He broke up but never left!
Asked Jun 22, 2007, 10:02 AM
The 19th of may my love for almost 3 years...burst out that he wanted to break up...and I was speechless...I still am...I had a job starting on june 18th but I never called nor showed up...I am currently on welfare because my life is such in a mess...I can't think straight ever since...I missed something? How did he come to this decision without ever speaking his pain? I doubt myself and being around him makes me paranoid...
And that's NOT the worst of it all...HE STILL LIVES HERE!...he has "our" room and I sleep in my son's room (cause my son left (he is 18) to his father's to my request since he and my ex do NOT get along!)
At first my ex was a 100% sure when I asked him if breaking up was really what he wanted...But all his attempt to move failed...he just can't afford living alone (rents are too expensive)...so he says...so he looked for rooms and even there he failed all attempts to become someone's roommate...he was suppose to leave on the 17th but him being without money, we then decided he could wait for his money to come from an ex employer...and that came in yesterday...and all he was thinking of is to spend it on w**d...O_o ?
What I don't get is that his plan seems to have changed and I'm not even sure if he is going to move in July...he asked me to 'wait' for him but in the meantime what's REALLY confusing me is that he started using my pet name again and being affectuous and loving...like nothing happened...I can't seem to push him away but the anxiety is raising in me and I'm feeling helpless before him...like my futur depends on him...
I wrote to him today (he is at work all day) to his private email...yea cause you see he doesn't like to be confronted...so I found the only way to communicate is through emails...even if we see each other everyday and spent all our evenings together we never 'speak' about the REAL STUFF!
Now if I ask myself if I still want/love him I'll be honest and say...I have no idea...
Should I just forget about all this mess and move on despite the fact that he is still here?
I was ready to date again 3 weeks after our breakup...meeting new people (not for sex) to go out...being less with him... I wanted to give him room to grow and move...but he doesn't want that...and I'm still doing what he wants...I am waiting for him...to say he made a mistake and that he wants me back...but instead we live like the couple we were but it's all wrong now...I feel I am being used (cause we still have sex) until the next breakup!
I don't feel better writing all this (and I probably won't feel better once he reads my email)...but at least if someone is reading this and has a better flashlight then mines, please point it my way?