Please take your time to read this, your advice would mean a lot to this troubled soul.

I am 20 years old and so is my girlfriend. We've been dating for about a year and five months. We are currently engaged (not formally), waiting to be financially stable to get married. We are thinking of getting married in 2 years time. Our parents are okay with this as long as we wait until we are a bit older.

So my girlfriend/fiance is my first both in terms of a relationship and sex. I was raised in safe, caring environment with strong sense of morality when it came treating someone with respect, sex, etc. I am very sensitive, emotional as well. My girlfriend was raised more in unstable environment. She was exposed to sex, alcohol smoking at very early age. She lost her virginity when she was 15 and have been with almost 20 partners so far. Her past literally broke my heart to millions of pieces. It was so painful knowing that she had to go through all that and no one treated her like the way she deserved. All those ****ing bastards only saw her as a use for sex when I see her as the most precious and beautiful soul on earth. Her past is what actually made me like her at first, because I wanted to protect her, I wanted her to know that she deserved much better and she never needs to go through all that again.

I fell in love with her very fast but it took her almost 7 months to realize that she loved me after I literally sacrificed all of my time to be with her, loved her unconditionally. She used to always say that she doesn't know what it is to be in love and people change so she was always questioning me if I would ever leave her if she screwed up. I always promised her that no matter what, we will work through things and as painful as the things might be, I will not leave her. Later on after she finally admitted that she loved me, she told me that she now knows what it is to be in love, and that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me.

We had some rough patches just like any other relationships. I mean we are two very different people. She loves to party (drink, smoke, have fun) where as I don't smoke or drink. We are both working hard to be more understandable to each other. For example, I am planning to start drinking with her, and she is trying hard to quit smoking.

The problem now is that we live far way from each other now due to my internship. I would only be able to meet her in a month and half time, and we've been separated physically by the distance for about 2 months at the moment. I'm losing my trust in her as she keeps asking me the questions like "if I got drunk and cheated on you, would you leave me?" or she writes on her blog that she misses being held, she wants to feel safe again.

Then recently when we were chatting, she told me about her old middle school crush flirting with her, but then she said she is giving him a cold shoulder... And this made me snooping on her account (which I promised her I would never do). I saw the chat and he was asking very sexual questions. He was asking her if she was a virgin, how many guys she slept with and stuff like that. She would say things like "i don't sleep with guys who knows my parents" Then he asked her the question, when's the last time you had sex and she replied "like a week" ago. In the chat, she seemed just like her old self. But I saw her, and I know that that's not who she is. I admit, I must have had some trust issues and that's why I ended up snooping, but even so after I saw that chat, I still have faith in her. I don't think she cheated on me. I mean on that very night, she even told me that she would not cheat on me. The thing is that she does exaggerates a lot when chatting with her online friends, she would act more like a spoiled child or something. Maybe she wants her friends to think that she is cool, hot or sexually attractive, I don't really know.

I don't know what to do. Like I want to talk to her about this issues, but I don't know how to bring the topic about me snooping on her account. I really don't want her to think that I don't trust her, because nobody has had faith in her before.. One of the reason she ended up walking such bad past is that her parents were too strict and didn't trust her and gave her freedom. I do trust her even tough I have some insecurity issues.

Why would you bring up these issues? What do you hope to gain when you two live far apart right now? Do you want her to confess?
But you don't trust her. You snooped because you don't trust her. You want to "talk with her" about trust issues. Why trust issues? Why not talk about instead what book you are reading and what you had for dinner?
And you don't either.
If they didn't trust her, why did they give her freedom? Or do you mean she took her freedom despite their strictness?
Your security issues are based on the fact that you don't trust her.

I think the combination of distance and her shaky past has you a bit shaken. I highly suggest you put your own fears and insecurities aside, and not throw them in her face. Its is you who have already let them lead you to a bad place, by snooping, and that has only added more fuel to the fire.

What disturbs me more, is the way you paint her as being a victim, that needs protection, from herself and her past, and that will never work my friend so don't mix love, and PITY.

I think you do better with dealing with your own fears, and insecurities in mature positive ways by giving a lot of thought BEFORE you ACT, or SPEAK. In this way maybe you can stop snooping and act with confidence going forward no matter what happens in the future.

I know it's a first in having a relationship, sex, AND long distance between you, and your love, but don't give in to impulsive bad behavior that will only lead to more impulsive bad behavior, and greater fear, and insecurity.

Keep trying to put your BEST foot forward. Not for her, or love, but for YOU.

My advice to you is to always be open with her if you love her explain to her why and just ask her about it , it is not your fault that she had a hard past its very touching that you care for her on it as well as you should but the only one who can fix her is her not you regardless of what happened in her past it's the shaping tool now she is the only one in control of building what's in store next may I suggest you suggest to her maybe therapy I had a tough past as well and it truly helped a lot I just don't think anyone should be torchured to hold back on talking about feeling or action honesty will repay its self good luck hun hope anything I've said to you helps you at all if it doesn't I'm sorry I tried.