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My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years now. We have had out ups and downs like most relationships...but overall it has been great. A little backround information, is over the Summer she lifeguards over the Summer at a camp with kids ranging from 8-18 and she is (20). 3 nights ago my girlfriend called me and said that even though she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me she doesnt see that happeneing, she sees us ending on a break...the next night, we end up going on a break.
She said that she didnt want to go on a break and was ready to do it but "we need to". She said that she needs to figure out her own life and make sure that I am the one for her with no doubt in her mind. Throughout this time she is sobbing and tell me how much she loves me and she will love me forever. Earlier in our relationship we exchanged promise rings because we have a semi long distant relationship ( I love an hour away during the school year ), and she said she was going to keep the one I gave her and never take it off her wedding finger. ( guess thats a plus) She also said that she is going to be dating other guys, however not be intimate or affectionate with them...In the end she promised me that she was going to come back to me because she wanted to be with me the rest of her life...
All this to me contradicts itself...she wants space and to go date other guys yet she wants to spend the rest of her life with me?
I love this girl with every bone in my body and I thought she was my 1...The funny thing is we went on this break 2 nights ago and she came to see me and say goodbye and that she loved me yesturday morning before she left to go back to camp ( she comes home on the weekends). She then called me last night and told me she loved me, and that everything was going to be ok, and promised again that she is going to come back to me. Then she texted me gnite before she went to bed....I completely am lost at this point...She also said she wanted to see me next weekend???? I thought we are on break???
I dont get it.... I have been pretty emotionally destroyed because I am so afraid of losing her, because I have given her everything that I have and It would really suck to see her find someone else that was better than me by her standards after she has told me that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me.
Should I not answer or phone calls or texts?
Should I be busy and not see her this weekend?
If I dont answer her calls, when should I return her calls?
I need some advice like how I should be handling this....
she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me she doesnt see that happeneing, she sees us ending on a break...
If she want to spend the rest of her life with you why does she want a break? That because she doesn't want to be with you anymore.
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Originally Posted by seriousthought99
She said that she needs to figure out her own life and make sure that I am the one for her with no doubt in her mind.
She is confused, she saying this in case she can't find anyone else. You're her back up plan.
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Originally Posted by seriousthought99
She also said that she is going to be dating other guys,
Yes because she want out of this one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by seriousthought99
In the end she promised me she was going to come back to me because she wanted to be with me the rest of her life...
Again, back up plan. She say this so you will wait for her and not move on until she does.
Quote:
Originally Posted by seriousthought99
Should I not answer or phone calls or texts?
No, she wants a break give it to her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by seriousthought99
Should I be busy and not see her this weekend?
Yes, She want out so move on with your life without her, and start healing yourself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by seriousthought99
If I dont answer her calls, when should I return her calls?
Tell her we can't talk no more.
Quote:
Originally Posted by seriousthought99
I need some advice like how I should be handling this....
She want's out of this relationship. She probally try to find someone else before she totaly let go of you. You will be her door mat until she finds someone. My advice don't contact her at all. Move on with your life without her. Why wait on a if. What if she comes back and what if she doesn't. If you wait for her and she doesn't want to get back together you'll be hurting and confused
Give her what she wants and work on yourself. Any pushing will make her pull away. I advise you keep busy and with friends. Also plan some things to do such as going to a music festival or going on holiday. Time for you to work on you!
Remember stay in no contact as ignorance is bliss! It truly is and what you don't know can't hurt you. I advise you read over the threads on this forum. You may find alot of the advise and situations relevant to you. You can also see their period of healing. Many of us here have been through heart break and have been there and done that! All the best and keep us updated, were to here to help.
The answer to your first two questions is a resounding YES. As for your third question, I'd say give it 7-10 days. Then when you do call her, make yourself sound a little harried and say something apologetic like "Sorry I haven't called sooner but I've been so damned busy I just haven't had a chance." Keep the rest of the conversation brief and end it abruptly with a similar harried tone with something like "Sorry but I've got to go. I'll try to catch up with you around the middle of next week. Bye." I agree that she's sending you mixed signals. I'd actually go ahead and take that break and allow yourself to meet and date other people. Get busy doing things you enjoy so that, when she does call you really will be too busy to speak with her at any length ; you won't even have to fib about it. It sounds like she's trying to have her cake and eat it too and possibly even manipulate you. You can't let that happen ; there's no room for Mr. Nice Guy here. You go off, do your thing and don't give her a second thought. If you let her take you for a ride, she will so you've got to be the one to stop it.
Frankly I'm not sure she's worth it if she does come back. She sounds like a bit of a player and not viable relationship material. Of course, if she does want to come back you can have your fun with her until someone better comes along. Just don't pursue her and don't let her control you. Build your life around you, not her.
I had the same situation happen to me almost a year ago and it worked out for me but your only chance is to be a man and cut ties for now. Tell her she wants a break and her calling you all the time is no break. If you are truly loved me there would be no reason for a break. We shouldn't talk at all because it is bad. I did the same thing and she asked for a break and I said let's not fool each other. You don't hate me and I don't hate you let's break up now because we know the reasons for the breakup. So we ended up not talking and a while later she started dating someone else and I never called her. She contacted me every once in a while and ultimately came back and we talked about the issues and now we are very happy. SHE WANTS A BREAK...SO GIVE IT TO HER!! I feel like if I would have just hung around she would have slowly pulled away from me. You need to show her what it is to miss you, it is your only way. Don't be rude about it but be like you want a break, you want to date other guys, so there you go. Talking everyday is a not a break, you can't be 50/50 it is 0 or a 100. You are not worth a backup plan. Move on and if she decides to come back she does but if she calls after you let her know, then say you asked for a break i didn't. Please don't call until you figure out what you want and hope you find what you are looking for and hopefully I am still here when you come back.
This is simple mate. She may either have her eye on another guy or maybe not. IT DOES NOT MATTER, what does matter is you listen carefully she asked you for a BREAK so give her the dam break!!!! When she contacts you dont answer DEFINATELY dont answer are you lgoing to let her treat you like dirt!!!!! She wants a break this means she gets a break, she does not get to keep talking to you and have you around because i can guarantee you one thing she will adventually find another guy and then you will not heart from her and you will feel like crap for haanging around and helping her out!!! If she is confused let her be confused on her own you CANNONT help her here all you can do by talking is push her away... So iuf you want to lose her answer the phone and speak and each time you do this go and have a wank cause thats all you will be doing when shes gone!!!!! STOP TALKING FROM NOW AND GIVE HER WHAT SHE ASKED FOR BREAKKKK!!!!!
I know what she may say and it may be klike this "Why are you not answering my calls i want to talk to you what is wrong with you, well if you are going to be like this we will just end it" Dhe wiil say this to try and get a response from you. Well mate you must be willing to lose her in order to get her back. I know this sounds bad but its the truth. You have to absolutley not fall into a heap even if you feel like ringing DONT DO IT CANNOT HELP YOUR CAUSE. The only thing that will wake her up is the fact the SHE IS MISSING YOU FROM HER LIFDE!!!!! You know what if you see her next weekend you are an absolute LOSER mate she asked you for the break and then said she wants to see you next week you want to know why CAUSE SHE HAS NOTHING BETTER TO DO. Dont kid yourself mate shes halfway out the door and just wants to keep you around incase she doesnt find someone else or it doesnt work out with the guy she may be hunting down at the moment.... I have heard all that crap about I want to be with you and i will be back well thinkof this she wants to date what is that telling you. What happens when she goes on this date and this super hot dude takes her back to his place and pounds her YOURE OUT!!!! Dont help her out by being around TOTALLY DISAPAER!!!! Show her you are moving on you dont wait for no one hell she will try and make yopu sound like a prick by saying your not even waiting WELL WAKE UP MATE SHE WANTS TO DATE OTHER GUYS THIS MEANS SHE WANTS ANOTHER GUY TO TOUCH HER AR***SE AND GIVE IT TO HER SO WHATS THAT TELLING YOU!!!! YOUR GOINING TO BE SLOPPY 2nds to some dude. Dont take this and the only way to fix a problem like this is to shpow her what life will be like without you!!! If you keep answering you ar giving her all the power and she will continue too treat you like a dog.... Why has it taken her so long to figure this out 2 years??? You know why cause for the first 2 yearts she was so into you and worried about you she wasnt leaving she wanted you.
Im sorry to say mate but it sounds like there is someone else and she is wanting to try things with this guy and if it doesnt work your still there I hope this is not the case. She wants to still see you when she comes back but hell man you better say no and i mean not over the phone you say no by not being home let her come round on the weekend and if you olive with parents well they will tell her your not home!!! Yourve been busy let her think your dating other girls!!!! You dont have to say a word the best treatment you can give her is to tell her ABSOLUTELY nothing let her wonder...
1. Is he dating
2.Where the hell is he
3. Has he moved on.
Then you know what happens you will start to receive messages like i miss you so much, I want you , why are you doing this. Thats when you re-ly with Listen we are on a break ant this is best for now, i dont want to be in arelationship with someone who wants to date other guys, I deserve someone who wants to be with me i dont stand for that crap I hope you find what your looking for. Bye then you turn the phone off!!! THIS WILL WORK DEFINATELY will show her your the one she needs to feel the void in her life in order to believe you are the one especially if there is another guy artound!! Do this NOW...
Prepare yourself for the worst. Honestly if you really want to hold onto any hope the best thing to do is to go no contact and try to enjoy being single, which you are. Its going to be lonely at times but at the end of the day your not 'alone!' You have your family, job, friends, your short term and long term goals to live for.
I had a holiday booked for Prague with my new best mate a week after my ex broke up with me day before valentines. Tell you what, that helped allot! A nice break and time to chill and see the world. Any opportunity you get, try to take it, try some new things and change the way you do things. Remember give her what she wants, she may find the grass isin't greener on the other side but by then you may have realized that she wasn't all what you made her up to be and you deserve to be treated better.
Don't stand for BS, if she wanted a break she should have got a COFFEE!
My ex jumped back into the scene almost str8 away, turns out the grass wasn't so green apparently and she apologized for everything she did to me. Does that make anything different? No! I am wiser because of it.
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