. No need to confront him- you'll be wasting your breath. Obviously he already had an eye out for the ladies while you were dating and used a sappy excuse to break it off with you. Good thing he's the other girl's problem now.
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So I'm in another state right now and I had all of my things in his house before I moved out here. A few weeks ago, he asked me if he could move my things out. We talked on the phone for the first time after a month of NC. He sounded very short and impatient with me. I was taken back by his change of attitude -- I didn't feel like I deserved any of it. I felt that he could have been more sympathetic since he was the one kicking me to the curb, but he was rude and cold the whole time. The whole convo afterwards gave me a bad feeling and I resolved never to talk to him on the phone again. It just made getting over him that much easier! I agreed to have my things out but since I wasn't there, I gave him my friend's address at which he could drop them off. When he did dropped off my things a week later, he brought his new girlfriend with him! I heard it from my friend. I felt so hurt because he lied to me and now he was parading his new gf. He didn't care about how it would affect me in case I find out! Again, I wanted to confront him and expose his lies but all my friends adviced me not to because it would only give him the satisfaction that I still cared.
Well of course he was going to bring his new girlfriend. One it's his new girlfriend and two he knows your friend is going to tell you and he knows it's going to bother you. GOOD think you didn't say anything. Right now he probably thinks that your over him and his little childish games don't work on you. Keep ignoring the jerk. He's a dummy.
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It's been a few weeks since the incident and I feel like I'm truly in a better place now. I'm starting to date again and I feel so much happier than I have been since my break up. But today I got a message from Facebook that my ex had commented on a photo of me. I was suprised to get the message because my ex had deleted me from Facebook and I know that he deleted all pictures of me on his page. I clicked on the message, and I saw that it was a picture from one of our mutual friend's photo albums. It was an old picture of the two of us, and on the bottom of the pic, my friend had wrote, "Cute couple." My ex today made a comment on that picture before untagging himself: "Not any more!!!" I was surprised to see that. It's low and uncalled for.
It's not as bad as you think it is. I would untag myself too if I had a new flame. His comment was childish but hey looks like he's the one hurting, maybe having him think that you don't really care is making him do all these retarded things just to get your attention.
Don't confront him. Ignore him. Block him on facebook so he can never see you nor you can never see him again. It's not a big deal. He's being a big baby about this whole thing. Look you said it your in a better place now, your dating and feeling happier! Don't let this killjoy kill your joy.
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What the heck is he thinking?? Why is he being vindictive to me? We ended on an amicable note and during the time that we were together, I was a good gf to him. I treated him well and I never did anything to hurt him intentionally. He's 32 but he's acting like a 15 year old. I feel like he's out to hurt me again and again, as if he hasn't done enough. I'm erasing him from my life. I wish him and his new gf the best but I don't want them in my life. I'm moving on.
Awesome! Your moving on. See you had it all figured out yourself. Your smart actually, you haven't confronted him and made a fool out of yourself, you chose to ignore his little remarks and such.
Keep moving on. Block his number. Block him on social networking sites. There is no use in being friends with him or even trying to make the peace. Walk away.
Greenhaven,
He did not love you as much you assume, and he broke up with you to see another girl. Stop letting him to hurt you. You are a nice person who made the break up amicable, but he does not even appreciate your effort. He has no consideration for you, and has no intention to come back to you. Leave him alone to keep living like a jerk.
It does not matter what you say, what you talk anymore. Thank god, you found out the 'real person' in him before you wasted too many years, and move on.
Do not look back. It is not worth to think about him, or think about the possibility to going back together. Why do you want to be with the jerk and get hurt? Spend your time and energy for better person who deserve you. Cheers!
You can add them as friends to your facebook later haha.
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