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i have been going out with my girlfriend for 4 years and yesterday she said she wanted a 'break' from me so that we can miss each other and get back together stronger. I live away as well so this is probably the reason she wants apart, although i feel apart from her enough so I don’t see how this can help, i am moving back to her area in august.
She says she wants to be with me but needs space; I love her so much and feel terrible. Is this a lost cause and how should I act? i don’t want to invade her space by contacting her too much as this i fear will drive her away but i am having to stop every bone in my body to not call her. Of course i don’t want to agree to it but feel I may have to for us to survive any longer. She says she wants a break for a couple of months and then MAYBE get back together but could this be because she wants out but is not sure so she is leaving the door open for herself??
i don’t want it to drag on and get my hopes up and then her not want to be with me so should i leave it to stop months more of heartbreak. Its so hard because i am away so i feel really helpless. Also she says its not a full on break up just a break-i find this really patronising as they seem like the same thing??
What sort of things should i do to get her back and how I should treat her without driving her away as all i want is for us to be back together. Do people believe this is a lost cause and should i move on??
Well it is tough because you are moving to her area in August. But she has been with you for four years and during that period she knows nothing else. Long distance takes a toll and rarely works out. I say give her what she wants. Give her space and just have fun with you. Maybe date others or at least see what else is out there. Don't fall into some sort of complacency just because it is safe. You need to make sure this girl is the one and don't set August as the timetable to figure that out. You need to be real sure. She loves you and you love her and maybe you will miss each other and come August you will want her or maybe you will realize you have grown apart and just aren't made to spend the rest of your lives together. Either way it seems a space needs to happen, especially since she brought it up.
But you need to probably go no contact because I could see her asking for space so she can date others and see what else is out there but call you a lot and check up on you. You need true space. She wants to keep you around. She knows you are coming back in August and that puts some sort of finality on your relationship to speak. Maybe that is scaring her, so give her space so she can see if you are what she wants and the same for you. But you can't beg and plead it will make it worse. Live your life and see where things go but DO NOT just call her all the time and hold out such hope right now where you can't live your life. You know where you stand with her in terms of your feelings but she is hesitant right now so go out there and test your feelings and see if what you have is worth keeping.
Give her the break she says she wants. No contact, at all, nada. No phone, no e-mail, no IM or texting, nothing. Let her think you've disappeared from the face of the earth. She'll then either miss you, realize what she's lost and come back or she'll decide she wants it to be over for good, in which case it's her loss. Meanwhile, you live your life and do the things you enjoy and get out and meet and date other people and get involved in the activities that interest you. Lose yourself in your newly-created freedom, then you won't have any time to pine over and miss her.
Mate girls always come running back let her go she will come back
Be careful. That might happen but don't make any promises you can't keep. He can certainly up the odds in his favor by letting go, as ironic as that may sound, but nothing's a sure thing.
First of all how can she want space when you are already living apart. It is time to move on. This is my advice. I think a break is a break and that you need to go to the no contact rule and live by it. Do not beg, do not try, do not look desperate.
i have been going out with my girlfriend for 4 years and yesterday she said she wanted a 'break' from me so that we can miss each other and get back together stronger. I live away as well so this is probably the reason she wants apart, although i feel apart from her enough so I don’t see how this can help, i am moving back to her area in august.
She says she wants to be with me but needs space; I love her so much and feel terrible. Is this a lost cause and how should I act? i don’t want to invade her space by contacting her too much as this i fear will drive her away but i am having to stop every bone in my body to not call her. Of course i don’t want to agree to it but feel I may have to for us to survive any longer. She says she wants a break for a couple of months and then MAYBE get back together but could this be because she wants out but is not sure so she is leaving the door open for herself??
i don’t want it to drag on and get my hopes up and then her not want to be with me so should i leave it to stop months more of heartbreak. Its so hard because i am away so i feel really helpless. Also she says its not a full on break up just a break-i find this really patronising as they seem like the same thing??
What sort of things should i do to get her back and how I should treat her without driving her away as all i want is for us to be back together. Do people believe this is a lost cause and should i move on??
Any advice gratefully received
You should just move on. My now ex boyfriend told me a similar story and turns out instead of sticking to what he told me he went out partying more and goin out with women. It's her nice way of saying she thinks she might be ready to move on. So in return, you should move on with your life even though it's difficult. Focus on you, and if its meant to be she will come back and after the space and you both will be in a better place.
I think that Nohitter410's advice is right on the mark. I just wanted to add a couple of things. If you are already living a distance away then she shouldn't need a break for any reason. Also, her reasoning... what the heck is that all about??? So you can miss each other and get back together stronger??? If she genuinely needs space "so that you can miss each other to make the relationship stronger" then I think you need to run as fast as you can! This is a woman who will want to have multiple break-ups... and probably affairs.
Sorry to hear about your situation. I know it only too well. I was in a similar one a year ago myself. Although we werent already living apart my gf of 7 years asked for space. I didnt give it to her and it drove her away further.
But i have to say that even if i did give it to her then we still wouldnt be back together. She wanted out and thats what she got.
I dont want to destroy your heart but i have to say that i think it is already over. How can she want space if you 2 are already apart? It doesnt make sense. She wants out and this is her way of getting it. It sint fair on you because it gives you false hope but i think you'll find she has probably been thinking about this for a while and been trying to summons the courage to break it off with you. Asking for a break and stating that there is a chance for you two to be together in the future is an easy way out for her. She hasnt actually dumped you but she isnt exactly still with you. She hopes that you will just give her space and eventually when things cool down it will be easier for her to tell you that it is over because she is enjoying her new found space too much.
As i said im sorry to disappoint you but i dont want to give you false hope, and i fear that that is all she is giving you.
I think it is time that you come to terms with the fact that she is at least for the moment gone and out of your life and most probably will be forvever. Horrible thought i know but sadly that is the reality of the situation. We all have been through it here and we all know the pain.
If i were you id give her the space she is asking for and concentrate on you. You are not in the same area as her so that may be a little easier. Try and concentrate on anything other than her. Impossible i know but you have to try. Under no circumstances would i be calling her to talk. Im sure you have done lots of that and youll see that it gets you nowhere right now.
Be kind to yourself and look after No. 1. Have to go now but others here will advise you on good ways to keep your mind off her if you ask them to.
Also read the loads of other threads here with people of similar stories. Mine for one is fairly similar.
Thanks everyone for yout thoughts and some of it is paticuarly hard to swallow at the moment cos i don't want it to end. I appreciate everyone taking the time to write back.
To give you a bit more info i lived at back in her area in until last year but i have taken a one year job away. Its been hard because i suspose LDR's are. We are such a big part of each others lives and i really truely believe if we can survive this we can survive anything.
This is how i have played it: she asked for a break and first of all i said we should either work it out if we have anything worth saving or just split up for good. She seemed dead against this idea and just said she needs a small amount of time to herself so this makes me think she is not sure and she wants me at her beck and call if she changes her mind. Realistically if she wants a break i have to let her so i have now said fine to do this. I haven't been contacted her for 2 days and dont plan too - (if i check my phone one more time!!) my only thought is surely we need to communicate to get through this and thats why no contact doesn't feel natureal.
I agree that i dont understand why if we are apart anyway why we need a break - i think we should try and sort out our differences for the better but i have to respect her wishes.
I know everyone here agrees its best to move on but its so hard, really i just want to put myself in the best situation to win her back, and i have decided i will:
Not contact her, let her contact me
Not be at her beck and call if she wants to do anything
try and make her think i am strong about the situation
Not plead with her or anything and try and avoid talikng about the relationship
Be grateful on peopels thoughts if this is the best way forward
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