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TrueFaith · Apr 21, 2008, 10:19 AM

Ok guys :)

Hello by the way, so you guys and gals let me know what you think of this.

I have a good job, really good money and everything. But I travel a lot a real lot and I'm always away, now of course my girl gets a bit upset that I'm not there with her. She wanted me to leave and be with her by may, I told her that right now I can not leave my job as I have a house and many things to keep up, I'm not going to go off to some strange place and not know where I'm going or what I'm doing just to be with you, because if I do that. Then it will just become a nightmare..

She is getting really cold and why now, so I just said look I do want to make a life with you but as of right now I can not leave my work, its not fair in me asking you to wait for me I know this, but I do want this to work.. she then tells me ohh you can leave you just don't want to lalala..

So I said well OK I can't seem to talk to you right now youv gone all supersonic on me. I then told her you want to end it will that make you happy? Because you seem to be really upset with me and in this Long distance relationship.

So I'm of 2 minds 1 brake up with her

Or the other one.. well I'm not sure what the other one is because I don't think she can take this way much longer.

Anyway another perspective would be great :)

Thanks in advance

Faith

Synnen · Apr 21, 2008, 10:27 AM

Ask her what SHE would be giving up for YOU.

If the answer is NOTHING, it's time to move on.

bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE · Apr 21, 2008, 10:34 AM

She needs to respect the fact that you don't want to leave everything you have rght now.

What about her living with you?

talaniman · Apr 21, 2008, 11:37 AM

Sounds like she has made up her mind, and what you think doesn't count. Besides communicating, working together is very important, so see about a compromise. Honestly though, she wants what she wants, and I suspect if she gets it, she will want even more, but that's just my gut reaction, to what she has already told you. This doesn't sound that equal to me and what is it she brings to the table, if you give your job up?

duck22 · Apr 21, 2008, 12:58 PM

Whatever you end up doing you do not want to have any regrets. What I mean is you do not want to leave her for a job and come to realize down the road that you were much happier with her. On the contrary, you might not want to leave your high paying job just to have you two breakup over something unrelated down the road.

Try to look at the big picture and figure out what will make you happier at the end of the day. Is it taking a salary cut to spend more time with your girlfriend or is it traveling and putting that extra money away. There many more variables but I think you get the point.

Some things to think about: What's worth more to you, your job or your girlfriend? What would she do in your shoes? Where do you see your relationship heading?

TrueFaith · Apr 21, 2008, 03:02 PM

Yeah I totally agree. You guys are so right.. I did ask her what she would be giving up and it will be nothing really, she use to work with me but she got fired I think I spoke about this a while ago. And yeah.. I can't pay for other peoples mistakes.. I told her in the futuer I do want to be with her but she can't seem to wait that long.. she said she will accept it and see how it goes, but I don't know. But yeah ones thing for sure I can not leave my job its my life, and I'm working to have a nice life for me and my family if and when I have one.

Thanks a lot guys :)

Regards

JBeaucaire · Apr 21, 2008, 03:14 PM

I want to add one thing... I don't think her asking you to get a "stay put" job is unreasonable at all, no matter how you couch it. When you enter a relationship, you signal that you are opening your life up to inspection and commentary. You just are.

Her telling you that you have a job that interferes with a developing relationship is at worst an unwelcome TRUTH.

Now, having added that, I agree that you quitting the job may be premature. But if you weren't already thinking along those lines before she brought it up, then I would question the shelf-life of you two anway, understand?

Dating is about finding out what it would mean to take things up a level at a time. You know the answer now. Time to move up or move on.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 21, 2008, 03:19 PM

You have to make some choices, she wants a more seroius relationship moving on, and wants her partner home. This is common and most ladies will want that. Men who have jobs that travel a lot will often have to trade good relationships with partners for their carreers.

So it is time to choice often, love or a job.

If you chose the job, it was not really love.

JBeaucaire · Apr 21, 2008, 03:31 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

You have to make some choices, she wants a more seroius relationship moving on, and wants her partner home. This is commom and most ladies will want that. Men who have jobs that travel alot will often have to trade good relationships with partners for thier carreers.

So it is time to choice often, love or a job.

If you chose the job, it was not really love.

I agree with everything but that last comment. Love is not measured by what you're willing to do. It just isn't. Love can be VERY deep and real and still be doomed. Love comes naturally. Love comes instinctively.

I say "never question the love...test the committment." That's what's happening here, as it should.

talaniman · Apr 21, 2008, 03:42 PM

Love is a two way street, and you both give something to get something. If your doing all the giving, how is that fair? Its not. But what is fair, is an honest dialog, with some realistic plans made, and a reasonable time table, to accomplish those plans. Working together is the challenge, and the measure of a good relationship.

friend4u178 · Apr 21, 2008, 04:42 PM

I agree with what the others have said but I have to add

If she is giving this to you as an "ultimatum" , then in my opinion she doesn't really value the relationship.

ForeverZero · Apr 21, 2008, 06:38 PM

It's been my experience that when a woman issues her demand and they're not met, only to respond with "i'll deal with it but i don't know for how long", that can usually be translated to "i'll deal with it until i find someone else". As far as I'm concerned, you're setting yourself up to be cheated on, not that I fault you for picking your career.

JoeCanada76 · Apr 21, 2008, 06:48 PM

Long distance relationships are so so hard. One of the two people need to eventually make the move. If there is any hope of a relationship lasting, but you always travelling on your work does not help matters. You want to build a relationship you both need to spend quality time with each other.

At the same time in my own opinion, you have a house, and very good job. What kind of job does she have? Would it be easier for her to make a move, if she feels so strongly about it? Each individual and couple situation is different but I am sure you get the idea.

Decisions have to be made.

ForeverZero · Apr 21, 2008, 06:51 PM

He brings up a good point. What does she have? Is she only staying with you now because you provide for her, and she needs you until she finds somebody else?

nickshehe · Apr 21, 2008, 07:03 PM

I've been somewhat a realist/pessimist since coming on this site.
You've been given great advice, but my honest opinion is that from what I've seen , 90% of women come and go (and men).. relationships just aren't forever anymore.
You seem keen on your job, she doesn't seem to keen to compromise.. Which doesn't seem very "loving".
If you quit your job for her -chances are that some day in the future you're going to kick your own behind for making that choice... Then again you might keep the job and regret losing her.. Depends what kind of person you are really, and if you honestly can't work out some sort of arrangement between the two of you that will make both her and you happy then I suggest you cut your losses and quit while you're ahead.. because if you don't settle this now then it will be a long and painful route to the future.
My two cents.

TrueFaith · Apr 21, 2008, 09:27 PM

Couldn't agree more Tala and all of you guys have awesome advice thank you :)

I will say this I have just spoken with her and I have told her about my plans I want to work towards something in the futuer with her. And I said I hope she can be with me until that dream becomes a reality but until then ill make.. and I hope she will make every effort to keep our relationship alive, and just be a bit more understanding. Because I can understand that she wants a life, and kids.. and so do I but its just I'm not at that stage yet and well I hope we can work this out :)

friend4u178 · Apr 21, 2008, 09:29 PM

Originally Posted by TrueFaith

Couldnt agree more Tala and all of you guys have awesome advice thank you :)

I will say this i have just spoken with her and i have told her about my plans i want to work towards something in the futuer with her. and i said i hope she can be with me untill that dream becomes a reality but untill then ill make.. and i hope she will make every effort to keep our relationship alive, and just be a bit more understanding. because i can understand that she wants a life, and kids.. and so do i but its just im not at that stage yet and well i hope we can work this out :)

Good luck faith... I hope it all works out for you.

MarchKites87 · Sep 19, 2008, 06:18 PM

Some girls tend to be a little needy and think that everything will be fine as long as they have their man around... money and all other responsibilities can come later... unfortunantly that scenario doesn't work well... I think if she knows your lifestyle and can't except it that it might be time to move on... if your job makes you happy and if you are making good money it wouldn't be the best move to leave it since the job market is soooooo bad right now. Best of luck to you dear!