Do you ever wonder what your ex's next significant other will be like? I do and it's a really annoying thought. I know my ex will likely be paired off with someone before myself and it hurts me. I am just not in a place to be looking for anyone... but I know he already is. From the behavior he displayed with me I don't think he's ready to be in a relationship despite the fact that he's 36. He is mean, drunk a lot, and doesn't have a real job... but he said to me many times that he is ready to start a family. It almost made me want to laugh... I understand most people want that, I certainly do, but there is a time and place for everything. The thing that worried me with him was his job. He really doesn't have a real job in my mind I was like, damn we are going to struggle if we end up together. I live in boston, pretty pricey here, I was laid off last year, have a new job now, but I don't make much. The difference between he and I is that I have a career, got my masters last year... he has never had a career and it makes me wonder why. He's not stupid... but he is a coach right now and that's all he does. I just wonder how many women in this city would be fine with that. I am SO far from being a golddigger, heck I dated him right? My parents would always complain that he was underemployed. I guess I feel hurt that he dumped me so of course I'm finding his faults. I just wonder what woman will marry him... who will put up with him? He was very nice to me in the beginning... sometimes I wonder if it was to get in my pants or just prove himself to me... but boy does he have a mean streak. I hate myself for giving him more chances... maybe he will meet someone else and be nice to them all the time. Who knows. I guess I have to accept that he and I just did not get along... problem was he came back and used me for sex-that's something he was good at... and like to keep my #'s low so I allowed it. STUPID!!

Am I feelings ridiculous? I have visions of myself punching him in the face.

Sounds like a typical break up to me. Just try not to dwell in those feelings.

Go out. Have fun with friends. You don't have to be looking for a relationship.

Well I am going out with friends this weekend but only because they are in town. Other than that my friends are married and quite honestly lame... they don't go out. I need more single friends! Where does a 31 yr old girl find more single friends!

Work or just make some, strike up a conversation with someone. But be thankful this dude isn't on your hands anymore

He sounds like a jerk,so you're better off without him.

Don't worry about his future partners,pity them if anything.

Be open to making new friends,that works for me.

Join a book group or take a class at a community center. Find a group of people you share an interest with.

You're older than me and you have the same ex boyfriend problems. Actually, I believe that you don't have to give in to him just to keep your numbers low. Just because you can make a guy's toes curl doesn't mean having high numbers is bad. And you asked what woman is going to marry him lol You almost did. But the longer you guys are apart the less you will think about him.

Welll... I didn't almost marry the man. Like I said we only dated 3 months. Did I think about marrying him? Yes and the thought frightened me. I was still however very infatuated with him. I will never confuse that with love again. If you cringe or worry about marrying someone... that's a sign you probably shouldn't be dating them!

Mad is okay, and be glad it didn't get more involved.

If you enjoyed the sex why is it stupid ? Life is so short to always be in your head and focused on future expectations. How can you ever enjoy today with such a backlog of how things 'ought to be' or 'should be' churning around in that mind of yours ?

He may never have a career or obtain a masters degree, but so what ?
I'm sure he'll find someone to love and have a family with and be very happy doing what he enjoys.

He came into your life as a friend and lover, so why not honor that time you shared together and move along to meet someone who meets your stringent criteria ? ;)

Go with a girlfriend to a singles party. I went to one last night with a reluctance and the term 'meat market' came to mind. But actually it was quite a classy affair. I found a lot in common with the people there and have been invited to go sailing and jet skiing and offered a potential job in web design.

Just get out there, keep going and simply look at your recent (3 month relationship) 'fling' as a stepping stone to something greater.

Don't date losers. Good thing it was only 3 months.
In terms of a lifetime, that's a couple seconds.

There's lots of cool people out there. Regardless of prospects.

Be patient & just have fun. Don't look too hard.

Threads merged

I have basically been hung up on someone or over a year. I dated this person in the Fall of 08. I had been dating him for about a month, things were going very well then I found out I was pregnant. Could not believe it. We were both very upset and knew we were not ready to have a baby. I'm not here to be judged... but I terminated the pregnancy at 5 weeks. Shortly after this he ended things with me saying we don't get along. Very upsetting experience.

Long story short, this man never really went away. He would call drunk pretty much every week (I didn't speak to him) stupidly I did see him at one point only to get used. In August he told me he loved me and wanted to make things work. We tried again only to have him end things shortly after. He came back 6 weeks later telling me he couldn't stop thinking about me... we tried again, he ended things after just a few weeks. He says we just don't get along. This was the beginning of Jan and he has come back two more times. The last time I saw him he again said he wanted to work things out and hopes we really can this time. He then tells me that he slept with someone else in nov or jan... he can't remember. He also told me he was dating someone last June (even though he was still calling me) I told him he was still calling me and he denied it. I told him to leave, then told him we can't be in each others lives, then I changed my phone number. I just snapped. The thought of him having sex with other people while he was still calling me/coming back to me was too much to bear even though I had an idea that something like that was going on. I just can't believe what a jerk he turned out to be... he's 36 years old, and he's hurt me so bad. He has basically made me feel like I wasn't good enough to be his girlfriend. He kept telling me he wanted to be in a relationship which hurt more because it's like, well you just don't want one with me. He has online dating profiles so that said to me that he was looking for someone better. He also seemed to be in denial about the fact that he ever got me pregnant... he said once that he snapped when that happened and that is why he ended things with me the first time around... ok but why keep coming back to me? It seemed like he was using me for sex... and it disgusted me that he would do that after what we'd been through. I will never make sense of this situation. He seemed so great in the beginning and I guess I held on to that plus we had been through a traumatic experience... but he just kept moving right along and obviously doesn't care. Why do I feel so hurt by him when he is such a jerk?

Your hurt can be addressed best with out him in your life in any shape or form.

Have you read the stickies at the beginning of this forum?

Never define yourself by the actions of another. Just make yourself unavailble to them which it's a good sign, that's what your doing. The rest is taking the time, and doing the work, to heal.

No I missed the stickies... where are they?

At the top of the relationship page, or click on the link in my signature.

No need to keep posting new threads when you can access this one. As you have seen, your threads have been merged and the latest one deleted, so keep the story in one place, to avoid confusing us, please.

Odd... any message board I've belonged to allowed one to post new threads. I think it's more effective to start a new one rather than just add on to an old one that people have likely lost interest in. Whatev.

I think its more effective to have facts in the same place. Its more open and honest that way and people only lose interest when things go in circles over, and over again.