I went on here hoping to get help for my own little crush-which is now a big crush. I am sooo hot for this guy I am practically aching. I never even see him anymore-like we (my husband & I) used to barbecue together, go out with he & whoever he was dating at the time. I have even set him up with frinds of mine just to have an excuse to be around him. I think the attraction is mutual, just in the way he looks at me. I think another friend of bith he & my husband must have talked to him because now he avoids us. I am thinking about him all the time now. I really do love my husband but I am so bored. THis guy is single, funny, self-employed,has a boat & goes where the wind takes him. Its nothing for him to just take off to Florida for the weekend. What is my problem? I am a christian so I have been praying for God to help me, to take away my desire. I don't agree at all with telling my husband because he already has a semi-bad self image & I think that just frees my own conscience & dumps it on him. I am now having some fairly detailed dreams-one of which I was awoken from & mad to have been! If anyone has seen "Love Actually" where Keira Knighlty runs out into the street & kisses the guy-her husbands friend who has a crush on her-then you know how I feel. I wish it could work that way. I wish I could just lay one on him & have it end. I wish he would do something so vile that I am not attracted anymore. My husband & I are getting ready to go through a little small group bible study starting tomorrow so we are going to be doing something together. ANd I am working out now after a bad injury that made me put on 15 lbs from no movement-so maybe I will feel better about us. I don't know. Last night my husband & I made love & I saw "his" face. AARRGG! The thing is, my friends all say my husband is gorgeous. Way cuter than this other guy, i think. But that's isn't even the point, is it? Help!!

Wildcat21

This will pass. Work on your relationship with your husabnd. For get about him....it's a mind game in your head.

You wouldn't even care about him if you were available.

People Want What They Can't Have.

This is ridiculous. You're married - hello???????????

valinors_sorrow

Poor ol' reality never stands a chance when compared with fantasy. This may be difficult to grasp but this mechanism would work the same if you had married mr florida boating adventurer and were then fantasizing over his gorgeous best friend LOL.

Quit duping yourself. Picture picking up all his dirty socks or being very letdown by his siding with his mother instead of you in an important disagreement next time you find yourself obsessing over him so there is some measure of truth in advertising here, please!

Wildcat21

Val - your the best. I'd rate you - but I can't.

So true. It totally would be the same.

NO ONE IS HAPPY WITH WHAT THE HAVE.....GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER...UNTIL you get to the other side. Then look across....and want the other side again.

YES - this guy is a fantasy....1000% - he probably is a real jerk - with 5 women he PLAYS with - sounds like a big player....you'd be hurt, hubby would be long gone.

valinors_sorrow

Thanks Wildcat!

And Irish? You and your hubby need to not be quite so secure with each other-- Geez, just look at the divorce rate! Having been through the trauma of divorce once already, both my husband and I tend not to take each other for granted this time. Its not good to be "too married" -- if you get what I mean? We are also aware of competition "out there" since some of it flirts with us on a regular basis LOL-- that's always good for a nice wake up call!!

And now that I think of it... how 'bout a little flirting with you two, eh? Maybe its time to play "Stranger Date" or some equally silly thing here??

Skell

leave it as a fantasy and dont act on it.
the pain will not be worth it and im sure it wont be as awesome as you think.

As val said, how about a bit of flirting with the husband. Spice it up a little with him.

s_cianci

You've got a serious problem here. I think part of what makes this guy so attractive is his carefree, devil-may-care lifestyle. And that's fine for a bachelor. But would he continue to be able to live that way if he were married? You know the answer to that as well as I do. Would you really want to end your marriage to your husband just so you could be with this guy and marry him? He'd only turn into your husband all over again. I know, as I'm certainly not the same carefree guy I was before I got married. Don't misunderstand me ; I consider myself to be a good husband and a good father but any romantic fancies people may have had of me as a swinging bachelor no longer exist and, realistically, can't. I think you have some unrealistic romantic notions about this other guy and that he seems to you to be much more than he really is. You don't want to blow what you now have with your husband only to have reality snap back and hit you in the face full force. Yet that's what you'd be setting yourself up for. Think about it.

mysticque

You know, I see this same story pretty much with couples, married I supposed, over and over. My sister has the same problem. One of the reason she has fantasies about other men coz her husband was always tired, unwilling to compromise, and selfish. Then I guess each household has different lovely stories. I'm sure it wouldn't hurt asking your husband to perform your fantasies while you perform his.

Wildcat21

Yes - fix what is at home. Sit and talk and tell him what YOU need.

talaniman

Nothing wrong with fantasies, as long as keep them where they are in your fantasy.