Good morning,

This is my first post on this website, and it has been a rough 24 hours, so please bear with me.

My girlfriend and I began dating my senior year of college. After graduation I moved away, but we remained together for another 1.5 years. Eventually, we felt as though the distance was too much, but she could not move as she was finishing nursing school and I had already begun a very lucrative opportunity that was working out. We thought it best to separate before the frustration got to be too great.

As you might expect, 6-8 months down the line, I decided that I did not want to lose her and choose to make some changes in order to be with her. When I communicated this, she began crying and said that she wasn't a good person. Shortly after, she confessed to a drunken one night stand with one of my "friends" who still lived in that town. She was completely distraught and expressed that she wished she could take it all back, but obviously, it cannot be. This "friend" is well known for his promiscuity and makes no effort to hide this fact. I have even hung out with him several times since with no knowledge of the incident.

Getting to my question: I don't feel as though I have any right to be angry with her. We were separated, she was drinking and I know that she regrets it deeply. I have always had issues with some of the choices that she makes, but believe that she is a good person inside. Furthermore, I have made my own mistakes... so it is difficult for me to judge. What are your thoughts? Should I feel comfortable moving forward with her? Is there a point at which the past becomes too much of a burden? I know these are all decisions that I have to make for myself, but I can't talk to anyone else about this and hope some of your experiences might help provide some insight to my own situation.

I also feel as though I need to cut off my so-called "friend." I am not sure I should be able to forgive him for putting me in this situation.

Thank you very much for reading this. I very much look forward to your response and hope you are having a better weekend than me.

R

I think if she truly is sincere about regretting what happened, then you should forgive her. People do things when they drink that they would never do with a clear mind, but that doesn't excuse irresponsible actions. I think you should be more angry toward this friend of yours. If he were a decent person, he would never had taken advantage of her being drunk. The only problem is that if you and this girl were separated during the time when the incident happened, you can't really be mad at either one of them for what happened. The only reason you have to really be upset is just for your friend being a jerk and taking advantage of her. As far as the other things she does, you have to weigh their importance. People do make mistakes and you have to ask yourself whether her mistakes are ones you can live with or not. Don't settle for something because you think it will make you happy or it will fix itself. Most faults that people have will probably never change. Hope this helps. Best of luck!

The only thing I think you should be mad at is your friend for not telling you. You said you hung around him many times and he didn't say anything about it. I consider that lying by ommition. I really don't think you should consider him your friend.
I don't think you should be mad at your girlfriend. Its not like she cheated on you with him because you were broken up.
This is just something you are going to have to get over if you want to continue a relationship with her. People make bad decisions but that doesn't mean they are a bad person for it. People do stupid things when they are dunk.

Your girlfriend seems to be very sorry for what she did, and if it was just a one-time thing, and happened as she said it did, then I believe you should forgive her. You should let her know that you trust her, and although it will be difficult for you to get over what happened, with time you will, and you will continue to trust her.
But if you are willing to forgive her and stay with her, you need to do that loyally. You can't forgive her, and then remind her of what happened, and constantly ask for pity, as she did "wrong you once" and are afraid it will happen again. As this can cause problems in the future. So once you make the decision to forgive and forget, really FORGET, or it will seem as if you will never trust her, and this can invite more complications.
Mistakes happen, it can be very difficult to get caught-up in the moment and stop it from happening. She will learn from her mistakes and not let it happen again.
You might want to ask her, just in case, if there is a possibility of something missing in the relationship that she wishes were different that may have pushed her to do that.
This will help build your bond and your trust, and better your communication in the long run.
As for your friend, he doesn't seem to feel any remorse for what happened, and didn't have the guts to let you know and apologize.
I think this is a friend you need to let go. You don't need a friend who will wrong you like that.
Basically, make your decision, stick to it, and forget about it. Move on, re-build your relationship with your girlfriend, and look towards the positive future, rather than the past.

Since this is so important take the time to really give this a lot of thought, and in the meantime go on with your life. You both have too much baggage to jump into something she may not be over yet. Give both of you a chance to think and heal, and forgive, if possible. What's the hurry, take a lot of time with this. There are to many unresolved issues and feelings to deal with, in a positive manner.
Talk and listen and communicate.

Thank you all for your answers. You have been very helpful and insightful and I look forward to contributing to this board in the future.