I have been trying for such a long time to get over my ex. She ended things just over one year ago, I started NC 8 months ago. I have not been in touch with her since. I told her I was starting NC at the time and she should only contact me if she wanted to talk about us. I have not heard from her.

I still think about her on a daily basis, but have had good periods when those thoughts have been pretty brief. At the anniversary of the split a couple of mths ago, she seemed to be on my mind a whole lot more (for obvious reasons).

I have been out dating quite a few times. I was even seeing someone for a month or so, we both decided it wasn't right (nothing to do with my ex).

My thoughts seem to be shifting a lot more these past few weeks. In fact, yesterday, I thought about her first thing in the morning, then she did not cross my mind at all for most of the day. When that occurred to me I was quite pleased with myself!!

Then, even better, I had a date last night. Very nice girl, we got on well, I will give her a ring at the weekend and see if she wants to go out again.

But, I realised, after the date ended, that the place we had the date, was the same place me and my ex met at!!! In fact, we were sat at the very same table, and no thoughts of my ex crossed my mind for the whole time!

How can I continue along these positive lines!!??

Ulysses

hi, Questions!
obviously, everyone has its own pace in healing, there're no timetables... My guess is the more you let yourself FEEL, grieve and live through the universe of your emotion, the more efficient your coping mechanism works. Your emotional amplitude will gratually even up.... And sooner or later, you'll notice that the same situation doesn't provoke painful repercussions as it used to.... they turn into ... memories. And memories are just memories, they are disconnected from emotion.

So, my advice (in excess of the usual GET BUSY THING) is to let yourself express your emotion through writing a diary or posting here. Find a positive outlet for this great power you have. Also, Hang with people to confide in, a close and understanding friend is way to go.
PS it may also serve as a minor consolation that time alone is usually the most productive and insightful time in a human's life. Use it!))

Chery

Hi questions,
As Ulysses said, time is the factor here, and what you do with it. You can take years to get over a person - that shows that you really cared for her, but you don't sound as if you regret the time you did have and what you learned in that relationship. We all learn as we go along, how to curb our pain and let fond things blend into memories. That's what helps make us stronger. If you totally forget all the times you shared with anyone in your life, that would make you a cold and emotional cripple, and that's not the purpose of a healthy living either.

So, in my opinion, you are doing well in your healing process and not bitter anymore. That's is a good sign, so don't worry.

Enjoy your memories, and make new ones in your life - whether they will be good or bad - is up to you.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

HistorianChick

Sweetie, I've always held to the opinion that you know when you are over someone when you can look back on your relationship and smile. When you can remember the good times without dwelling on the bad things. When you can really wish them the best and know that you're going to be ok.

I don't think its a bad thing that you are "moving on." The fact that you were able to be in such an emotionally charged environment (the restaurant) and not be completely depressed and sentimental is a very good thing.

As Chery said, keep your happy memories and create new ones.

You're doing well. Keep it up.

talaniman

Q7, Whatever your doing, keep doing it. If you need some spare change, bottle it, and sell it. You'll make a mint. Need a partner?

All that hard work you've done for yourself is paying off now. I am happy for you!

Questions2007

Thanks. I like to think that over 8 mths of NC is paying off in some way. If not the fact that I am thinking of my ex less, and when I am thinking of her, it is in a "how could she act like that" angry type way rather than an "I want her back" type way!

The thing that concerns me is that it has been a year, I meet other girls, yet I am quite dismissive of a relationship because I compare them to her. I have always thought rebounds are a bad idea. But it has been a year, and I am dating, and am half on the lookout for someone else. How do I stop memories of my ex messing that up!!???

talaniman

By not letting those memories bother, or influence, or distract you. Focus on the female in front of you, not the one in the back of your mind. Unless of course your having sex, and that fantasy kicks in.................thats another post.