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cybulbasaur · Aug 24, 2009, 07:51 PM

Okay so here is what happened a few days ago my girl broke up with cause she starts crying and says she wants to be single. I told her if you don't tell me what's wrong I can't fix it. She said I didn't do anything wrong, I'm perfect. I ask if there is someone else? Is she bored with me? No again. She said when she first started talking to me she didn't want to go out and she isn't happy anymore. I was her first. That wasn't it either she said. I asked if it was the whole boyfriend girlfriend thing she said a little. She wants to be friends and she doesn't want me to hate her. I asked if we could get back together and she said she didn't want to promise me anything. The thing is she likes to keep to herself and is shy and quiet. That is why I'm confused about talking to her and asking her or keeping my distance. What should I do?

cybulbasaur · Aug 24, 2009, 08:36 PM

Thanks big help

paxe · Aug 24, 2009, 10:16 PM

Well she is honest with you at least but she shouldn't keep you as "friend". It's quite simple what you need to do, cut her loose she doesn't want to be with you and you don't "need" her to live your life. Tell her you need to go No Contact because you need to heal, so let her know you won't contact her and she shouldn't contact you. You cannot stay friends... never heard of someone feeling good with being friends...

britEl · Aug 24, 2009, 11:30 PM

When I hear that a girl tells a guy that they miss being single to me that means, they miss having options they miss being able to be in contact with more then one guy. I suggest just keeping your distance with this one and quit contact. And like she said it isn't you it really is her, she just wants options and no commitment it seems.

chuff · Aug 25, 2009, 05:04 AM

If she wants a break then you give it to her. Break off completely with no contact.

kctiger · Aug 25, 2009, 05:46 AM

"My girlfriend wants to be single..."

When you hear that line you drop everything and book it! I disappear from their lives without hesitation. They will have to call the CIA to find me again.

talaniman · Aug 25, 2009, 07:45 AM

I agree with all the above advice, let her be single, just because that's what she wants, and that's how you "fix" that problem.

Leave her alone.

xadmin · Aug 25, 2009, 08:19 AM

Well, my EX also said "I want to be single". We have been broken up for 3 months now and I still can't let her go. She started seeing this guy and they are "just friend", she said. They would go out on weekend at night together for a drink and such.

When I asked her to go out on the weekend to talk, she would refused me, making up excuses saying she is tired or busy and even flatly refused me saying she doesn't want to go out with me. However, when the guy asked her to go out, she happily agreed. This fact hurts so much after being together for 3 years. I just don't understand how a person can move on so quickly.

At times, I just feel like showing up to the BAR where they are having a drink at and go and confront them, but I don't know what this will do? Somebody knocks some sense into me please.

kctiger · Aug 25, 2009, 08:20 AM

Originally Posted by xadmin

At times, I just feel like showing up to the BAR where they are having a drink at and go and confront them, but I don't know what this will do? Somebody knocks some sense into me please.

I can't think of a dumber thing to do, to be honest. This would for sure validate her thoughts that you are a creeper.

Get a life of your own and slowly but surely you will let her go. While you can't see it now, we all know you will be better off without her.

xadmin · Aug 25, 2009, 08:25 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

I can't think of a dumber thing to do, to be honest. This would for sure validate her thoughts that you are a creeper.

Get a life of your own and slowly but surely you will let her go. While you can't see it now, we all know you will be better off without her.

Yes I was definitely thinking the same. I guess my thought to confront them at the BAR was to prove that "Hey, you lied to me, you guys are not just friends, you are dating!". And this drive to do that was very strong last weekend. Guess my emotional state makes me very irrational

kctiger · Aug 25, 2009, 08:27 AM

To be truthful, it is none of your business regardless. I know it hurts and it isn't something you ever want to hear, but you both have a right to move on with your life. She has done so, now it is time for you to do the same, as hard as it may be.

spitvenom · Aug 25, 2009, 08:28 AM

Cybul let her have this time by herself if she wants to call you she will. Don't call her just drop out of her life like KC said.

I don't mean to hijack this thread but xadmin you have to stop torturing yourself. Stop calling her she doesn't want to be with you. You have to cut all contact or go NC (no contact) as they say on AMHD.com. The sooner you do that the sooner you will be able to get over it. I know you were together for 3 years and it is not easy but you have to stop talking to her.

Oh and don't show up to the bar you will look like a lunatic!! What will confronting her in public do? Nothing! You will look like a stalker and she will NEVER talk to you again.

xadmin · Aug 25, 2009, 08:34 AM

Originally Posted by spitvenom

Cybul let her have this time by herself if she wants to call you she will. Don't call her just drop out of her life like KC said.

I don't mean to hijack this thread but xadmin you have to stop torturing yourself. Stop calling her she doesn't want to be with you. You have to cut all contact or go NC (no contact) as they say on AMHD.com. The sooner you do that the sooner you will be able to get over it. I know you were together for 3 years and it is not easy but you have to stop talking to her.

Oh and don't show up to the bar you will look like a lunatic!!! What will confronting her in public do? Nothing! You will look like a stalker and she will NEVER talk to you again.

I agreed with the original poster that it hurts like hell when a girl said "I want to be single". All I can say to the OP is to hang in there.

As to reply to spitvenom, for confronting her at the bar. I guess it is just to prove that they are dating and not just friends. Hah, I haven't done it, but I had that thought. How irrational is it?

kctiger · Aug 25, 2009, 08:35 AM

Highly irrational

spitvenom · Aug 25, 2009, 08:37 AM

It is very irrational but I am not going to sit here and say I have never thought like that before. Just don't act on it. You will be better off.

overayear · Aug 25, 2009, 02:54 PM

I wouldn't bolt and never talk to her again. I don't think she is a bad person for saying she wants to be single. It happens and she was honest with you. I would however go on with my life and understand that it wasn't a bad break up just timing and things didn't work out. No hard feelings and good luck in the furture. I wouldn't be "friends" right away though. Give yourself a little time to heal.