Friend poached another friend!! Advice?

turtlegirl · #1 May 10, 2006, 11:32 AM

I had never had this feeling before, but last summer I felt like one of my friends was poaching another, as in they were going to be friends with each other INSTEAD of me, not in addition to me. A series of events happened in a few days (friend #1 supposed to come early to help with my housewarming party but not coming until after midnight, friend #2 being the first to leave the party; it getting back to me the next day that they were gossiping about a party they weren't even at; me seeing them out together a few days later when neither had called me) and I was upset and told them both to f off. When I apologized and explained they wouldn't have it and now we're not friends.

Problem is, they never really let me explain why I was upset (things happened before that week, too). I was friends with these women for years, ups and downs, letdowns, good and bad times and it crushes me to think that they apparently don't think as much of the friendship as I do. I KNOW if tables were turned I'd want an apology and an explanation, but for me once you're in the inner circle, you're in. Everybody screws up, just don't make a habit of it.

Part of me wants to get a chance to at least be heard in terms of why I acted the way I did. Another is ready to just let the firnedships die, but it's like I got broken up with with no closure. And I can't get it. And one of them I work with and the other is in my sister's wedding with me.

Any ideas would be MOST appreciated!

Wildcat21 · May 10, 2006, 02:14 PM

FIRST!!!! Where the hell have you been young lady??????????????

Let it cool down, if they are real friends, they would understand almost anything.

I've blown off a few parties recently and my friends have been really bent out of shape, but they get over it big time.

Wait a week or two and then go for coffee or lunch.

Wildcat21 · May 10, 2006, 02:16 PM

Also - did they have a legitimate reason????? Maybe they were with a guy? I've blown off some big function i nthe last year because I'd rather spend time with a gal.

love and be loved · May 10, 2006, 02:27 PM

no affense but it sounds to me like you are taking this a littel to hard
they have been gating along relly well lately and have been hanging out a lot no big deal
there will be times when you and one of your friends will hang out together more then you and your other friends it will pass

and I don't blame them for being pissed at you that was a relly mean thing to say for just hanging out with some of their other friends for a week

good news is yes every on makes mastakes and your friends will get over it
so don't get to upset if they are your real friends they will understand and forgive you
just let them cool of for alittel and then exsplan to them why you said ot that you are relly sorry and would just like to move on and try to forget about the hole thing

hope this helps ang good luck

turtlegirl · May 11, 2006, 05:07 AM

I didn't mention this happened in October. And now they are BFF. They met through me, they didn't even like each other before and they wouldn't even know each other if it weren't for me (one was a roommate, one a friend fromwork). It just hurts.

turtlegirl · May 11, 2006, 05:09 AM

Wildcat...
I've been busy! That was the summer, this is the school year. And YAY I have a really wonderful great healthy thing going with a suitable young man. For almost 8 months. I hope you and your 'gal' are doing well.

fredg · May 11, 2006, 05:13 AM

Hi, turtlegirl,
If you can't talk with these friends about it, and they won't listen to what you have to say, then move on.
Friends come and go, and we are very, very lucky when we find a friend that turns out to be a "lifetime" friend. It does happen, but not all the time!
I do wish you the best, and remember; always SMILE. The Smile shows you like yourself, and others will like you, too.

Wildcat21 · May 11, 2006, 08:03 AM

Hey Turtle - I know, I know, the school year. ....so what about this new guy???? youngster again??? Please share.

I am with a new wonderful woman. And she is one hell of a woman. Beautiful, smart as hell, fun as hell, sexy. Almost 2 months. Still figuring it out.

Jayjay027 · May 11, 2006, 10:24 AM

I suggest you sit them both down and tell them how you feel.
As far as they can see, they havent done anything wrong, and they will continue to think that way until you tell them how you're feeling.

If then they still dont want to include you, then they arent worth your friendship, and you should move on.

turtlegirl · May 11, 2006, 01:09 PM

So Wildcat, he's everything good. He's in school and works two jobs so I don't see him much, but he's superfun and intelligent, thoughtful and generous, funny and sensitive. And he liked me for almost a year before we got together but he never said anything because he thought I was out of his league. Things are great, and yes, he is 25. 26 next month. What can I say? And we did absolutely everything wrong according to the books. Sometimes you do everything right and it goes all wrong. Looks like we did everything 'wrong' but the important stuff was right on, so it's working...

Glad your new gal situation is good, but I have to admit I'm curious about the previous. Games?



At Ask Me Help Desk you can ask questions in any topic and have them answered for free by our experts. To ask questions or participate in answering them you must register for a free account. By registering you will be able to: Get free answers from experts in any of our 300+ topics. Accept money for answers that you provide. Communicate privately with other members (PM). See fewer ads. Sign Up!