Hard Break Up Still Living Together- Worth the READN

Trying2Cope · #1 Feb 14, 2009, 02:14 PM

Sorry this long but worth it.....
I had a Fiancée we dated for 4 and half years! Engaged for over 2 years!
We never set a date. He bought the house, supposedly for our future. I gave up my place and moved into the house. I was somewhat apprehensive to move in with him with out being married. But thought OK I got the ring and it feels right! We have been living together a little over two years. We had an argument at the end of 2008, we were suppose to going to Vegas for New Years, during the argument, he indicated that he was done, with this relationship. Thus, no Vegas! He went onto say, this last argument lit the fuse on the bomb and it exploded. Like any other relationship we have our problems, but I was under the impression that we were going to work things out. He feels like He does not make me happy, nor is he no longer happy. I had previously, informed him of my wants and needs and felt like the relationship had become stagnant, no growth like we are together because we are just used to each other. He went onto say that he feels like we are not compatible. He wants to start the New Year with a clean slate. I asked him to dig deep into his soul and reflect have WE done everything to work through our issues...we have been doing the same thing...implying "we will work thinks out let me show you" routine, getting the same results, I recommended going to a counselor or even a preacher. He said "no" things are not going to change. It will be the same o same. He appeared cold to me. I was confused how are we supposed to be working things out when words were only stated? I asked him was he having a mid life crisis? He keeps ranting that he will be 40 this year! He said maybe. I asked if there was someone else he said NO. This was about him and his happiness. . In previous arguments he would indicate that he was done, but was always willing to stay together. At one point in time, I was going to leave he begged and pleaded that we would work it out! He then went on to add lets try SEPARATION! We are not even married. I informed him that I would appreciate it if he would stop playing game with me!
Since I have done what I can do, I refuse to be in a place where time has been invested and I am no longer wanted/feeling real disposable. He initially indicated that I could stay at the residence until the end of March 2009. I mainly work from home and have no family in this city we live in. I know some of you may frown upon me choosing to live with a man without being married! That is the choice I made and it has been to say the least a BIG learning experience!

I confirmed that my Ex Fiancée had gone out with JANE and never informed me! My EX became extremely upset and starting calling me profound cuss words! Later he apologized to me! He confessed that he met JANE a divorced mother/ an old friend from high school, with whom he never thought would run into at a work event. They exchanged numbers and have since been in communication. While
I was out of town visiting family he stayed home due to work. Well while I was out of town he went to dinner with JANE. I told him that was emotionally cheating and that was inappropriate behavior when you have a fiancée. He said he did not really see it that way more like friends catching up. I told him by his actions he was already removing himself from me and just pick the argument to officially break up. What a cop out! He said no, JANE just happened to come along and they are just currently friends. He would not take it any further because of ME. What a load of crap! I can't believe this we just broke up at the end of 2008 and he is starting his new year with possibilities with JANE. Mind you I am still currently living in the house. I am trying to get out ASAP, however he is making it dayum near impossible by changing locks on doors! You want me gone, I want to be gone but you are not letting me get my stuff!

As stated before we were talking and trying to cope with living together while no longer being in a relationship. As soon as JANE was confirmed.....the situation went from BAD to WORSE... lawyers have been involved.....Sheriffs have been involved......he has locked me out of some of the rooms within the house as well as him and his sister threw some of belongings either in the garbage or in the garage. Causing missing and damaged items! This break up has been the most challenging experience in my life. We are no longer speaking...we communicate via lawyers! I was not even married to this man and it is like a ridiculous bad divorce!

How does one cope with this and still try to have some dignity? I am the one miserable trying to move out of the house, while still traveling throughout the city working, without any family members present all the while he is moving on with JANE! I am strong and will get through this, however some days all I see is darkness!
Any suggestions are greatly appreciated!

Homegirl 50 · Feb 14, 2009, 05:11 PM

Just leave. That is the easiest and quickest way. This man is done and will only treat you worse until you are gone. The ball is in your court. Leave.

Trying2Cope · Feb 14, 2009, 10:24 PM

I have been putting my stuff in storage. Again as I previously stated that I just can't pick up and leave. I am in traffic at least 4 hours a day travel then more time speant visiting with clients. I have no family here. I have been staying away from the house and only going when I know my EX will be at work! I have been looking for a place to stay. I mainly furnished the entire house. I have one more trip to the house and I pray to god I will be done! When I am gone from the house I am doing ok for my situation... however when I have to return... I dred even waking up to make the drive to the house! This has been one of the most difficult things that I have experienced thus far!

Homegirl 50 · Feb 15, 2009, 06:01 AM

I hope you are out of there soon. If things don't work for him and his new chicky, don't let him sweet talk you back in.
I wish you well

Trying2Cope · Feb 15, 2009, 08:44 AM

There is no way no how... that My EX could sweet talk me back into anything! It is as if I do not know this person! After much soul searching... My ex is the type of person who tries to be something he is not... he relys on someone else for his happiness instead of dealing with himself and his own issues.... he simply could not break up and be alone..... he had to find someone else right before we broke up! HE is a lying cheat! If this new chick was not around... he would be begging to be with ME! If I am not worth the fight....... then good bye! I no longer wanted to be in a relationship where I have to WONDER..... I am willing to fight for love....but It does take TWO! In the end I have the last laugh.... for my name is tatooed on his CHEST! I have no tatoos what so ever! People break up every day... I am not understanding... why does one have to become so UGLY about it?

Homegirl 50 · Feb 15, 2009, 08:47 AM

The guy is a jerk. There are a lot of them out there. It is a good thing you didn't marry the guy or have kids by him.
I hope you are completely out of there soon.
I wish you the best.

Trying2Cope · Feb 15, 2009, 02:10 PM

Thank You for your response Homegirl 50... It does give me hope... I am just taking it one day at a time... but I am miserable at the same time that I have to move on with all of these changes... and he gets to continue with a new woman..... I am doing my best in the long run to come out of this a much better person.... I do howeve wish that my EX gets a good dose of KARMA and one day have to think.......about how he treated me in the END!

Homegirl 50 · Feb 15, 2009, 03:27 PM

Oh, he will. But the best revenge is for you to live well without him. And you will

Trying2Cope · Feb 15, 2009, 07:47 PM

I know I will get through this, however it is just going the process.... the process is what is getting to me! I have so many emotions going on that somtimes I think that I am going insane! I want to scream yet he will not hear me nor feel all of my emotions because he has another!