I'm not actually sure who has broken up with who at this stage but this is how my story goes. Was with my ex for just under 6 years - some of the time I was away at Uni but always we were a very very close couple. He really adored me and would have done anything for me. Last year we moved in together for the first time and everything seemed great - I thought I had my dream life.

About 6 months ago he became weird, saying he wasn't sure about us any more and unable to give me firm reasons for his doubts, saying at one point that he wasn't sure he loved me enough - we broke up 5 months ago and it was initially him who suggested we take some time apart and then I said, look lets accept that it was over and move on - whilst it wasn't what I wanted I thought life is too short for messing about! So the next day he came to our apartment to sort out what we were going to do - I was all business, had made a list of things to sort out and kept busy attending to them - he couldn't really talk and burst into tears - he kept saying that he could not believe it was over and that he felt he had lost me forever.

I was really confused and the day ended with us saying he would move out and we would take a break for a few months. Over that few months I struggled a lot with living on my own in our place - had to stay there until the lease ran out. He did contact me online in the evenings which he says he did as he knew I was alone and it was hard. Anyway, lots of little meetings and rows happened until eventually I pushed him to tell me what was going on about two months ago - it turned out he had slept with an ex girlfriend when intoxicated just two weeks before we moved in together and he claimed that the guilt was killing him and that he knew I deserved better. He said that he never felt he would have the courage to tell me and that he knew I would be broken by it. He had a history of depression and also a lot of insecurities about whether people liked him and I knew that he had been supportive as a friend to his ex-girlfriend after her engagement had broken up.

Anyway, he said that it was a once off which he regretted every day since and that he felt it was something he couldn't keep from me forever if we had gone on to get engaged, married etc. I immediately wanted to just go to counseling and to try and work things out - he was more distant and kept saying that we needed time. We tried briefly to get back together but I could see that his heart was not in it - every time that I looked at him I could see guilt in his eyes. We have agreed to no contact and I have told him there is no hope of a future for us unless that some day he is strong enough to show me he is really sorry and has dealt with the guilt. He has told me he is sorry lots of time but when he expresses emotion I don't believe it - even when he says he is sad it all appears to be numb.

What do people think? I miss him like crazy but don't want to be a door mat. It's a very sad situation - he said the act lasted about 10 seconds before he told her no it was me he loved but he can't move past it at all.

I am not certain he would ever be able to 'show' you he is sorry for cheating. He can show you that he has learned not to make the same mistake again by not getting drunk and putting himself in a compromising situation. However, asking for more than that is punishing him and keeping the event alive in both of your minds.

I am not saying you should forget what happened. I do think you should see it as a warning sign. I do think if you are going to try to stay in a relationship with him, you need to forgive him enough to allow trust to re-grow.

If it were me, I would be letting it all go and moving on with my life. Allowing myself to heal not only from the cheating but his actions afterward as he tried to protect himself. I know I would be very angry, frustrated and hurt. It would take me time on my own without any contact with him to get my head cleared of the negatives and be ready to even think about letting trust build back up. Contact for me would keep the confusion alive and I wouldn't be able to know what I really want.

I wonder if he is confused about what he wants. The guilt now may not be over cheating but over wanting to let go and move on. It may be time for both of you to let go and take time for yourselves without any pressure or hope of working things out.

Loving someone does not mean you are meant to be in a relationship together. It sometimes means you learn from them and let them go.

I think you leave each other alone and stop dragging things out. Only then will you get over each other and at least heal. Only after a proper healing will either of you know what's best for you.

All I see are to people to hurt to decide what needs to be done.

Let him go. More for his sake, than yours, but you need time, and space too.

You had been together nearly 6 years ,that's a long time,so you had to have had something going for you.Yes the guy has made a mistake whilst being drunk,he shouldn't have but sadly it happens,it's doesn't mean he feels any the less for you... it's just sex.. not making love, and there is a difference.

He moved out because of what he had done not able to tell you about it, knowing how it would hurt you,even though it was painful for him to go, he said you deserve some one better, hoping that you could forgive him.

He has apologized over and over but you don't believe him,so what else is he supposed to do.Every time you argue no doubt you have thrown it in his face, deservedly so, but not on a continual basic.

He cannot live with you constantly reminding him of what has happened and you cannot live with him because you will not accept his apology... end of story.

If you really truthfully want to be together,put it behind you,don't mention it again,accept that he means it when he says he is sorry,instead of crucifying him over and over.

You need to leave this in the past where it belongs and move forward if you really want to be together.

Well I see this differently. If you were willing to forgive him, get counseling and make a way for your relationship to work and he STILL walked away, then he was already done with the relationship. As painful as the cheating was, it was an easier excuse than saying, after six years, I don't want to be with you anymore. If he wanted the relationship, he would be there talking the chance that you gave him to work on it. He would be trying to show you everyday that yes he made a mistake, and he knows it and he is going to fight for you. The fact that he was able to cheat says that on some level he was disconnected from the relationship, and he took the door he opened and used it to walk out.

I would cut him off. If he wants to sunk and feel guilty, let him do it alone. He EARNED it. You could be spending this time healing, finding an activity that you love, or spending time with friends. Instead you are coddling him for his bad behavior and hoping that he changes his mind and comes back to work on it. HE CHEATED, and you are the one waiting for him? How did that happen? I'm sorry this happened to you, but it seems that he wasn't as invested in the relationship as you are. It will take time, but I think its best to let go of this relationship.