Okay, so based on my past questions, I'm sure most of you already know me. So I have been going out.. Or have been in a serious relationship with this really NICE guy for a year now. Lately, it has been getting pretty boring (sexually, mentally, etc). We have been fighting more often... Mainly because I keep seeing things in him that are starting to bug me so much. Things that were not such a big deal before - but now, it is really turning me off. (TAKE NOTE: I have been feeling this way even before I cheated) It's a little sensitive, but his family has some financial issues, and as the eldest son, he works and works to provide for his dad & 3 younger sisters. I found it very responsible and nice at first, but now that we're getting serious.. It's starting to really bug me since I do not foresee him to be able to save up for our marriage, our future house, etc at the rate he is going. He is forced to pay the electric bill, the house rent, food, etc because his dead beat Dad keeps spending money elsewhere (we still cannot figure out if the dad has a mistress on the side that he is supporting our what.) Anyway, for months, I have been trying my best to put everything at the back of my mind. I would always keep my mouth shut just so we would not fight about their financial situation and I know that it is a touchy subject. When he would ask me for advice, I tried to give him my 2 cents on the matter - on how I felt his family was abusing him. His two younger sisters already have job, but 90% of the bills/expenses come from my BF's hard earned money. IT'S too much already. They are literally mooching off him and depending on him for everything. I told him just that, but he got TOTALLY defensive. Ever since then I decided to shut up about it. About 2 months ago, I got re-located to another department, which is like 45 minutes away from my original office. Naturally, I was a new face (and may I say I am not at all ugly - or so guys tell me I'm pretty hot -- Hehehe.. Just so you guys get the picture).. So anyway, I was a pretty hot topic and head turner at my new office location. This one guy who I was told was "into me" and was asking about me - was introduced to me by one of new colleagues. This guys kept on trying to make conversation with me by saying "Wow you're doing OVERTIME again?".. But I kept ignoring him politely by saying: "Uh, yeah, I have to.." Eventually, the colleague that introduced us started to tease us PUBLICLY. It sort of got to me in a "high school crush" kind of way since this guy was my type. Please take note that I never cheated on my BF for a whole year. This new guy just knew how to push my buttons. The next thing I know, he was buying me lunch, bringing me snacks, helping me with some word processing stuff that was knew to me, etc. I eventually got to talking with him since we both smoke. We would always have our breaks together. I found out from a common friend that he has a 5 year GF, so I naturally avoided him, since I did not want to step on anyone's toes. He knew I had a BF too. So we just became cool, although, there was still A lot of chemistry and SEXUAL TENSION. We both knew we liked each other A lot A lot, but could not do anything about it. One smoke break -- after about a week of trying to JUST BE FRIENDS, we finally 'fessed up to each other's feelings. He told me he really enjoyed spending time with me, I felt the same way. I don't usually connect with guys that easy. I am very snobbish, especially when I know that guys are just trying to mack or hit on me. Anyway... In short... One thing led to another.. And now a month later.. We have both been cheating on our BF/GF. HELP! We are both in that stage where in we do not want to hurt all these people (GF/BF, GF/BF's family & friends) Too many people will get hurt. I guess on my end, I want to make sure he will be worth the risk. He is 5 years older than me by the way, I am 24 years old. My current boyfriend is 3 years older than me. What should I do?

What you should do I break up with your boyfriend regardless of how this works out with your roommate. You stated yourself that you just want to make sure the new crush would be worth the risk. It just shows that you are no longer interested in your current boyfriend so the right thing to do would be to let him go find someone who he will be happy with.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=5581821

Based on the ups and downs and off and ons of this relationship, being single is better than cheating.

If you care about your boyfriend cut it of now! People fall in and out of love allthe time in relationships. Anything you find annoying in your boyfriend you will find in new guy just different issues. This will just confuse yourfeelimgs for boyfriend and soon you will only remember the bad. Starting over isnot always the best solution.

Any clue as to how the new guy really feels about me? I am still unsure.. I want to be sure. It sounds bad.. But who wants to be alone in the end.. right?. What if I take the leap, and my new guy DOES not? :(

I don't think the question is "how does the new guy feel about you", but, instead, "how do you feel about yourself?"

You need to say goodbye to the 'official boyfriend' and 'new guy'. You need to learn who you are and how to make yourself happy. Until you do, you won't find a relationship that gives you anything close to what you want or need.

The new guy is cheating to be with you. If you did end up together, you would then have the trust issue of wondering about any female friends he has and if they are making a play for him or if he is bored and playing around. You are cheating to be with him. Same trust issues in reverse.

There is no "happy ending" for this story.

So you won't break up with your boyfriend until the new guy is secured in your clutches?

This may be the problem with your relationships.

Try being single for a while, find yourself, learn to love yourself. Don't rely on someone else to make you happy and make you feel complete.

It's not fair to your boyfriend, your lover or you.

My ex has the same problems, can't be single. It's impossible for her, so she just cheats from guy to guy.

There is no excuse to cheating or lying, it is just wrong. What feels good sometimes is wrong. My opinion, dump that new guy, tell your boyfriend, and let him decide whether he wants to stay with you or not.

I agree with Paxe... dump the new guy and tell your boyfriend what's been going on. The new guy most likely doesn't want a relationship- he just wants his cake and to eat it too. He's using you.

Clearly you are not willing right now to be in a relationship , since you cheated. People say sometimes oh but I don't know what got over me I was to weak , I find those excuses weak, not them. They know exactly what's going on and what they want. Granted people will change and become different with experience and time and I believe you could be one of those, but for now this is what you want and therefore you should be with neither of them because it isn't fair for anyone here

I know you might say that this is not what you meant to happen and you still care about your BF... but action speak louder than words

One thing that I was tought was that you must follow your heart even if it means breaking someone else's.
This means if you don't want your boyfriend no more, break it. Its your life so no one can tell you what to do its completely up to you

Lojo : I agree with the fact that its you life and you do as you please, however there are certain things that should not be overlooked. You still need to have a good heart and thing of yourself granted, but also consider who you might hurt by acting in a certain way or doing a certain thing. I strongly believe that you should live the best way possible to make you happy and make people around you happy. Thinking of oneself seldom is not good

True but people should think of themselves more than others so yes, if she breaks it, she might be hurting someone, but she is the most important one in all of this and of course she should break it gently and try not to hurt other people but if she does, its not her fault

The problem isn't that she seems unwilling to break up with her boyfriend, but that she wants a safety net for her convenience. One huge problem with that is her current playmate is in a relationship.

Thinking of yourself first is okay to a certain point, however, when that way of thinking leads you into self-destructive behaviors like relationship hopping or using people, then you need to examine the type of person you want to be and have others see.

Have you ever seen Jerry Springer? Love triangles NEVER work and are a source of confusion and pain for everyone involved. My advice would be to cut ties with your current BF. It is not fair to him to have to handle all of his family issues and now the issues that you have thrusted upon him. You are being unfair to yourself by putting yourself in this situation. You had a stable, particularly good relationship, and decided to mess it up by cheating.

The best thing you could have done for everyone is break-up with your current BF, cut him COMPLETELY OUT of your life, and either make something happen with your "lover" or go off on your own.

Only time will tell if this other dude is really into you. You already started on the wrong foot by sleeping with him without being done with your last relationship. Now, what's left to explore?? He got what he wanted, so the challenge of learning who you are is gone. Chances are, if you break-up with your current BF (which right now sounds like you would rather string him along as your security blanket, until you're sure this other guy likes you) you will be equally unsatisfied with this next relationship based upon how it has started already.

Coming from someone who has been used as a security blanket in the past, you need find out what you really want, and find out what makes you happy. Otherwise your going to bounce from guy to guy on your soul search for happiness. It's time to be a mature adult, get your act straight, and get rid of the high school mentality of thinking that life is a fairy tale. It's not. Everyone has their problems. Nobody is perfect. There is no such thing as Prince Charming, or a pumpkin that changes into a stage coach. When something good falls into your lap, you either appreciate it, or more than likely you take it for granted until it goes away.

EDIT: I must have missed the part where this other guy is in a relationship as well... Good luck with that.