I work with this woman who is married, we get along very well. We are both well aware that we both have a significant other. We don't have alot of t ime to actually stop and talk so we try and do the phone thing while she drives home after work. A few days ago we expressed to eachother we need sometime alone to talk and enjoy eachothers company, we decided on the zoo. I have never been good at reading women and was curious if she may have stronger feelings than just a casual friend. I don't want to make a fool of myself and believe this is something it is not. What is your opinion?
You have already made a fool of yourself by talking to her on the phone instead of going home to your significant other like you are suppoe to be.
And you and her are not free to have other feelings or meeting at the zoo unless you are bringing your family with you for a group outing.
So what you need to do is stop calling and talking to her on the phone, and spend your time building your relationship at home. Or leave the one at home first and still not see someone with another person but wait for them also to leave the one they are with.
Having affairs is not something any person should do.
It's hard to say in this case. I don't think there's any easy way of predicting what her feelings are based on this info. What about your own feelings? You state that you both have a "significant other." What exactly does that mean? Spouse? Fiance(e)? Boy/girlfriend? It all pretty much hinges on how committed you each are to your current "significant others" and what you're willing to risk.
This woman is married. Maybe she does not value her committment to her husband, but you should be honoring your committment to your "significant other" and leave this other woman just where she belongs - at work, being your co-worker.
I would ditch the little trip to zoo, unless you were going to bring your significant other and this other woman was bringing her husband. There is no good that can come of you two doing this by yourselves. You have an intent that is not honorable. That is pretty clear to read. Stop now before you do something that will definitely make you the fool in the eyes of others. Take the high ground on this. This woman can be your friend with boundaries.
You are both being foolish and stupid for trying to covertly do something you both know is wrong. If it has to be hidden its wrong. You both are out of bounds so leave that extra stuff alone. Take your significant other to the zoo. I doubt if you will get anyone here to give you the okay to cheat, which is what your looking for.
Ok for fear of upsetting all other responses , it might just help ,i did what you did only our relationship started on a work trip to NY, it was the most fab trip of my life and being with a man i had watched from afar for years was amazing. I did love my now ex husband but the old cliche " not in that way" I walked away from an 11 year relationship and am now a year on still in the first throws of divorce. The ONLY thing i regret and will always punish myself for is the pain i caused my children in breaking their " perfect little family apart". Sadly whilst my relationship with this man is more on off than a yoyo ( he is older than i by 13 yrs and has issues with this) he still goes home to his wife each weekend, he works away during the week. I thought at the time that all would be great and life would very easily move on FORGET IT if you choose this route prepare your self for the roller coaster of a lifetime - it will be the most engulfing, emotional, deep, draining not too mention expensive trip of your life.I lost all my friends very quickly ,his family disappeared off the face of the earth that is hard for my children as they adored their cousins and are now not allowed to associate with them.My house used to be the buzzing family meeting place and sadly is now very quiet as nobody wishes to " pop round" Life is hard we all have choices just be AWARE of the consequences! i am well aware how hard it is walk away when you have feelings of strength for someone whilst i do not ever regret what i have experienced, i wake some mornings look at my son and realise just how selfish i have been and maybe if i had just addressed the issues in my marriage i would not have looked elsewhere. But then hind sight is a wonderful tool and what will be will be Just be Prepared!
Everyone throw values and religion into the scenario, well let me throw it back for a min. I wonder why is it the right thing to walk away, is it so wrong to think maybe this is the right thing. This is not about sex, having a night of passion or adventure. God knows all, God has a plan for us all. I ask then why do you deny Gods plan? Is it so unrational to believe God placed this woman in my life for a reason other than betrayal? Because two people are married or engaged does this mean God has spoken and your life is complete now? People jump into marriege like jumping into debt, it looks or seems good at the time and then we see it was a mistake. What about all the love stories centuries ago of brave common soldiers who fall deeply in love with the queen, do we not engulf ourselves in wonder and maybe even a little envy of such a love stories? or does it just make for a good movie? I agree going behind a wife or husbands back to find pleasure is wrong but when you have true intentions how do you know this is not "God's plan" everyone speaks of? It is so easy to say he/she was brutally killed because it was all part of the "plan" or you lost everything but dont worry it was his plan things will work out. I ask then why are you so quick to debunk what may be his plan?
If your intentions aren't betrayal - then it should not be an issue to be honest with your significant other and her husband.
As far as God - "Thou shall not commit adultery" Exodus 20 verses 1-17 - look it up
You speak as if you are sin free, I find it amuzing that you can throw out bible verses and commandments but I recall The Bible says that we should not judge one another, you have no clue what God wants and why things happen. You make excuses to suit your needs and life, Thou shalt not kill, but we cheer those soldiers who kill in the name of our country. Don't preach unless you can walk on water and raise the dead.
I work with this woman who is married, we get along very well. We are both well aware that we both have a significant other. We don't have alot of t ime to actually stop and talk so we try and do the phone thing while she drives home after work. A few days ago we expressed to eachother we need sometime alone to talk and enjoy eachothers company, we decided on the zoo. I have never been good at reading women and was curious if she may have stronger feelings than just a casual friend. I don't want to make a fool of myself and believe this is something it is not. What is your opinion?
Let's just put the religion aside. I'm a Christian, but I don't believe in shoving my faith into other people's throats because I hate when religious people try to do that to me. So what you need to do is decide on what you think is right and wrong. It's your life, so you decide whether you want to pursue this or not. If you really want my opinion (I'm assuming you do otherwise you wouldn't have posted this), then I think you guys should just be friends, nothing more. I mean, think about how it is for her husband. It all goes back to the golden rule that I learned in elementary school, "Treat others exactly the way you wanted to be treated by them." What if your significant other cheated on you? You need some thinking time.
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